All For Love
by bertiebert
Summary: Continuation of Where Is The Love?
1. Farm

_**Late May**_

Danny piggybacked me up to the porch. The late spring air was damp and warm. Danny balanced me on his back while he rang the doorbell with one hand. He shifted me higher up on his back, and I giggled. The door was opened, and Calix gave us a surprised look.

"Goodness. Come in," Calix laughed, backing up.

Danny walked in, and I slid off his back. Danny hugged Calix and kissed his cheek. I did the same when it was my turn, and Calix led us into the kitchen where Simon was. Calix had on muck boots that came up almost to his knee but not quite and didn't touch the bottoms of his shorts. Simon was in the kitchen, and his shorts barely came to his mid-thigh. He was so tiny—so skinny, short, and lean—that he didn't look bad in those shorts. The shorts were grey, and his T-shirt was yellow. He looked adorable since he could actually pull that off, but when he saw us he looked as if he'd been caught doing something bad.

"Sweetheart," Calix started, but Simon sat down the pan he'd pulled out of the oven and carefully stepped past us. His light footsteps thumped on the hardwood flooring as he climbed the stairs.

"He likes to wear those shorter shorts because—I mean—he can. He looks adorable in those shorts, and he loves to wear them around the house. He wouldn't wear them outside the house in the neighborhood we lived in before, but he'll wear them outside since we're on all this land with no one around," Calix explained, looking after his husband towards the stairs.

"He looks great. I would wear those shorts if I could. Seriously, we're gay, we can wear whatever we fucking want," I reasoned, smirking when Calix threatened to collapse into a round of laughter.

"He loves them. He has multiple pairs of them. I love for him to wear them and be so comfortable. And he trusts me obviously since I'm the only one he'll wear them around. I just wish he'd be more trusting around you. But that's never going to happen obviously, so I can only hope."

Calix tries so hard for Simon; he only wants the best for him.

When Simon came back down, in longer shorts and his Crocs, Calix hugged him. When Simon pulled away from Calix to finish what he was doing, Calix signed to him, almost frantically and pleadingly, but Simon shook his head. Calix tried again, turning Simon's face to his. He mouthed 'baby' and cradled Simon's face in his hands, forcing him to look at him. Simon sighed, and pressed his forehead to Calix's shoulder. He looked at us and smiled apologetically. He signed something at Calix and that was that. Whatever _that_ was.

_**-o-**_

I fell backwards onto our bed, groaning softly when I hit the quilt. (We had a quilt for the summer—if we even used that—and a comforter for the winter.) Danny stood over me, his chest moving fast with heavy breaths.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked, his voice breathless and still husky.

I shook my head, but couldn't deny the soreness I could feel now. And the big red mark across my torso from the leather cat o' nine tails whip I didn't even know Danny owned stung like a bitch. Apparently he liked some of that stuff. I shuddered at the thought.

"You're lying. Come here," he said, and collected me into his arms.

He didn't turn on the shower like I thought he would, but filled the bathtub. I hadn't had a legit bath in forever. Once the bathtub was full enough, Danny (somehow) eased both of us in. The water wasn't too hot, but it was warm enough to be soothing. I settled in between Danny's strong legs, the warmth of the water and his body made me somewhat sleepy. The bathtub could never hold Danny with his legs straightened out so his knees were bent on either side of me. He found a washcloth after making me sit up and stretching for one underneath the sink. He dipped the cloth in the water, and then wrung it out over my chest. I hissed as the water trickled over my new mark, and moaned softly at the pain.

"That hurts," I whimpered, and Danny very gently touched the red mark.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, sincerely sorry for the pain he'd caused me.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's fine. I'm okay."

"Yeah, right. You can barely move without whimpering or moaning in pain. I obviously wasn't careful, and now you're paying for it," Danny spat, angry with himself.

I didn't say anything. What could I say?

"Tell me how I can make it up to you," he begged me, pressing his forehead to the top of my head.

He left a kiss on the crown of my head, and nuzzled against my cheek. I tilted my head to the side and he pressed our cheeks together. His was rough from his short beard that I loved, but mine was smooth since I could barely grow any body hair much less a beard. I didn't want a beard, or stubble for that matter, so I always shaved to keep my face smooth.

"I love you." His voice was a whimper almost. He was very upset for hurting me, even if it wasn't life-threatening.

"Honey," I said, looking back at him.

His brown eyes were teary and pitiful. He kissed my temple, and I reached back to tangle my fingers in his curls.

"I've never hurt you before," he murmured around tears.

"Oh, sweetie," I whispered, turning awkwardly to hold onto him. He bent himself in half practically, burying his face in my shoulder. I rubbed his back, feeling it expand and contract with his harsh breaths.

Once he was calmer, I shifted away and kneeled in front of him. I found a cup that I'd left in the bathroom, and dunked it under the water. When the water filled the cup, I poured it over his head. His curls, so thick and lush, were barely soaked with the water. It took me two more cupfuls of water to wet his hair. He was still crying softly, wiping tears and water out of his eyes, but let me do what I wanted to him. I lathered his hair up with shampoo, and made sure his eyes were closed before I rinsed it. He was relaxing little by little, and for that I was grateful. He let me wash him off with some of my coconut body wash. He loved that scent anyway, but he was always tentative to use soaps or things that women often used. He grew up in a testosterone fueled household and was hesitant to break that. I was getting him to come out of his shell though, and I'm sure he was happy about it.

He cracked a little smile when I kissed a droplet of water off his forehead, and I touched his cheek. He was still soapy, as was I since I went from washing him off to washing myself, but I pressed our chests together and crushed our lips together. He tasted a little bit like me, since he'd given me head only an hour ago, but I wanted so badly to kiss him.

"I love you," I whispered to him between hot kisses.

He smiled. "I love you too."

_**-o-**_

Danny made it up to me, even though I didn't want him too. He made me breakfast in bed the next morning. I made him nibble off my food, even though he didn't want to, but I wasn't going to starve him because of one thing. He was such a suck up, but I loved him because of it. The welt on my chest was faded and gone, but I was still a little sore down there. Calix and Simon were having a "garden party" today—whatever the hell that was—so at least we had something to do that would keep Danny's mind off of making it up to me.

He let me pick out his outfit to wear to the party. I chose a blue button down shirt that he rolled up to his elbows, a pair of stone colored cargo shorts, and his low top black and white Converse sneakers. He looked pretty hot, and I was proud of myself for picking out his clothes. For myself, I chose a light green button down shirt, a pair of tan cargo shorts, and my old green and what used to be white Nikes. Danny drove my Jeep (again, sucking up) out to the farm. Calix was talking to someone so when we walked up, so Simon was the one to spot us. He waved excitedly, nudging his husband and pointing towards us. Calix looked over, and smiled, waving. Danny's big frame seemed to envelop Simon's tiny body when he hugged him. Danny kissed his forehead and then hugged Calix.

"There're drinks around back. I'll show you back there in just a sec," Calix told us, before going to turn back to whomever he'd been talking to.

Simon touched him, and Calix turned back to him. Simon half-signed something to him since he had a drink in his hand, and Calix nodded.

"Simon's gonna take you back. I'll be there in a minute," Calix said, and we nodded.

Simon smiled at us and we followed him to the back of the house. He was in cutoff denim shorts that didn't totally come to his knees and I was a little proud of him. He had on a purple T-shirt, and his stone white Crocs. He was always so happy, even to show us where to get a drink. There were metal tubs filled to the brim with ice and stuffed with sodas, beer, or what looked to be wine coolers and alcoholic lemonade. I took a Mountain Dew while Danny found a bottled sangria. He promised that he'd only have one and then have a soda or something. I trusted him, and he knew that I'd make sure he didn't have more than one. We found a spot on the steps of their porch since we didn't know very many people here.

"Why are we hanging on the porch?"

We both turned and found Scarlett, Alaska, and two other gay men we knew, Bryan and his partner Eli, on the porch behind us.

"Because the porch is where the cool kids sit," Danny said, and grinned, his nose scrunching up adorably.

"Oooo, you got Tom with that smile. He looked right at you when you smiled. Jeez, you have him wrapped around your finger," Bryan teased, his one hand in his pocket and the other holding one of the lemonades.

"Uh-uh. No way. It's _so_ the other way around. Apparently, Danny was a little too rough yesterday, and he's totally sucking up for it because he feels bad for hurting Tom," Alaska said, and both Danny and I looked at each other. "Danny's practically his bitch."

"Don't look so shocked. We all overheard the conversation you had when you were walking towards the porch. You weren't very quiet and we like to eavesdrop on your conversations because they're more interesting than ours," Alaska countered when we looked at them, asking with our faces how they knew.

I hung my head, and Danny's hand immediately came up to stroke my hair.

"You just _love_ to embarrass Tom, don't you, Alaska?" Scarlett muttered, obviously not happy with her lover.

"Sweetie," Bryan said, crouching down near us. "I didn't mean to start any of this."

"I know you didn't," I mumbled, still mortified and ashamed. "It's not your fault."

Alaska and Scarlett were fighting, Bryan and Danny were trying to comfort me, and poor Eli was inching away slowly. He was painfully shy like Xavier (and sometimes me), but he was so incredibly sweet. He was diabetic, always having to check his blood sugar or give himself insulin shots. He held a Diet Coke, and settled in a rocking chair to watch it all unfold. I got up, kissed Danny's cheek, and walked down the porch steps. I left my husband and friends there, but right now I didn't care.

I found the garden, Simon's favorite part of the farm, and explored it. I heard my name being called, and really wanted to just press further into the garden and get lost. I didn't want to answer to anyone. But I saw Eli looking for me, and so I let myself be found. Eli smiled when he found me, and I noticed how blue his eyes were. They were gorgeous, reminding me of Sam's. He had brown hair too, which was cut short but long enough to be styled to look intentionally messy. He was handsome in his shorts and T-shirt that clung to his thin body. He had to stay fit in order to maintain his diabetes.

"I told them I'd find you, but I didn't say I'd bring you back. I wanted to see the garden too," he murmured, his voice soft and shy.

I smiled. "Thanks."

He nodded, and we explored the garden a little more. We sat down on the edge of a raised wooden planter, and Eli pulled a little black nylon case out of his cargo pocket. He unzipped it, and pulled out a little off white plastic device. He looked over at me, his cheeks turning pink.

"Do you mind?" He asked.

I shook my head. "It doesn't bother me. I was in the Army for nine years. I'd actually like to watch, if you don't mind."

"That's fine. Most people, if they don't care, want to watch me," he explained, fitting a tiny piece of purple plastic into the device.

He pulled a matching circle off the end of the purple plastic, and a tiny needle was at the end. He held the needle up to his left index finger, pressing a button on the end of the device. He made a face, and sat the device in the little bag. He squeezed hard on his finger, and a tiny droplet of scarlet blood appeared on the pad of his finger. He forced blood into the tip of his finger until he had enough. He fished a paper out of a small container and put it in the bottom of his glucose meter. He put the tip of the paper to the drop of blood on his finger, and it was pulled inside the miniscule compartment in the paper. He waited for a moment, wiping his finger on a tissue that had been folded and shoved into his pocket, and his meter beeped. He showed me and his blood sugar level was displayed on the screen.

"Cool," I said, smiling at him.

He smiled back, then going back to his little pack, putting everything away. He slid his meter into its sleeve, his container of the little papers into its compartment, and put his used needle thing into a pocket behind a zip pocket that held a bunch of others.

"I have a whole bunch of these in different colors. It just makes it a little more fun, you know?" Eli said, and zipped up the entire pack and slid it into his cargo pocket.

I nodded and he pulled a pen looking thing out of the same cargo pocket. He uncapped it and did some other things to it that I couldn't even begin to explain. He hiked his shirt up over his hip, and bit his lip as he practically jammed the needle into his hip. It was like my EpiPen, but had insulin instead of something to get rid of an allergic reaction. When he was done, he capped the pen again and stuck it in his pocket. He rubbed at his hip, but didn't seem to be in too much pain.

"I think we should go find everyone," he mumbled, and I nodded.

We both stood, and made our way back out of the garden. Bryan was pretty much freaking out, and as soon as Eli was close enough he ran up and asked him if he'd checked his blood sugar and if he had had he given himself more insulin. Eli reached up, cradling Bryan's face in his hands, and kissed his forehead.

"Relax, honey. I'm fine. I checked my blood sugar, I gave myself more insulin. Everything is fine," Eli soothed him.

Bryan nodded, and Eli kissed him softly.

"Are you all right?" Danny asked me, touching my back.

"Yeah. I just needed some time to think and cool down," I said, and leaned up to kiss him.

Scarlett and Alaska had made up, and were sitting at one of the tables that had been set up, both of their hands on Scarlett's ever growing belly. Bryan and Eli were loosely holding hands, seeming perfectly at ease with each other and the bustling farm around them. Bryan leaned over to his partner, whispered something in Eli's ear, and then kissed Eli's cheek. Eli giggled at what Bryan said, and Bryan grinned. Danny was sliding his arm around me, pulling me close, and I let him lead me to a table to sit.


	2. Plans

_**Early June**_

_Danny_

I decided that Tom and I needed to be "remarried" and apply for a domestic partnership. So, I stole his ring one night after he'd gone to bed, and hid it. I had gotten him a real engagement ring with a diamond and everything. It wasn't incredibly girly, but since we were pretty close to flaming it wasn't too manly either. It was an easy middle. I was going to take him to dinner and propose to him like I should have the first time.

"Why are you taking me out to dinner?" Tom asked me as I helped him tie his tie.

I smiled, and cupped my hands over his face, kissing him. "Because I love you."

He blushed, but gave me a disapproving smirk. "Although that's true, that's not a very good answer."

I smiled again, smoothing my hands over his shoulders after I finished with his tie. I smoothed his hair down, fixing it, and kissed his forehead. "But it's the truth. And that's all you're going to get from me."

He pouted, and was pretty close to stamping his foot. He could become so petulant. It made me laugh. I had gotten our friends to come to the same restaurant with their significant other, but they didn't know I was proposing. Tom had no idea what was going on, and I was so excited. Our families didn't know what I was doing, but they would know soon enough. I was the only one behind this. I was kind of proud of myself. I was taking Tom to an expensive steakhouse for dinner, and I couldn't wait for this to pan out in front of me.

"Sweetie, we're going to be late. What are you looking for?" I called to Tom after I'd gone downstairs to lock the backdoor and get ready to leave.

"My ring! I can't find it anywhere! Damn it. Of course on this night I'd lose my ring!"

I had to suppress my laughter at this point. I was going to drive him crazy before I could marry him for real.

"Babe, come on. It's fine. We need to go. We can look for it when we come home," I promised him.

He came downstairs finally, upset about "losing" his ring. I rubbed his back and kissed his head.

"We'll find it. I promise," I told him, and he nodded sadly.

It touched me to see him so upset about his ring. He cherished it that much. I smoothed his hair again, touching underneath his chin. He forced a smile, and checked that he had his phone. I locked the front door behind us, double checking I had his new ring while he walked to the car and I was still facing the door. I beat him to the Mazda and held his door for him. He cracked a little smile, and I chuckled, shaking my head, as I shut his door and walked around to the driver's side.

We were on time to the restaurant, and Tom pointed out our friends scattered throughout the restaurant. I smiled and nodded, agreeing that it was a coincidence, and touched his back to get him to follow the host to the table. We sat down, after I pulled out Tom's chair for him of course, and I asked for some wine. Tom looked around, and his childish curiosity was adorable. I said his name, reaching across the table to touch his face, and got him to look at me. I grinned at him, and he blushed but kept my gaze. We talked when we weren't ordering or then eating or drinking. It had been a long time since we'd gone out on a real date. We shared a dessert, and then I knew I had to do it or else I'd chicken out.

I got up, and Tom looked up at me as I came over to where his chair was. All of our friends were seated close so they could see us. Most patrons were watching me too, wanting to know what was going to happen next. Tom was confused, and it was plainly written on his face. I told Tom to stand up, and he tentatively did so. I smiled, and touched his cheek. I told him to not be worried. He just nodded, still confused, and I dug in my pocket. When I pulled out the velvet box, I sank to my knee, and Tom's breath caught loud enough for me and a couple tables near us to hear. I smiled, and looked up at him. He covered his mouth, and I knew he was probably going to cry. Our friends all stood and moved closer to get a better look at this.

"Tom," I said, and his teary grey eyes flickered over my face. "You know I've always loved you, but I want to make our love stronger. You deserve the best, and I hope that I'm enough for you. Will you marry me?"

I popped open the velvet box and Tom gasped again. By this time, our friends had crowded closer, Tom had tears slipping down his cheeks, and many people were watching excitedly.

"Yes," Tom said around tears, nodding fast. "I'll marry you."

Our friends broke into applause, and some of the patrons joined them, while I slid Tom's new engagement ring on his finger and stood up to kiss him.

The patrons, who didn't care for mine and Tom's kind of people, just sat in unhappy silence while the rest of the restaurant expressed their happiness for us. While Tom talked with the rest of our friends, I paid our check, and then joined our friends. When our friends had paid as well, we all stood outside in the warm, late spring, early summer air. Bryan stood over Eli while he checked his blood sugar, but once he was done they came over to congratulate us. Tom was gushing like a little girl about his ring to Scarlett when I snuck up on him. He didn't jump when I touched his waist, but swiveled around and leaped onto me. I laughed, holding him close to kiss him. His suit wouldn't let him wrap his legs around my waist fully, so I held onto him tightly so he wouldn't fall.

When we all split up, Tom talked a mile a minute about how he loved his ring, how he'd wanted to possibly have another wedding, and how much he loved me while we walked to the car. I unlocked the car and held his door open, finally getting him to quiet down when I shut the door and he was alone in the car for a moment. I got in, and started the car. He was still quiet when I started home so I reached over to hold his hand. His fingers were still until he squeezed my hand. I looked over at him, and he wiped at his nose.

"Baby, what's wrong? Is something the matter?" I asked him, looking between him and the road.

He shook his head, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth and nose. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just an emotional mess right now. God, I'm such a—a very bad word I'm still not allowed to say. No wonder God made me a fag."

He was upset, but I didn't know why. I reached over while we were at a red light and smoothed his hair back, bringing his hand to my mouth.

"Please, don't be sad," I murmured, and he sniffled at me.

"I'm sorry. I'm not sad. I'm so extremely happy right now I could never be sad," he told me.

"I'm glad. But if God hadn't made you a fag, I'd never be able to marry you or love you. So you can't be angry at Him for that. You're not a—whatever. You're just sensitive, and I love that about you. That means that I get to comfort and protect you."

He looked at me, tears still in his beautiful eyes, and kissed me right there at the red light. We broke apart when someone honked behind us, and I gunned the car so we could still make the light and keep the people behind us happy. Tom held my hand tightly the entire way home, never letting go or even loosening his grip. I could feel the smooth metal of his ring against my hand, and smiled to myself. He was mine. Forever and always.

_**-o-**_

"Can you focus for just one minute and stop watching Tom's ass? When we're done you can look all you want. Hell, you can even go touch and I won't say a word."

I looked at Nicole, and she was glaring at me. Tom was bent over, helping Xavier unload the dishwasher in my parents' kitchen. Nicole was trying to get me to look at God knows what, but I felt that Tom needed to be a part of any decision I made.

"Nicky," I whined.

She gave me hard look, and I sighed angrily back at her. I tried to pay attention to what she was saying, but I didn't want to be doing this right now.

"Danny?"

I looked up, and Tom was standing by the dishwasher, two bowls in his hands. He was looking at me, his eyebrows furrowed and his face expressing deep concern. He sat the bowls down and walked around the island to come over to me. I sat up on a stool which made me even taller than my _fiancé._ My arms automatically went around his little waist, and his arms wrapped around my neck. He looked me in the eyes, but I couldn't meet his gaze after a moment. He pulled a hand back and smoothed my curls off my forehead. He brushed his lips over my forehead, running his hand down the side of my face to cup my cheek.

"What's the matter, baby?" He asked me, rubbing my cheekbone with the pad of his thumb.

I tugged him closer, pulling him in between my legs, and laid my head on his shoulder. He rested his cheek against my head, his hands running soothingly through my hair.

"I'll stay with you if that'll make you feel better. We can decide together," Tom whispered to me, kissing my temple.

I buried my face in his neck, breathing in his warm smell, and he tightened his hold on me. I felt hands on my back, and then lips on the back of my head. Xavier.

"We'll help you guys out, Danny. You're not alone. We're all going to be here for you two. We helped Nicky, Aaron, and Leroy with their weddings, so we're not going to just leave you hanging. You've done so much for us as the great big brother you are, so it's time for us to pay you back," Xavier soothed me, and I was so immensely grateful to have him.

Xavier went back to finish with the dishes, and I picked my head up to look at Tom. His grey eyes were full of concern and love. He smoothed my hair back, pressing a firm kiss to my forehead, and then looked me in the eye.

"You need to tell me if something's wrong, or if you're unhappy, or if things just get to be too much. I want this to be the time that I can take care of and watch over you since you're always doing everything possible for me," Tom told me, and I nodded.

We kissed then, and I could feel Tom melt against my chest like many of the other times we kissed. He could never stay the dominant one in our relationship for long. He loved for me to love and dote on him too much to give that up totally. When we pulled apart, I pressed our foreheads together and looked at my soon-to-be husband's gorgeous face. He grinned and kissed my nose, making me smile and laugh despite myself. I could faintly hear Xavier and Nicole whispering, and I turned to glare at them. They both froze, knowing they were caught, and then glared at me. I stuck my tongue out at them, just like when we were little, and then kissed Tom harder than before. Tom didn't fight me when I pushed my tongue into his mouth since he figured out where this was heading. He gave in to me, and I pressed him close enough and cupped my hands underneath his bottom hard enough to make him yip into my mouth.

I pulled away, and he was panting, his hands fisted in the fabric of my T-shirt on my shoulders. Xavier and Nicole were staring open-mouthed at us, and Tom and I just laughed. Nicole just pushed the binder of things we'd kept from her wedding towards me and got up. We'd probably scarred my brother and sister for life, but we didn't really care. Tom stood in between my legs while we flipped through the binder, marking things with those little Post-It tab things, and I couldn't get enough of his warmth and the comfort he radiated.

"What do you want our colors to be?" Tom asked me, and I propped my chin on his shoulder.

"Hmmm." I thought for a moment. "Blue—any shade—and black and white."

"Oooo, our ties can be blue and we'll wear white shirts and black tuxes. We can wrap blue ribbon around the stems of our corsages."

Tom was so cute, having a fit of excitement over colors and what will be blue and what will be black and white. Over his head, I smiled and winked at Xavier who was finishing the dishes. He smiled, and perked up when the front door slammed shut. Sam appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, smiling at his boyfriend. Xavier practically jumped over the dishwasher door to get to Sam.

"Hey, baby. Sorry, I took so long," Sam said, kissing Xavier and hugging him.

Sam still had his dance bag over his shoulder but he and Xavier gripped each other tightly. When they parted, Sam pecked Xavier another kiss before disappearing to drop his bag somewhere. He came back in the kitchen having changed his T-shirt to something looser and not his tight dance shirt. He settled at the island, and Xavier slid him his favorite kind of blackberry lemonade he could only find at the local gas station. Xavier kept a few in the fridge just for him. Sam broke the seal of the cap, and sat the cap on the island while he drank almost half of it in only a couple swallows.

"They worked you hard today, sweetie," Xavier said, smoothing Sam's sweaty hair back and leaving a kiss on his forehead.

Sam smiled at his boyfriend, catching him around the waist and pulling him back before he could leave his side. Xavier giggled, and Sam kissed his cheek. Sam reluctantly let Xavier go back to doing the one thing my mother asked him to do; it's taken him about four hours to empty the dishwasher _with_ Tom's help. He really doesn't like doing the dishes. None of us do.

"Hey, it's the soon-to-be newlyweds," Sam teased us, and sat his chin in his hand. His hair stuck up with sweat where Xavier had pushed it back, but he didn't care.

"Hey, it's the committed one," I teased back, and Sam wiggled his left hand fingers at us.

For Sam's birthday, Xavier had given him a matching claddagh ring but had something engraved on the inside. I didn't know what it said since he never let me see. Instead of getting "married," Sam and Xavier were committed to each other after dating strongly for about three years. They were happy together, and I was happy for them.

"Did you ever think we'd be here when we first started dating?" Sam asked Xavier, looking at him with nothing but love.

Xavier snorted. "Did you ever think you'd be here when you were playing straight on the basketball team?" His comment was supposed to be gentle teasing, but that's not how it went over.

Sam bristled. "I was _not_ "playing straight" when I was on the team. And you know that."

Xavier looked at Sam, his brown eyes wide and shocked. Sam bit his lip.

"I'm so sorry," Sam whimpered. "I'm tired. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"You should take a shower, Sam. It'll make you feel better," Tom suggested, and I left a kiss on his head.

Sam nodded, and slid from the stool. He left his half-gone lemonade open on the counter, and dejectedly left the kitchen. Xavier put the plates he was holding on the counter and bounded after his boyfriend. A couple minutes later, Tom and I had decided on daisies and blue morning glories as our flowers, and Xavier came back in. He put the plates up, and Tom turned a page in the binder.

"Is Sam okay?" I asked, my thumb rubbing gentle circles on Tom's waist.

"He's just trying to deal with the newest blow from his dad. He didn't come to our graduation or our dinner or our party or our other dinner when I gave Sam his ring and we became "partners" or whatever the hell you want to call us. He's totally changed. He smokes and drinks and he's not the same man he was before the divorce. And he's making Sam's life hell, which then makes my life hell, which makes your lives just that much more difficult. Sam went to see him yesterday and his dad . . ." Xavier trailed off and his eyes pooled with tears and his lower lip started to quiver.

"What, sweetheart? You need to tell us. We won't say anything to anyone," I coaxed him, knowing if prodded gently Xavier would spill. But usually only to me.

"His dad called him a fag—and some other horrible Sam wouldn't even tell me—when he was drunk. Jesus, he's trying to protect me when his dad is verbally abusing him. Sam's scared for you two and your whole wedding thing because he really doesn't want anything to happen that would split you two up. He's terrified I'm going to stop loving him or even that he's going to lose interest in me. I can't—"

Tom leaned forward and I got off my stool, going around the island to hold my brother. He was my baby. He'd always been my baby. I was more excited about him being born (for some reason I still didn't know) than any of my other siblings. Tom watched us, and I knew he wanted to do something to help. Sam stepped into the doorway, and froze. His entire body locked up, and he looked from me to Tom and then back to me.

"Sammy," Tom crooned, and Sam looked to him.

It was as if Sam could tell we knew what was wrong, because his face collapsed and Tom went over to him. Xavier's back shook under my hand, his breathing ragged and his sobs choked. Sam wasn't clinging to Tom like Xavier was to me, but he was crying just as hard. It was an odd picture, but what could you do.

Tom and I, having dealt with many crying people, were pros when it came to calming my brother and "brother-in-law" down enough to get them to talk and cool off. We sat them at the table, and brought them something to drink. We sat across from them, and watched as they situated themselves as they wanted. Sam pulled Xavier's chair as close as it would go, and tugged Xavier even closer. With Xavier tucked underneath his arm, Sam seemed to relax and calm even more.

"We know what's going on with you and your dad, Sam. Xavier told us, but don't be angry with him. If anything, be angry with us just to spare him. We know you're having trouble with your relationship with your father and even with each other, and that's okay . . . to an extent. What Xavier told us is very unacceptable behavior for any human, much less your father. Me personally, I don't want you to see him again, but I know he's your father and all that. I can't control you, but I do want to, and will, protect you. You don't have to do this on your own, and we're always here to help you with anything. And I mean _anything._ Nothing is too trivial for you to come to us about. We want you to know that we're here for you, and you always have us on your side."

I didn't know I had that many words in me, but I did, and Sam sniffled and reached across the table to hold my hand.

"Thank you," he said, wiping his eyes and smiling at me.

"You're welcome, baby. But it's not only me that is here for you. Tom and Xavier are _always_ here no matter what along with me. You really aren't, and can't be, alone in this family. You've always got someone to go to."

He chuckled, wiping another tear away from his eye, and kissed Xavier's head when he nuzzled against his shoulder.

"I love you," Sam murmured to Xavier, and my brother looked up at him.

"I love you too. Always," Xavier purred, and leaned up to kiss Sam.

When their lips parted, Sam smiled.

"And forever?" He asked, smoothing my brother's hair off his forehead.

Xavier nodded slowly once and smiled. "Mm-hm."

Tom and I looked at each other, smiled, and kissed. When we parted, I pressed my lips to his ear and whispered, "I love you. Forever and always." He smiled, and his cheeks turned pink.


	3. Shower

Tom climbed into the shower with me, nuzzling up to my chest and ducking under the water. I laughed, and smoothed his hair back, leaving a kiss on his forehead. He closed his eyes against the water, and pushed his fingers back through his hair. I went to pick up the shampoo, but stopped. Tom's toenails were painted a shiny, sparkly turquoise blue.

"Sweetie," I started, disguising a laugh as a cough. "Why are your toenails blue?"

He looked down and grinned.

"When I went to give Alaska and Scarlett our invitation, Alaska was painting Scarlett's toes so they shoved me onto the couch and made me pick a color. I liked it, so I thought, 'Why not?' Do you not like it?" He seemed legitimately worried that I didn't like it.

I smiled, smoothing his hair off his face, and kissed him softly. "I love it. I think it's pretty hot."

His eyes widened by a fraction when I raised my eyebrows at him. He blushed, looking away, and I laughed. Pulling him against me, I kissed him, and he wilted in my arms. He would always melt when I kissed him or just held him. He couldn't help it. Any tender or intimate touch would make him succumb to my affection.

"We need to choose music for the reception," I whispered to him, kissing his ear.

I raked shampoo through his hair, and he let his head loll back with my pulls. His grey eyes were thoughtful. I pulled his head back completely to look at me.

"What?" He asked, his hands wrapping around the backs of my thighs to keep himself steady.

"You're just so beautiful," I murmured, pursing my lips against his smooth forehead.

He smiled, and rinsed his hair before leaning up to kiss me. He kept his mouth on mine, and heaved himself up using my shoulders to wrap his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck. I held onto him, my fingertips pressing into the supple skin of his bottom. He pressed impossibly close to me, and I pushed his back against the wall of the shower. He yipped at the coolness against his warm back, but relaxed quickly. We both jumped, and I almost dropped Tom, when there was a knock on the door. My family, though I loved them to pieces, could never leave me alone for more than twenty minutes at the most. I let Tom slide from my arms, my hands never leaving his slick body, and called to the person to come in.

"Mom wants to know if you and Tom want teriyaki tonight since you both had stomach issues this morning. And, yes, I do see you both in there," Nicole asked us.

Tom cringed, and I pressed him closer to me.

"That's fine. We're okay now. It might have been what we ate for dinner last night. Thank you for embarrassing Tom as well. I know we both appreciate it," I said, stroking Tom's wet hair. He stayed pressed against me until Nicole left. He buried his face in my chest then.

"You're family kills me," he groaned, and I stroked my hand down his wet back.

"I'm sorry. They're overwhelming for me too. It's thankfully something Xavier and I didn't inherit." He gave me a look. "Okay, I know I'm dramatic and I exaggerate things, but _come on._ I'm gay!"

He grinned. "I just like to make you think you're in trouble. It's fun to watch you try to fix what you've said."

I scoffed. "You're horrible."

He grinned wider. "And you should be able to tell when I'm doing these things."

I scowled at him, and he leaned up, pecking a kiss to my lips. I furrowed my eyebrows deeper at him.

"You'll get it tonight," I growled at him.

"I'm sure I will," he said, and smirked at me.

"On second thought, you may get some right now just for being a smart-ass."

He grinned, and I smacked him right on the bottom. He yelped, and it was his turn to scowl at me. It was my turn to smirk at him, and he pouted.

I didn't want our afternoon to start like this, so I let my face soften and pulled him against my chest. I relaxed, and let my hands explore him. I hadn't done that in a long time, and I knew he missed it too. Once my hands made it to his waist, he'd relaxed totally and let his arms come up behind him to wrap around my neck. I smiled, kissing his head, and let my hands move to his hips. I traced his V, and he let out such a sigh that it made me wonder if I was putting him to sleep. His legs were next, well his thighs to be more exact since I couldn't reach that far, and then back across the top of his bottom. I pressed my thumbs into the dimples above his cute bottom, and he smiled up at me. I moved up his back, pressing my thumbs into the muscles, following the musculature of his body. When I got to his shoulders, I smoothed my hands down his chest and belly, and then brought my hands back up to stroke his beautiful face.

"You don't even know how good that felt," Tom breathed, completely relaxed.

I smiled, chuckling softly. "It felt good to me too. I can't tell you how long it's been since I've done that. Just to feel you, alive and _mine_, is something I can't even describe."

His resulting smile was lazy and somewhat drowsy. His grey eyes were bright and adoring, but he blinked slowly as if he was falling asleep standing up.

We washed off without rushing at all—slow strokes of a washcloth against skin, hands pushing through tangled hair with sluggish relaxation, soft kisses of clean skin once the water was off. When I stepped out, I handed Tom a towel first. I know he noticed this because he smiled shyly, and took it with gentle, hesitant hands as if I was going to take it back. Out of habit, he wrapped the towel around his entire torso, hiding from his chest down to his mid-thigh. He always did that if we were with other people in the same house. If we were at our home, he was less reserved and would wear it around his hips. Our house was our safe haven. He'd acquired his towel quirk while he was young and in the Army. He was shy about his body, even with me sometimes, and he had been afraid—since he was gay—that something would happen to him. I worked to relax that fear when he was around my family, but he was a stubborn man—a trait I also loved him for.

We dried each other off, and Tom giggled when I blew a raspberry on his belly. I grinned, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses up his torso to leave a final one on his lips. He tried to kiss me back, but I pulled away too quickly. Once we were dry, Tom dug through his bag to find his clothes, and I just watched him. I saw his cheeks pink up when he dropped his towel totally, his tan skin beautiful and clean and smooth. Except for the scar on his shoulder, but even that was perfect. Times like these, where we're quiet and gentle and just show our love for each other, we don't have sexual feelings at all for each other because it's not time for that. It's time for each of us to share our adoration and affection. We both pulled on cloth athletic shorts and loose T-shirts. It was hot in the deep south of Georgia in early to mid June; so hot you didn't even want to go swimming.

Downstairs, Sam lounged on the couch, Xavier sitting a few inches from him. It was too hot to cuddle. Sam had on shorts that did not come anywhere near his knees. He seemed totally fine with it, and just sat there, his fingers intertwined with his boyfriend's. We'd have to tell Simon.

"Stop looking at my legs. It's starting to freak me out," Sam teased us, and Xavier giggled, running his hand down Sam's long leg.

"Can I look at your legs?" Xavier pleaded, resting his head on Sam's shoulder and giving him puppy dog eyes.

Sam's lips pulled up into an amused, relaxed smile. "Of course. I'd be worried if you didn't."

Xavier left a kiss on Sam's cheek, and rubbed his thumb over Sam's thigh. The muscles contracted underneath the skin before relaxing at the soothing feeling. The contact didn't last too long though. Even with the air conditioner, it was still too humid. So they went back to sitting inches from each other, the only connection their linked hands. But even then they had to wipe sweaty palms on their shorts or shirts.

I kissed my mother's cheek when I got into the kitchen, and Tom just kind of smiled at her. My father was sitting at the island, reading the newspaper from this morning, and didn't look up. I tolerated my dad, but didn't necessarily like him all the time. Tom wrapped his arms around my waist, and I kissed his forehead. Emilee, Beth, and Alex all ran past us, practically mauling Leroy when he walked through the door. Tom smiled, and snuggled closer to me. Even though we were hot, I held him when we settled on the couch a couple cushions away from my brother. Tom sat on my lap, facing me, and we made out a little. Xavier and Sam ignored us, until Tom started in on my neck.

"Do you guys mind? If you're gonna start practically doing it on the couch, can you find another couch or go upstairs?" Sam asked, leaning around Xavier to look at us.

We grinned at him, and Tom left a kiss just above my eyebrow. He rolled him eyes, and Xavier leaned close, whispering something to him and then kissing his ear. Sam smiled, crushing his lips to Xavier while pushing Xavier's head into the back of the couch. They were both smiling into the hard kiss, but they started laughing before they could get anywhere. Sam left an open-mouthed kiss on Xavier's neck, making him giggle and then squeal when Sam nibbled on the skin there. I adored seeing them so happy with each other.

"Hey, lovebirds, dinner is _this close_ to being done. Stop making out and come on," Aaron called to us.

Tom blushed and I tightened my hold on his waist, fingertips pressing into his ribs. Xavier got up and held his hand out to Sam. Sam took it, and pushed off the couch with his other hand and used his left foot. Xavier pulled, and Sam stumbled into his arms. Xavier smiled, kissing Sam gently, and stroked his hair. Sam limped next to my brother into the kitchen, and I felt bad for him. He'd have knee problems for the rest of his life. I looked at my _fiancé,_ and he was watching Sam as well. He felt me looking at him, and turned his eyes to me. He smiled, kissing my nose, and slid off my lap. I stood as well, and he was pressed against me and the coffee table. I leaned down, brushing my lips over him. He leaned into my kiss, wanting so badly to deepen it, but I gently pushed him down and pulled away. He stuck his bottom lip out at me, wanting more of a kiss, but I shook my head.

"Maybe after dinner," I whispered to him, kissing his forehead.

He told me that he'd hold that against me, and I just smiled. He knew I wouldn't forget.


	4. React

_Sam_

Xavier's breathing was soft and even, brushing against my neck. He'd fallen asleep after I'd made love to him, but I was still awake. I could see him in the dark, his face tucked into my shoulder, and smiled lazily. I was tired, but my knee was hurting. I couldn't sleep with my knee throbbing, aching, and burning. I needed an ice pack and my medicine, but I didn't want to disturb my sleeping boyfriend. He was so peaceful and content and I really didn't have it in my heart to wake him up. A shadow passed through the light filtering in from the hallway, and I looked up. Danny leaned against the doorway, watching us with a gentle, sleepy smile. I was glad the sheets were up to both of our waists, but really didn't care if they hadn't been. I was done with modesty around Danny and Tom.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked him, keeping my voice very hushed and smooth.

"Of course," he said; his voice was just as low and soft as mine, but just as deep as always.

"Can you get me my medicine and an ice pack?"

He smiled, unhitching himself from the doorway, and nodded. "Sure. I'll be right back."

He was only gone for about a minute or two, and for that I was grateful. Xavier still dozed against my shoulder, his warm body curled against my side, and he didn't stir even when Danny came over. I shifted a little bit up on the pillows, and Xavier just moved with me. He settled again, sighing, and quieted once more. Danny smiled, stroking his brother's hair, and then gave me a glass of tea, my meds, and an ice pack.

"I brought your heating pad too. I thought you might want it as well," he told me in a voice close to a whisper.

I was so thankful for him. "Thank you so much. I totally forgot about that. I'm glad you thought to bring it."

He smiled, smoothing my hair back, and helped me situate all my stuff close by. I took my pills and rested against my soft pillows so I wouldn't disturb my boyfriend. Danny stroked my hair, ruffling my bangs, and I looked up at him. He leaned down and touched his lips to my forehead.

"Sleep tight," he whispered, continuing to stroke my hair.

He leaned over me, kissing Xavier's forehead, and kissed my forehead a little more firmly a second time before leaving. I switched my ice pack for my heating pad a few minutes later and finally fell asleep when the pain went away.

_**-o-**_

"Sammy."

I brought a deep breath into my lungs, squeezing my eyes closed before blinking them open. Xavier was lying on his belly, watching me. He leaned in, kissing my forehead, and then settled back. He watched me, his brown eyes intent but a little flicker-y without his glasses, and I crooked my arm to stroke his back. He nuzzled against my shoulder, and left a kiss there.

"I love you," I murmured, stroking his hair.

He smiled against my shoulder, his beautiful eyes sparkling.

"I love you," he purred.

He was still naked, his pale skin like porcelain against the stark blue sheets, and I followed the curve of his back down to his bottom which was covered by the sheets with my eyes. He was so gorgeous.

"What?" He asked me, smiling as his cheeks turned pink.

I shook my head. "You're just so hot. I can't seem to stop looking at you."

I rolled Xavier over onto his back, pushing myself onto my hands and knees over him. The sheet was now draped over my backside, and covering us both. I could see Xavier was a little eager for me to wake up, but I didn't mind. I pressed open-mouthed kisses across his chest and down his belly. His breath caught several times before I even reached his belly button. He grinned, giggling softly, when I dipped my tongue into his belly button. His hips lifted off the bed when I shifted down to kiss just above where he wanted me most. But I didn't go there. Instead, I blew a breath across the wet path of kisses I left and slid from the bed. I didn't even move fast, but Xavier threw his hands down on the bed in frustration, and glared at me. He sat up and cracked the knuckles in his fingers, thinking. He looked at me and gave up. I kicked the door shut, and walked back over to my boyfriend. He looked up at me as I stopped next to him. I curled my fingers underneath his chin and tilted his head up. Our lips touched and he shifted to dangle his legs over the edge of the bed. He pulled me onto his lap, my knees on either side of his legs, and pressed his warm hands into the small of my back.

"We need to get up," I mumbled in between kisses, our lips now parted to deepen the kiss.

"Yeah, well," Xavier mumbled back, crushing our lips even closer.

Xavier tensed when someone knocked on the door, and we dove under the covers, giggling to each other and still kissing a little bit. Danny nudged open the door, with a very sleepy Tom next to him, and we gave them a little wave. Our legs were tangled together—my knee in between Xavier's legs, my calf pressed against his; Xavier's leg tossed over my thigh, his heel pressing against the back of my knee.

"Breakfast is ready, but I can see you two are too caught up in each other to really care that much," Danny teased, unconsciously pressing Tom closer.

Tom yawned, snuggling into Danny's side, and kissed his _fiancé's_ shoulder by leaning up on his toes for a moment. Danny rubbed Tom's side, and left a kiss on the top of his head.

"We'll be down in a minute," Xavier told his brother, and Danny nodded.

They left, Danny pulling the door almost closed, and we sat up. We jumped in the shower together, getting rid of our arousals using obvious methods (five fingers, anybody?), and were downstairs within twenty minutes. I was getting some eggs and bacon from the stove when I felt hands slide around the front of my thighs from behind me. I looked back and Xavier grinned at me, leaving a kiss on the back of my head. He brought his hands up to my hips and slid them back down, tugging on the hems of my shorts.

"Why are you so gorgeous?" He whispered to me, kissing the sensitive spot behind my ear.

I smiled, and laid my head back on his shoulder. "Because if I wasn't, you wouldn't love me."

"That's such a lie. I love you no matter what," he purred, nuzzling against my shoulder.

"I'm glad. Now let's eat, I'm starving."

Xavier followed after, bearing his own plate, and we sat next to each other at the table. Tom was leaning against Danny, blinking slowly and yawning every now and then. He wasn't eating, just drinking coffee but it obviously wasn't working. Danny kept turning to Tom, asking him something with a very concerned look on his face. He looked down at him again, his curls falling on his forehead, and Tom let his head fall back to look at him.

"Honey, you look _so_ exhausted. You didn't go to sleep until two last night. You need to go lie down and take a nap or something," Danny murmured to Tom, wrapping his arm around him and stroking his hair.

Tom just laid his head on Danny's shoulder, taking another sip of coffee, and shifted his chair even closer to Danny's. Danny finally stood up, tugging Tom up with him, and pulled him close as he walked into the family room. When he came back, he was alone and satisfied. He settled back down, and finished eating. When he started in on his coffee, finishing Tom's off as well, he perked up when he heard his name. He disappeared into the family room again, and came back a moment later. He sat down again, and stretched out.

Xavier and I helped clean up, and Danny left for the family room once more. He didn't come back, and when Xavier and I decided to go for a swim, we found him lying on the couch with Tom on top of him. They were both crashed out, dozing peacefully with minimal shifting. When we came back downstairs in our swimsuits, they were still sleeping, but Tom was shivering a little. Xavier reached down, and felt Tom's hand.

"Jeez, his hands are cold. Hand me that blanket," he said, and nodded towards the blanket over the back of the recliner.

I grabbed it, tossing it to him. He snapped it out, letting it settle over soon-to-be newlyweds, and smiled.

"'Kay. Let's go." Xavier reached over to me, and I linked our hands together.

Xavier shed his T-shirt, his smooth, pale back making me swallow back a whimper, and set his glasses on the patio table. He jumped in the pool, making a not-so-graceful entrance into the water. I laughed and followed him after getting rid of my T-shirt. There was a lot of making out in the pool, water dripping down our faces to mingle in our kiss. We spent practically the entire day outside, laying on towels to rest and burn the water off our skin before getting something to eat and launching ourselves back into the pool. When we finally went inside for the day, we showered and dressed in comfy clothes and came downstairs for dinner. Danny was talking with Aaron, with a well-rested Tom tucked into his side, but looked our way when we came in. He stopped talking, and looked at Xavier.

"Sweetheart, you are so burnt," he said, covering his mouth with his hand.

Xavier grimaced. "I know. I can feel it," he whimpered.

"Let's see your back," Danny prodded, tugging Xavier's T-shirt over his head. He gasped, and brushed his fingertips over the angry red skin on Xavier's back. "Baby, you are too pale to go outside without sunscreen on; especially for the entire day by a pool."

"Don't yell at him, Danny. Sure he should wear sunscreen, but he can't do anything about it now. We just need to take care of it and deal with it." Tom came to Xavier's rescue when he could see Xavier's panic rise at being chastised for something he couldn't control. He touched Xavier's shoulder, being gentle, and Xavier's fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt in his hands. To Danny he said, "Go get the aloe gel and we'll talk when you get back."

Danny left, obviously apologetic for overreacting, and Tom stepped up for Xavier.

"Come on," he coaxed. "Let's go into the family room."

Tom sat Xavier on the couch and Danny came back. Tom gave him a hard look, and Danny tried to apologize.

"Don't tell me. Tell him. You scared the hell out of him. He doesn't feel good and having someone yell at him isn't making it any better. It just makes him feel worse," Tom told him, taking the gel from him.

I leaned against the back of the couch and watched as Tom settled behind Xavier and Danny sat in front of him. Xavier glanced anxiously at Danny, and I could see how much Xavier thought of him as a parent. Danny had practically raised him from infancy since his parents had three other kids to take care of. If Danny snapped at him, Xavier was terrified of him and would withdraw. That's how he reacted when he was near or the subject of conflict. He'd withdraw and shut down. It broke my heart to see him so scared of the one person other than me that he loved, trusted, and was comfortable with. Tom rubbed the aloe gel between his hands before carefully pressing his hands to Xavier's back. Xavier arched away, gasping at the chilliness of the gel, but I stroked his hair to calm him.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry that I yelled at you. It wasn't fair to you. I know that I hurt you, and I'm very sorry," Danny murmured to his baby brother, being very careful as his fingertips brushed over Xavier's cheek.

"It's okay. I forgive you," Xavier whispered back, and linked his fingers with Danny's.

Danny smiled, and he and Xavier pecked each other a kiss. Danny put some of the aloe gel on the front of Xavier's torso, shoulders, and face. Tom forgave Danny too, kissing him when they were satisfied with Xavier's sunburn being coated. I sat next to my boyfriend, and he made a face.

"I feel sticky," he muttered, unhappy.

I stuck my bottom lip out. "You're such a PLT."

"A PLT? What's that?" He asked me, not completely relaxed due to the gel covering every inch of his torso.

"Poor little thing."

He gave me a look, and I giggled.

"Don't give me that face! I feel really bad for you and I was just trying to make you feel a little better. You _are_ a poor little thing because you don't feel good," I countered, and slid a little closer.

He sighed, and leaned closer. "Fine. Thank you." He kissed me then and even his lips were sunburned.

I gave him the entire bed that night, and I slept on an air mattress on the floor. He wasn't too happy at first, but my knee ached so I was up most of the time and could see him toss and turn to find a comfortable position. I gave him some Tylenol and he finally went back to sleep.


	5. Birthday

_Danny_

The work was tiring, but we did it. Our guest list wasn't huge, but it was enough. We weren't recognized as a married couple, but to our friends and family it was close enough. It meant everything to Tom—I found out—to have a ceremony of some sort. I'd do anything for him, so I couldn't deny him this one thing. That would have been cruel. We picked out matching tuxedos with royal blue ties. Different shades of blue covered every inch of everything along with black and white. Our invitations were black and white paisley with every shade of blue striped rickrack. We tentatively invited Luke, but didn't expect him to RSVP. When he did though, it shocked us into silence for a few seconds. Tom called him and he said that he wanted to go to at least one wedding even if it wasn't his. We were having the wedding in Georgia, but definitely not at a church since they would have our heads in the deep south for this.

I let Tom have the reigns just like any groom would do in any normal wedding situation. He was bent over binders and booklets and pamphlets and swatches until the early morning hours and I made him come to bed. He napped in the afternoon and survived off of snacks and coffee. He hadn't eaten a full meal in I couldn't tell you how long. I put up with it, knowing how much this meant to him. I would never take this away from or ruin it for him. I relished the times he was asleep and relaxing. He was always moving too fast during the daylight hours (when he wasn't napping) that I could never hold or even touch him for longer than a few seconds. He always had something to do. He never turned "Bridezilla" on me, and for that I was immensely grateful.

Annabelle, Nicole, my mom, and his mom were all very helpful when I needed to get him to eat something or sleep. They'd take over, promising to get it done how Tom wanted, and that was the end of it. Tom handled things better than any other bride would have. If something couldn't be done, he always had a plan B. All of our friends could come, which excited Tom to no end.

Tom was settled at the kitchen table in my parents' house—where we'd been staying and would stay until the wedding—and was on the phone.

He repeated the address to whoever was on the phone, and then smiled. "Yep. At 2 o'clock. Okay. Can't wait. I'll see you then. Bye."

I smoothed my hands over his shoulders, and dropped a kiss on the top of his head.

"Do you need anything?" I asked him, nuzzling his head over so I could get to his neck.

He let his head droop onto his shoulder and me nibble and kiss his soft neck. He sighed, and I pressed my lips firmly to his pulse. It quickened by a fraction for a second before calming again. He was so tired.

"You need to take a break," I ordered, pulling his chair out. The phone started to ring, but I snatched it away before he could touch it. "I'll answer the phone. Go."

I took the call, and spoke while I walked behind Tom as he dragged through the family room. The lone downstairs bedroom was where Tom took his naps most of the time if he didn't crash on the couch. I gave Tom a kiss before leaving him to nap, and returned to the kitchen. I took four other RSVP calls, and worked on the music for the reception. I was in charge of music—for everything that involved it—and the honeymoon. Tom was so caught up in the wedding, he'd forgotten about the honeymoon and that's where I came in. None of us were to remind Tom because it was going to be a surprise for him. I made a playlist for the reception on the laptop on iTunes, and was quite satisfied with myself. I'd pretty much covered all—good and listenable—genres. Then I pulled out the hidden folder of the honeymoon things, and worked out all the details and kinks in the plans.

By the time I was getting a snack, Tom padded back in. He looked a lot better. I glanced at the clock.

"Three hours. That's good. How do you feel?" I said, and kissed him. He slipped behind me to get something out of the fridge.

"A little better. My head doesn't hurt, and things actually seem a little more enjoyable. Thanks for making me sleep."

"No problem, babe. Anytime," I joked, and touched his cheek with my knuckle.

My secret folder was tucked safely in the drawer it came from, and when he ambled over to the table he rifled through a few papers he didn't find anything that piqued his interest so I was safe. I took a bite of my sandwich, and when Tom snuggled up to my side I offered him some.

"Ham, cheddar cheese, and a little bit of mayo. Your favorite," I told him, and he took it from me. He took a bite, and I could see how his face changed when solid food hit his tongue. I smiled. "Eat it, sweetheart. I'll make another."

He gave me a look, his mouth full of sandwich, and I knew he didn't want to take my food. I'd give up all my food for him even if that left me starving. I'd give up everything for him. I smoothed his hair down, and cupped my hand around his neck.

"I can make another sandwich, baby. I want you to eat that one. You haven't had solid food in days. You need to eat it," I reassured him, and he nodded, swallowing.

"Thank you."

I smiled, and kissed his forehead. He devoured that sandwich before he took a drink and then ate another one. I watched him eat, shocked at how long he'd gone without eating, and made him take another drink before he got choked. He seemed a lot happier and content after his belly was full. I took him out into the family room and we sat sideways on the couch, Tom in between my legs. We hadn't sat like this in a long time—almost a month—and it felt so good. The front door opened, but neither of us moved. Tom's head rested on my chest, and he blinked sleepily. He was full and warm, and now he wanted to sleep again. Xavier and Sam came in, talking and laughing, and waved as they made towards the stairs. Tom dozed off again, and I kept him trapped against me so he couldn't get up to work some more.

_**-o-**_

I was lying on my belly, having just woken up, and stretched again. Tom was up, and downstairs. When I'd glanced at the clock, I remembered it was my birthday. I didn't even know until I looked at the clock this morning. I had totally forgotten because of the wedding. I was thirty today. The door downstairs slammed closed, and muffled voices spoke quickly. Footsteps thumped quietly on the carpeted stairs before leveling out on the carpet in the hallway. The door to my room was opened, and Tom peeked in. I looked back at him, and he smiled.

"Happy birthday," he crooned, and slipped inside the room, shutting the door silently.

I smiled, rolling over onto my back, and Tom toed his Sperry's off. He sat a coffee cup on the nightstand, and climbed into bed with me. He hovered over me, his knees on the sides of my hips and his hands by my shoulders. He kissed me, and smoothed my curls off my forehead.

"Where'd you go?" I asked him, my hands on his hips.

He nodded at the coffee. "Your parents didn't have any Seattle's Best coffee so I went to the coffee shop here that I knew had it. I wanted to get back before you woke up, but I didn't."

"Its fine, baby. I just woke up a little while ago. But thank you for the coffee," I said, leaning up to kiss him softly.

He smiled, and smoothed my hair back again. He pushed his fingers back through the curls, the tangles trapping his fingers. He pulled my head back, and pressed kisses across my jaw. When he got to my ear, he went down onto my neck, suckling on my pulse.

"My coffee's going to get cold," I whispered, but he didn't take that as an excuse.

"It's your birthday. You gave me this on my birthday morning, so you get the same," he told me, kissing my ear.

I didn't want him to top me. I was still so scared to bottom. It was just something I couldn't handle. I still pulled his shirt and shorts off, cupping my hand over his crotch as if to say I was still dominant, but he already understood. He let me nibble his collarbone, his head lolling back with a breathless gasp. He tugged impatiently on my shirt, his face betraying his excitement and eagerness. He wanted me so badly. I doffed my shirt and boxers, making Tom kneel in front of me. I tugged his briefs down to mid-thigh, kissing his belly, and made my way down to his member. He was close to shaking, and almost cried out when my lips touched him down there. He smacked his hands over his mouth, squeezing his eyes closed. I knew him so well that I knew when he was close to coming. He wanted me to stop, but I kept on, and his orgasm left him swaying slightly and gasping. I looked up at him, licking my lips, and he smiled, chuckling weakly. He smoothed his hand over my hair, and leaned down. Our lips touched and he pushed me down onto the bed.

He tossed his briefs onto the floor with the rest of our clothes, and reached over to the nightstand. I kept the things we used for sex in my nightstand since I was mainly the one to use them. He put a condom on me and I tugged on him to turn around. I stole the lube from him, and, instead of using my hands at first, I used my tongue. Tom was whimpering and arching his back and fisting his hands in the sheets by the time I was completely done with him. He took the lube back from me, coating the condom, and leaned forward. With his hands braced on my shoulders and my hand wrapped around the base of my own sex, he lowered himself onto me and eased himself all the way down until his hips rested against mine. I was panting, feeling every muscle in my body tense and relax at the pleasure I was feeling.

"You're so hot," Tom whispered to me, leaning down to smooth his hands over my chest and brush his lips across mine.

I gasped out his name, my hips shifting of their own accord, and pressed my head back into my pillow. Tom set the pace, and all I could do was oblige and take it. I was pushing my hips up towards Tom, moaning his name. I felt two of his fingers press against my prostate from the outside, and I gasped loudly, almost crying out. He continued to massage the skin there, pushing me closer and closer to the edge. He didn't mind that I thrust my hips up, pressing myself as deep as possible into him. He didn't mind that I held myself there as I came; the pleasure so great I couldn't make a noise. He didn't mind that he hadn't come again, and that I'd been reduced to a panting, shivering sweaty mass of goo. All he did was lifted himself off me, and disposed of the condom for me. He leaned over me, and stroked my damp curls.

"Do you want to take a shower, baby?" He asked me, the pad of his thumb pushing sweat off my face in slow, soft strokes.

I nodded, and sat up shakily. Tom's little hands, so soft and warm, rested on my waist, and he watched me carefully.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his grey eyes concerned.

"I'm fine," I rasped, my voice not completely working right then. "Just a little light-headed. Being horizontal doing _that_ isn't really my thing. Sorry."

He shook his head. "Don't be sorry, sweetie, its fine. I just want to make sure you're not going to A.) Throw up on me or B.) Pass out on me."

I smiled weakly, and shifted to stand up. Tom kept his hands on me, to steady me in case I started to fall. We walked into the bathroom, and Tom turned on the water. I splashed water on my face, just to wake myself up a little and get rid of my dizziness. Tom was already in the shower when I turned off the water and turned around. I pulled the shower curtain back, and he was leaned against the wall. His forehead was pressed to the cold, tile wall, his hand wrapped around his hard length, and he was starting to moan softly.

I climbed in, being sure not to catch my foot on the tub, and pressed up against Tom's back. He laid his head back on my chest, his hand moving frantically then, and I slid my hands down his torso. I pushed his hand out of the way, mine wrapping around his perfect cock, and worked him. I mixed murmurs of endearment and adoration with whispers of dirty, sexy turn-on's I know would get Tom.

"Ahh…fuck. Danny…faster, please!"

I smiled, and pressed the pads of my fingers harder into his member. I swirled my thumb around the head, and Tom's hips pushed forward into my hand. He was close, and I could tell. He was getting a little more vocal, and he finally bit his lip, throwing his head back onto my chest, when he came. Some of his release landed on my hand, and the heat was startling. He was panting, whispering how much he loved me and how good that felt. I rinsed my hand off, and smoothed his hair back.

"You're so warm," I told him, kissing his forehead. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just a little overheated," he said, and turned the water to lukewarm bordering on room temp or lower.

He washed off under the cool water, and I could almost see the redness and heat leave his skin. I was feeling hot as well—damn you June heat—so I washed off while he just stared at me. I felt his hands travel from my hipbones to my bottom, the pads of his fingers stroking the soft skin of my cheeks. Instead of letting me dry him off, he soaked up the water from my skin with a soft towel. I had to lean down for him to get my shoulders, neck, face, and hair. He loved when my hair was wet, the curls sodden and droopy with water. But he especially loved it when they were drying, slowly springing back to life. When my hair was clean, you could tell. My reddish-brown curls were soft and defined; you could easily run your fingers through them—no tangles (except when I sleep)—and they would jump right back into shape. When my hair needed to be washed, my curls were oily and if you ran your fingers through them, they'd mash against my head and I'd have to ruffle them back to somewhat normal shape.

My family was downstairs, the rest had just now gotten up, and I was given many 'happy birthdays.' Sam's athletic shorts seemed to be getting shorter and shorter, not that Xavier minded. He was caught multiple times staring at his boyfriend's legs, now smooth and free of hair. Xavier continued to brush his fingertips over Sam's legs, obsessed with the feeling. Sam let him, smiling and giggling whenever Xavier would do this, and leaned over to kiss him a few times. Tom stood behind me as I finished my breakfast—he was already done eating—and continued to run his fingers through my hair.

We spent the day relaxing, swimming a little, and then I was told to get dressed for dinner. Tom and I wore jeans—even though it was so hot—and thin T-shirts. I felt something in my back pocket, and fished it out. It was a piece of folded up notebook paper. I unfolded it and my eyes flickered over the words. I smiled, and looked over at Tom. He was bent over, one knee bent so his hips were uneven, and digging in a drawer. I padded over to him, shoving the paper back in my pocket, and pulled his hips back against mine. He just laughed, looking back at me, and shook his head.

"Did you not get enough this morning?" He asked, going back to what he was doing.

He tossed a sweatshirt back at me, and I caught it, laying it over my shoulder.

"Your ass is just so hot. I can't keep my hands to myself," I teased him, my hand cupping his bottom.

He shot up straight, gave me a look, and smacked my hand away.

"You have to wait until after dinner," he told me, and walked past me.

His hips were so perfect, swaying in time with each of his steps, and I watched him walk over to the door. He opened it, but was waiting.

"Are you coming or are you going to stare at my ass all night?"

I grinned, and he turned to look at me. He rolled his eyes, but smiled.

"Come on, you can put your hand in my back pocket if you want," he said, and I did just that when we got to the stairs.

My family was scattered around the downstairs when we came down. Sam was sprawled on the couch with Xavier curled up on top of him, and they looked up as we came down. Sam had on a purple T-shirt and very light blue jeans that had rips completely down his legs. He'd taken to wearing the boxer briefs like Xavier (that didn't even touch his legs) or briefs when wearing short shorts or these jeans. He didn't like his underwear showing. Don't ask how I know, I just do. Xavier was wearing dark grey shorts—he was so hot natured—and a pale green shirt. Sam was pressing soft, open-mouthed kisses to Xavier's forehead, making my brother smile and giggle softly. Sam suddenly rolled over, trapping Xavier beneath him, and Xavier laughed and laughed, unable to stop. Sam blew a raspberry on Xavier's belly, making him laugh harder.

"You guys, we have to go!"

We all looked towards the kitchen, and Nicole was coming out, carrying a big bag. I pretended to try and peek inside it, but Tom smacked my hand, and I feigned pouting. Tom took my hand, kissing it, and linked his fingers with mine. I smiled, leaning down, and kissed him.

"Save the kissing for the wedding. We've gotta go."

We pulled away, and Aaron raised an eyebrow at us. We grinned and practically stuck our tongues down each other's throats just to piss him off further. Tom and I weren't allowed to drive, being shoved into the backseat of a car. Tom sat against the far side of the car, looking out the window. We were still holding hands, I could feel his ring against my own fingers, but he wasn't close to me. I shifted around, and reached over to touch him. He flinched away, but recovered himself and looked over at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, rubbing my thumb over his jaw.

"Nothing. You just scared me," he told me, obviously lying right to my face.

I knew something was wrong, but I also knew he'd tell me what it was when he was ready.

"Okay," I whispered, brushing the rest of my fingertips over his cheek before leaning back.

I was just watching the outside when my hand moved and I felt heavy warmth rest against my side. I looked down, and Tom was leaning against me. He wasn't looking at me, just looking out the windshield. I disconnected our hands so I could wrap my arm around him. He still didn't look up at me, but let me kiss his forehead.


	6. Birthday Pt 2

My family took me to my favorite steakhouse, and I wasn't allowed to pay like I usually did. Even though Tom and I didn't have a lot of money, we had enough and we were very frugal for two gay men. One of my siblings told the hostess it was my thirtieth birthday so I was thoroughly embarrassed after the meal. I blew out my candle on the molten lava cake (also my favorite), and my family cheered. I fed Tom, who perked up once he ate something, some of the cake and got a giggle or two out of him. With chocolate on our lips, Tom and I gave each other a soft, close-mouthed kiss. We licked the chocolate off our lips after pulling away, laughing along with our family.

After dessert, it was time for presents. I really didn't need presents, since we had a wedding coming up, but my family insisted. Sam gave me a watch; Xavier gave me a necklace; and the rest of my family gave me various gift cards. Tom gave me the most presents—topping out at four or five—and that touched me the most. Tom gave me a new phone (my other one had been beaten up and _almost_ run over by a car, but still worked), a bracelet, a T-shirt, and something very special…

…a ring.

While Tom's ring was more feminine (we were gay, okay?), mine was only a tiny bit more masculine. But really not by much. It was titanium with a strip cut out of the middle around the ring. The colors of the rainbow sparkled in the strip, and a white sapphire floated in the center—held to the ring on either side.

It was _my_ engagement ring.

I wore it home, kissing Tom whenever I could on the way. He was getting surly and tired, so I just let him snuggle up to my side. When we got home, Tom took my bag of gifts upstairs. I watched him go, his shoulders pulling up and curling inward. He wasn't feeling well, I could tell. Xavier knocked me gently with his shoulder, his hands hidden in his pockets.

"Do you like your presents?" Xavier asked me.

"Of course. Thanks," I told him, kissing his forehead.

"You should really thank Tom more so than me. He's been sneaking around for weeks, getting you presents and everything. He planned what restaurant we should take you to. He planned around the obvious fact that you two would have sex in the morning. He's worked really hard."

I looked at my brother, his dark eyes that matched mine.

"What about the wedding? When's he had the time?" I asked.

Xavier shrugged. "I don't know. All I know is that he wanted to make your birthday as great as possible because he didn't want you to feel that you were forgotten in all the wedding stuff. He really really wanted to make you feel like he was still thinking of you."

I was silent—completely shocked. Tom came back down then. He was in pajamas—athletic shorts and a tank top—and he looked very tired and sick. His cheeks were flushed scarlet, standing out against his tan skin. He came over to my side, tucking himself against me, and I looked down at him. I cupped my hands around his cheeks, feeling how hot they were.

"Sweetheart, you're so warm. I knew you didn't feel good. Why didn't you say something this morning?"

Tom looked at me, his grey eyes tentative, and then averted his eyes.

"It's your birthday. I didn't want to make you worry," he whispered, and I stroked his hair.

"Baby," I crooned, and he glanced up at me quickly. "I don't care if it's my birthday or any other day. All I want is for you to at least to come to me about it even if you don't let me take care of you."

He looked up at me, his eyes now tired and glazed over. "Okay," he whispered, and hooked his fingers into my front pockets to pull me closer.

I kissed his head, holding my lips there longer than usual. When I pulled away, I tilted his head back so he'd look at me.

"Xavier told me that you did all my birthday stuff just so I wouldn't feel forgotten," I said, and his eyes widened. He'd been caught.

He nodded only slightly, looking away.

"No, look at me." He did, though it could only be described as painfully. "I love that you did that. You took away your time planning _our_ wedding to do something for me. You gave me the most presents, and I never even asked for them. You've already done so much for me, and yet you continue to do more. I couldn't ask for anything else."

His lip was close to quivering, but he recovered himself quickly. "I just wanted to show you I loved you."

"Oh, honey, you did. You did show me that you loved me."

Tom sniffed and leaned up, kissing me. I pressed my hand into the small of his back, pulling him closer, and kissed him back.

"I'll leave you two to…that," I heard Xavier say.

I pulled away from Tom, and said, "You do that. Tell Sam thanks for me."

"Will do. 'Night."

"'Night."

I picked Tom up when Xavier's footsteps faded up the stairs, and he looked at me with big grey eyes. His cheeks were still flushed and hot, his breathing a pant now, but I knew he wouldn't take anything for me right now. So instead, I kissed him and shifted him up so I could walk upstairs. I had to pull away so I wouldn't fall _up_ the stairs, so Tom took the liberty of kissing and nibbling my neck. I got into our room, kicking the door shut behind me, and took Tom over to the bed. Pressing my knee into my mattress, I laid Tom down. He was pulled away from my neck, which he didn't like. I smiled, smoothing his hair back, and stood up. He sat up, reaching for me, but I was already too far away.

"I want you to take some medicine before we do anything," I told him, going into the bathroom.

I found some Tylenol, and filled a Dixie cup with water. Tom took the medicine and crumpled the cup up to toss into the trashcan. When he was done, he pulled me onto the bed. He undid my jeans, yanking them and my boxers to my mid-thigh, and wrapped his mouth around me. I gasped, threading my fingers in his hair, and let him set the pace. He gagged himself quite a bit, apologizing with a hard blush on his cheeks. I stroked his hair, telling him it was fine, and advised him to use his hand too instead of just his mouth so he'd cover more area without hurting himself. He liked this idea, and it felt so good to have both his hot mouth and soft hand on me. As I came, though, Tom jerked away, gagging hard. When I'd calmed, he was still gagging a little. I settled on my legs, closer to his line of sight, and stroked his hair.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" I asked him, and he nodded.

"Go spit in the sink or something. I'm sorry I didn't warn you," I said, rubbing his back.

He shook his head, but held up a finger and got up. He disappeared into the bathroom, and I sighed. I rid myself of my pants and boxers, using my boxers to wipe my release off the sheet. I'd have to change the sheets before we went to sleep. I jumped when I felt warm, soft hands on my backside, but relaxed quickly.

"Are you getting better with this?" Tom asked me, his thumb brushing over my skin.

"I don't know. I hate that I'm scared for my soon-to-be husband to touch my ass. It's a really weird feeling, let me tell you," I said, and Tom's hands slid under my T-shirt to rub my lower back.

"I'm sorry that it upsets you. I wish it didn't, because I'd love to touch your ass more if you'd let me."

I laughed, and I heard Tom giggle into my back. His hands moved to cup underneath my bottom, and I sighed. It felt so good. I could feel my anxiety melt away with just a touch from Tom. It was amazing.

"See, it's not so bad. I'm not gonna hurt you." Tom's voice was a soft croon, relaxing and soothing me.

"I know you're not gonna hurt me. You're too little to hurt me anyway," I teased him, but he sighed irritably at me.

"Not my point, Danny," he muttered.

I smiled. "I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry."

Tom shimmied out of his jeans and briefs, and we stood there together in only our T-shirts. Tom was hard, and I could feel myself get hard just looking at him. His T-shirt brushed against his member, and he shivered. I smiled, pulling him close, and gently pushed him onto the bed. I crawled over him, and he smiled eagerly. I carefully pushed his legs further apart, spreading them so I could get to the insides of his thighs. He was incredibly sensitive there, as was I, and if I kissed him there it'd drive him crazy. He gasped when my lips and hands ravished the soft skin there. My fingers found his prostate from the outside, and a moan caught in the back of his throat when I massaged him there. His quiet whimpers and needy gasps that turned into soft moans were enough for me to relent finally. I tugged his T-shirt off, throwing mine onto the floor as well, and made love to my soon-to-be husband.

_**-o-**_

"I'd be glad to be the photographer."

I smiled, kissing my little brother's head, and Leroy rolled his eyes at me. I ruffled his hair, and he scowled at me.

"Stop being such a dick," Leroy mumbled, joking with me now.

"Don't be such a—" I covered Tom's ears since he doesn't like the word I was about to say "—pussy."

"Boys! Language!" Our mom yelled from the kitchen.

"Sorry!" We both called, snickering. We'd always be getting yelled at for our language.

"What did you say?" Tom asked me accusingly, but I just kissed his forehead.

"A very not nice word I know you don't like, babe."

He grimaced, and I kissed his head as he went back to picking tablecloths or something. Tom's phone buzzed on the coffee table next to his binder and seven-hundred pens and highlighters. He picked it up, and opened his new text message.

"Aw, Luke really wants to help. He feels so useless. God, I feel so sorry for him. Is it okay if he comes over here?" Tom said, looking back at me for my consent.

"Yes, sweetheart, you can have a friend over," I teased, and he glared at me.

Tom sent a text back, sitting his phone on the table and going back to what he was doing. It buzzed again a minute later, and he looked at the text. About fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang. Tom bounded to get it, and I smiled. He could spark my love for him to swell in my chest with just an adorable smile or an excited movement. He was so precious.

Luke looked a lot better than the last time I saw him, and he acted a lot happier to face the world. He grinned when he saw me, and I wrapped his little body up in a big hug. He so deserved it.

"I've missed you guys so much," he said, smiling so big.

I stroked his inky curls, and noticed he still wore his engagement ring.

"It's good to see you, sweetheart. Come in. Do you want something to drink?" I said, and he hugged Tom.

"Um, water?" He said, pulling away from Tom.

"We're in the south, Luke, you get tea. Tea is like water, I thought you knew that," I teased him, and he laughed.

"Tea then. Thanks," he said, and followed Tom to the couch.

I got him and Tom some tea, and settled next to Tom. Luke had a great creative imagination, and he was amazing with the decorating and what not. He was a great help, and that way we could give our families a rest. He was with Tom day after day helping him out. Tom constantly checked with me to see if I felt left out or saddened by my lack of input. Though I did miss Tom and wish I would be "man" enough to plan _our_ wedding with him, I told him no and that I was fine. We'd have a few days to ourselves to go register for last minute gifts, so I wasn't too worried.


	7. Story

I had our mail forwarded to my parents' house, and as I flipped through it I found Tom and mine's STI test results. Tom was fishing through the fridge when I leaned over the island and smacked his ass with his envelope. We decided that this would be our last test since we'd been monogamous for seven years (okay, I slipped up once). Since nothing has ever shown up, we weren't really worried.

"You're clean, babe," I told him after ripping open his envelope. I opened mine then. "So am I. We're done with that. Thank God."

Tom came over to me, kissing me, and I grinned at him.

"Celebratory sex tonight?" He joked, smirking.

"Of course," I agreed.

He giggled, his cheeks turning pink, and I kissed him again. Tom went back to finding a snack when Sam and Xavier came in. Sam pushed Xavier up against the doorjamb, his knee going in between my brother's thighs.

I cleared my through and they looked at me. "Do you mind removing your knee from my brother's crotch?"

Sam sighed at me, but smiled, and got off Xavier.

"You guys got letters," I told them, sliding the envelopes across the island to them.

They tore into the envelopes and read the paper inside.

"We're clean," Xavier said, kissing Sam. He stroked his hand down the hair on the back of Sam's neck, and smiled at his boyfriend.

"We are too. This was our last test," I told them, and Sam stroked Xavier's hair along the top of his ear as if he was putting some hair behind Xavier's ear.

"This was our last too. We're committed partners now; we're not fucking around anymore. Like we ever were," Sam explained, kissing Xavier's temple. "I love you."

"I love you too." Xavier and Sam's lips molded together in a sweet kiss that made me smile.

_**-o-**_

Some of our friends decided to come down about a week before the wedding (why? I'll never know). Tom and I were meeting Bryan and Eli for lunch one afternoon, when I noticed something I hadn't before. Both Eli and Bryan wore medical alert bracelets. I touched Bryan's, and he looked down at it.

"What's this for?" I asked him.

He turned it over and showed me. "I'm HIV positive."

I looked at him, and his dark green eyes widened.

"I never told you," he said, and I shook my head. "Fuck, I'm so sorry. I totally forgot."

"It's not something to apologize for," Tom said, and Eli reached over to touch Bryan's arm.

"Sweetheart, are you sure you want to tell them here?" Eli's concern touched me, but Bryan nodded, going to hold his partner's hand.

"I got it when I was about twenty. I had a steady boyfriend who I didn't know was positive. He didn't even know he was positive. He wasn't paying very good attention one time when we had sex, and the condom tore. He didn't know; I didn't know. And once it was over, we figured it out and I think I almost passed out. I was terrified, but it got better later on. We broke up soon after we found out we were both positive, and I was single for a couple years before meeting Eli. I was depressed, thinking that my life was over and that no one would ever love me because I had this disease. I had a very strong feeling of that my life was done and over with. Nothing else mattered. I still think constantly that in one second I could give Eli a whole other sickness to deal with and "end his life" as well. I'd hate myself forever if I gave him this. He's got enough to worry about. I don't think my life's over anymore, because I've got Eli to show me that I'm not useless and unlovable," Bryan explained, and pushed tears out of his eyes.

Eli looked at his boyfriend, looking as if he was going to cry with him, but recovered himself.

"Bryan worries a lot. Especially about me. It's sweet, but I'm sure it's not healthy for him," Eli teased, trying to lighten the mood.

He stroked Bryan's dark brown hair—it was almost black—and Bryan smiled miserably at Eli.

"You're always very careful, baby. You won't mess up. I promise. And _if you do_, I will never hate you for it. Then we won't have to be as scared."

Bryan's eyes narrowed, and he gave Eli a hard look. Eli leaned away.

"I will _not_ give you this. You do _not_ deserve it."

Eli just looked at Bryan, his blue eyes bordering on frightened, and nodded. Seeing how he scared his partner, Bryan's face softened and he gently pulled Eli closer. He kissed him, a soft molding of their lips, and Eli relaxed.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you. I shouldn't have," Bryan apologized, kissing Eli's forehead. "You were right, and I couldn't accept that. I apologize."

Eli just blinked, still recovering himself, and nodded. "It's okay. I forgive you."

I leaned back in my chair, putting my arm on the back of Tom's chair, and smoothed my fingers over Tom's shoulder. A couple passed by our table, a guy with a girl under his arm, and gave us a disgusted look.

"Fags," the guy muttered under his breath.

Tom gripped my leg, making me look at him, when I tensed as if to stand.

"Stay," Tom growled, his hands on the inside of my thigh and my face.

I looked down at him, his grey eyes steely now, but I could see hurt under the mask of anger. He hated the word 'fag'; absolutely loathed it. It was a cuss word to him. A bad word he wasn't supposed to say as it would hurt people's feelings if he did. Bryan and Eli had reacted in much the same way Tom and I had. Bryan had stiffened, Eli gripping his T-shirt to keep him seated, and Bryan had relaxed to look at Eli. Bryan cradled Eli's head in his hand, pressing it onto his shoulder. Eli's hands were shaking, his hand curled into the fabric of Bryan's shirt.

"Pumpkin, your blood sugar's low," Bryan murmured, wrapping one of Eli's little hands in his.

Eli nodded, still shaking, and fumbled for something in his pocket. But Bryan was faster. He pulled a hard candy out of his cargo pocket, unwrapped it, and told Eli to open his mouth. Eli did, and Bryan put the candy in his partner's mouth. Eli looked at his lap, his hands shaking almost violently, and didn't make a noise—only the soft clacking noise the candy made against his teeth. Bryan kissed Eli's head softly, stroking his cheek with an only slightly unsteady hand. Eli, though only a few inches shorter than Tom, seemed so tiny and thin compared to Bryan who was thicker (but not by much) and built more like Tom than me with his lean muscle that could be seen under his skin.

We paid and left soon after that, already done with our meals. We dropped Bryan and Eli off at their hotel, telling them to relax and we'd see them later. Xavier was home alone, very bored looking when we walked in.

"Hey, sweetie. Where's your leach—I mean—Sam?" I teased him, and he scowled.

"Dance class. Stupid teenage girls are stealing my boyfriend from me," he muttered, obviously not happy.

I kissed his head. "You've got a ring on his finger; that should mean at least something to you."

Xavier sighed, looking up at me. "It does. You don't even know. I just want to spend time with him."

"Go on a date," Tom chirped, looking between us.

"There you go. You get alone time with him, and you'll have fun. You two need to relax," I told him, and he nodded. "And, I do know how much it means."

I raised Tom's left hand, showing Xavier his ring, and smiled.

"Go plan you and your boyfriend a date." I gave his shoulder a little shove and he got up, bounding up the stairs.


	8. Bells

_**Late June**_

Tom and I were split up for our bachelor parties the night before the wedding. We didn't drink—all of our friends and us having made a pact so to speak—so we could remember that night. Since I was the "man" in our relationship, I was taken to a gay club and embarrassed. That's very hard to do, but it was done. Thanks to my friends. Our friends were split up by "top" and "bottom" between Tom and I. I got the tops, he got the bottoms. It made perfect sense. Calix tried not to worry about Simon—but he failed about an hour in. Alaska and Scarlett didn't show up, and neither did Saul and Rebecca. Scarlett wasn't feeling spectacular and Rebecca and Saul had Mel with them. My brothers came with me, and Jasper went with Tom; Sam was with my squad since he and my brother are a package deal to the fullest extent. Xavier was the only bottom in my group, and Jasper was the only top in Tom's. Again, it worked out.

The next morning, I was woken up by a screaming alarm clock and no warm body curled up next to me. I missed Tom already, and that was bad since I had to get through the morning to our early afternoon wedding. We had to get married and have our reception so we could get to where we were headed for our honeymoon. I had subtly asked Tom if there were cities he'd always wanted to visit when I'd started planning this trip. He never caught on, and I got my answers.

I tried and tried to get my curls to do something remotely close to cooperating but it didn't happen. I just let them fall where they wanted—difficult little bastards—and went to work on the rest of my tux. I was just shrugging into my jacket, fixing my cufflinks on my shirt, when someone knocked on my door. I looked at the clock, hoping I wasn't late, but I was fine. I opened the door and my baby brother stood in front of me, a shy but excited smile adorning his face. He held his corsage, a lily of the valley and forget-me-not tied together with a royal blue ribbon.

"Can you help me?" He asked, a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

I laughed. "Of course, sweetheart. Come in." I took his corsage from him, and the large safety pin Tom had decided would be easier to use. We went for ease not decoration. I noticed he wasn't wearing his glasses. His blond hair was slicked back, the gel making it look almost brown, and he looked so handsome. I really wished he'd get married to Sam just so I could see him like this again. "Where are your glasses?"

He watched as I fastened his corsage onto his lapel, and then looked at me. "I got contacts a few days ago. Sam really likes it so he won't hurt me by smashing my glasses when he kisses me. I like them too; it's a lot less hassle."

I smiled, brushing my knuckles down his cheek when I was done, and he blushed. I kissed his forehead, my thumb stroking over the skin of his jaw.

"It's almost time," he told me, his voice soft and whispery. He seemed a little nervous.

"I think you're more nervous than I am. What's on your mind, angel?" I murmured, stroking his face.

"I haven't seen Sam all day. I don't know what he's wearing and—"

"—and you're excited to see him. I understand. I've been through that many times, and I'm going through it right now. I can't even begin to tell you how eager I am to see Tom."

Xavier smiled, and I patted his cheek. "Let me get my Bible and your handkerchief. Thanks for letting me borrow it."

"You needed something, besides I'm your brother, I have to do these things for you," he joked, and I grinned.

I slid my Bible into the pocket inside my jacket and Xavier's handkerchief into my front pocket, the embroidered 'X' peeking out. He smiled, and leant up, pecking me a kiss. We left my empty room; mine and Tom's luggage already in the Jeep. I knew my brother's were probably vandalizing the hardtop cover of the Jeep, but I was happy about it. I was getting married. For real this time. We were having the wedding right in our big backyard. It was as traditional as a gay wedding could get. We had our pick of flowers as the centerpieces and just around the entire grounds. Xavier was my best man; Jasper was Tom's. We only needed our two best men for the wedding. Nicole would be our "minister" for the wedding, since she _always_ has something to say.

Tom and I sent Tom's dad an invitation but never got anything back from him. Tom had been crushed, but pushed it to the back of his mind and moved on. I knew it hurt him deeper than he let on, but I didn't bring it up. I would wait at the altar as the groom usually would. Tom, though he wasn't terribly girly, admitted that he was more like the bride and I was more like the groom. He would walk, alone, down the aisle to me. I wanted so badly to see him, but I wasn't allowed to until he was standing in front of me as we got married.

Xavier, Jasper, and I all talked as we waited for the rest of the wedding guests to filter to their seats. I could see Bryan and Eli sitting towards the middle, talking quietly. Eli looked a little pale, but he seemed fine other than that. Calix and Simon were walking towards Bryan and Eli, and sat next to them. Scarlett, very pregnant, waddled (it's the only way to describe her walk) with Alaska towards some empty seats next to Rebecca and Saul. Mel squirmed on Rebecca's lap, but didn't make any noise. She was a calm child, which I was grateful for today. Everyone was seated quickly, and we positioned ourselves just so at the end of the aisle.

We waited a few minutes for any kind of music to start, but nothing happened. I wanted very badly to go make sure Tom was okay. But just as I shifted as if to move down the aisle, Tom's music choice came on, and the sliding glass doors opened. Shoes crunched on the concrete and then quieted when they hit the grass. I felt my breath catch in my throat when Tom stepped into view. He was so gorgeous in his tuxedo and royal blue tie that matched mine. Both our best men had on baby blue ties to match our every-shade-of-blue theme. His hair was gelled back, off his forehead, and his bright eyes were unobstructed and captivating even from where I was. Our guests stood, and Tom blushed. He walked down the aisle, even, measured steps, and smiled at me. He was only looking at me, and I was only looking at him.

Tom stopped right in front of me, and our guests settled back into their chairs. Our matching corsages—blue morning glories and daisies—were pinned perfectly on our lapels, and even that little detail made everything seem flawless and immaculate. Tom was already close to crying, but he held back his tears so Nicole could at least start speaking.

Nicole spoke about how I had been so unattached to any one person before I met Tom. She told how much my family saw that I changed when Tom came into my life. She said how thankful she was that Tom changed me into the man that I am today, because I am a better man today than I was all those years ago. I agreed with her because she was right on every point. She then spoke about Tom's bravery in both the Army and his bravery in trusting me. Me, of all people. She said that of all the people Tom could have chosen as his partner, he chose her brother which made her so incredibly happy because she could see how happy I was. She told about mine and Tom's connection and unbreakable relationship. It got mushier and more sentimental as it went on, but it was great for a wedding.

I looked out of the corner of my eye while Nicole talked when Sam shifted in his seat in the front row. Xavier was watching him, and Sam smiled at him. Sam mouthed 'I love you' to Xavier, making my brother blush and smile. I smiled faintly because I had too. I couldn't help myself when it came to Xavier and Sam.

Nicole asked for the rings, and our brothers stepped up. Our other rings had been bought in a rush to get married the first time, so we bought better one's this time, putting each other's other old ring on a chain to wear around our necks. Our rings were plain, 4mm white gold bands. We repeated our vows to each other, sliding our rings on each other's finger, and that's when Tom started crying. I smiled sympathetically, touching his cheek, and Jasper reached forward to touch Tom's shoulder. Jasper's hand rubbed Tom's shoulder, offering some comfort, and Tom touched his brother's hand. I wiped tears off his cheeks, and kissed his forehead even when Nicole discreetly beat the shit out of my arm. I gave her a look once I leaned back, and tilted my head for her to continue.

"Danny and Tom will combine their lives in any way they're allowed legally. They will apply for a domestic partnership, combine their banks accounts; the works. Why they didn't do this before, I'll never know."

The guests laughed; a rippling across the small crowd.

"And so, in front of all of you as witnesses, I now pronounce Daniel Brandon Smith and Thomas Adrian Lynch married."

We grinned, and Nicole raised an eyebrow.

"Gentlemen, would you like to seal that with a kiss?"

"I think I would," I said, and Tom laughed.

My right arm went around Tom's waist, my other hand going up to cradle his head, and I crushed our lips together. Tom smiled into the kiss, wrapping his arms around my neck, and let me dip him down a little. Our guests applauded, and our very close friends and our family (except for our parents because they had a little more dignity) whistled and made a lot more noise. When we pulled away, I could see and feel the happiness and joy roll off Tom as he beamed out into the crowd from his spot under my arm.

"Mr. Danny and Tom Lynch-Smith!" Nicole called out, and our guests clapped again. Though Tom was so willing to take my last name, I wouldn't let him. We were hyphenating our last names. We were a family now.

Tom and I held hands as we walked back down the aisle, the guests standing and continuing to clap. Jasper and Xavier got their partners from the first row, and made their way down the aisle behind us. When our guests started leaving for the reception hall, the families and we posed for our pictures. Though Leroy was our photographer, he had a very good photographer friend do most of the family pictures so he could be in them as well. But when it was just Tom and I in the pictures (there were so many of those) Leroy snapped pictures like crazy. He was an amazing photographer which made me proud to be his brother. I was proud to be the oldest of all my siblings. I was proud to be their brother.

We hated that we had to have our guests drive to our reception hall, but everyone we apologized to would tell us it was okay and that it was our day. It wasn't that far anyway. Our names were hung as a poster Xavier designed for us above the door, and I really needed to thank him again for that.

The DJ introduced us as we walked-hand in hand-into the room, and all the guests turned to see us, applauding. We were having a traditional southern wedding. No alcohol and buffet-style food. We got our favorite barbeque restaurant to cater, so we were very happy with our dinner. Xavier laughed when I fed Tom some of the sweet potato casserole (with marshmallow topping like we loved it), and I then kissed my husband. Our lips were sticky with the marshmallow, but we were riding high today. My siblings and Jasper disappeared from our table, and I could only wait to see what damage they would do. I found them with the microphone near the DJ, and Nicole took the liberty of getting everyone's attention. She then gave it to Xavier who looked terrified. Sam still sat at our table, and he smiled encouragingly at my brother. Xavier felt for his ring on his left hand, and visibly relaxed. Jasper stood right next to Xavier, and even my brother's towered over him. I felt bad for him—I always have—for being the shortest male in our family.

"Danny has always been a great brother to us. He's taught us everything we didn't learn from our parents. I really wouldn't have made it if it hadn't been for him. I would not have my partner or boyfriend or husband or whatever you want to call the man I'm in love with. Danny has showed me that it's okay to be who I am and tell everyone else something I'd probably be smacked for saying. So I'll keep that between us,"—the crowd murmured with laughter—"and I'll save myself a lot of bruises. But, Danny has done more than I can say for me personally. It's redundant, but I really wouldn't be here if it wasn't for his determination. He's told me stories from when I was a baby and how he could tell I was different from our brothers and sisters at that age and other kids my age. He knew something was "special" about me and that might have contributed to the amount of time he spent with me. He even told me that he knew himself that he favored me over our siblings. Suck it up, Aaron, we all know it,"—Aaron scoffed and pouted—"I guess what I'm rambling about is that Danny has done so much for me, never asked for anything in return, and continues to do more for me than I even ask for. I wish him the best with Tom—who I also love dearly—and am proud to call them my brothers."

We all applauded for Xavier, making him blush but grin, and he came back to the table. I stood, hugging him tightly, and kissed his cheek. I pushed tears out of my eyes, and Tom linked our fingers together.

"Thank you, Zay," I mumbled around tears, having to hug him again.

"You're welcome," he whispered to me, kissing my cheek now. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart. That meant so much to me."

He smiled, his cheeks getting pinker, and Sam put his hand on my brother's leg. I saw out of the corner of my eye Aaron steal the microphone from Jasper.

"Stop crying, dammit! This is a happy day!"

We all laughed.

"Aaron, shut up. You _bawled_ at your wedding," Nicole defended me.

"Thanks, Nicky. And you did, Aaron. Stop trying to deny it," I called, and laughter filled the room again.

My siblings gave similar speeches to me and Jasper gave a very heartfelt one to Tom which made my poor husband sob so hard I thought he was going to hyperventilate. But Tom laughed when Jasper's corsage—a white gardenia and a blue carnation—dropped right off his jacket. Jasper picked it up, cursing at it under his breath, and Tom just laughed. Our families had matching corsages—lily of the valley and forget-me-not for the Smith's and white gardenia and blue carnation for the Lynch's. Only Tom and mine were different. We matched each other. We all finished eating and before Tom and I danced for the first time as a married couple, we gave our little speech.

"This really couldn't have happened without our families. And we will thank them until they make us stop talking. But there is someone else we really need to thank. He has gone through so much, and still he pushes through to help us. He's gone through hell and back, but he still makes time for us and our crazy demands. Tom and I want to thank Luke, because he's amazing and he deserves it."

Luke, sitting at the table diagonal from ours, stood up shyly. He smiled, his hands in the pockets of his suit pants, and everyone clapped for him. He nodded, and we let him sit back down.

"Stop talking and dance already!" Nicole and Aaron yelled together.

I scowled at them. "We were having a nice time earlier talking about how much we loved each other. Am I allowed to take that back since I'm the one who just got married? Thank you very much."

The crowd laughed, and I smiled. But they were right, we needed to dance. Our song we'd chosen was "Breathe" by Faith Hill. Sam hadn't taught us how to dance, we were fairly good already, but he did give us tips on how not to make a fool of ourselves in front of our wedding party. Tom and I entangled ourselves just so, and he grinned at me. I smiled, and molded our mouths together. Flashes went off everywhere when we danced, but we were too caught up in each other to mind. Tom got distracted by a camera only once—it was probably Leroy—but I'm sure the picture turned out adorably. I could see Tom's cheeks pink up when I bent my head to pull his attention back to me, and his shoulders came up a little in embarrassment from being distracted, but he was smiling. I smiled lazily, just so happy and relaxed. I kissed his forehead when he turned back to me, and saw a flash go off. Every time we kissed or there was a cute moment between us, several flashes went off. But I loved it. I'd finally have photos of Tom and me to decorate every inch of our home.

Our song ended and we kissed. We had disposable cameras—multiple at every table—for everyone to take pictures. I could see Bryan and Eli—still looking a little sick and pale—smiling for Calix's camera. Scarlett and Alaska were taking pictures too, and just seeing everyone have a great time made me feel so great. The DJ started up my playlist and music leaked from the speakers. Sam coaxed Xavier out onto the floor, but once he was there he let go like I'd almost never seen him do before. On one of the fast songs by Enrique Iglesias I put on there, Sam's hands gripped my brother's hips as they danced. Xavier laughed when Sam pulled him flush against his body, and kissed him. Xavier could never be rough with anyone, even if it was just playful. I saw Leroy sneak pictures of Xavier and Sam as they laughed, danced, and kissed. I didn't mind. I wanted pictures of them too. It was almost mesmerizing to watch Sam dance. He knew exactly what to do, when to do it, and how to move with Xavier. But then watching my brother dance was a whole other kind of mesmerizing. To see him so open and having so much fun was all that I wanted for him. Xavier's arms went around Sam's neck, and they danced with their faces only inches away. They stole soft kisses from each other as they calmed and a slower song came on. "Your Body Is A Wonderland" by John Mayer came on, and Sam leaned in closer to Xavier while they cuddled together to dance. Sam's lips moved as he said something to Xavier that made him blush, and Sam smiled. He said something else to Xavier, and my brother nodded.

I felt a warm hand link with mine, and I looked down. Tom smiled up at me, and I grinned. I curled my fingers under his chin and gave him a kiss. A flash popped and Leroy winked at us as. I laughed, and pulled Tom up against me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and mine went around his neck and my hands rested on his back. He looked up at me, his eyes closing as I pressed my lips to his forehead. Two flashes popped, and Calix was standing next to Leroy. They both smirked.

"You want something to take a picture of?" I asked them, and they nodded.

Tom yelped as I pulled him up into my arms, his legs automatically going around my waist, and I crushed our lips together. Tom even kissed back with dominance and tugged on my hair. Flashes popped like crazy, and soon I had to laugh and drop Tom. He rubbed the back of his legs.

"That hurt. My tuxedo and suits are not made for making out. But my Army dress uniform is actually pretty roomy," Tom joked, and I laughed.

Everything was so happy and fun and great. I had my husband; we had a good two or three hours until our plane this evening; and everyone was enjoying themselves.

We had decided to wear garters around the highest possible part of our leg (that we could reach through a tuxedo pant leg) to embarrass each other as we slid it off in front of all our guests. It was our version of tossing the bouquet. Tom started blushing as I rolled his pant leg up, but I just laughed, trying to make it fun instead of mortifying. Once I'd wiggled it down, I pulled it the rest of the way off with my teeth. Tom laughed now, but was blushing hard and squirming uncomfortably. I gave him a kiss after fixing his pant leg and as I started to stand. He laughed for real though when I flung his garter and it landed right in Luke's hands. Luke laughed so hard, holding it up proudly.

Tom enjoyed seeing me squirm, even though I didn't really feel all that embarrassed. I loved it. It was fun. Someone whistled when Tom tugged my garter off with his teeth. He winked at me, and I laughed. When he shot my garter out into our guests, Xavier gaped when it hit him right in the chest. Sam crowed with laughter, and hugged my brother, kissing him. I grinned, clapping and laughing along with all the rest of the guests. Xavier smirked, and kissed Sam back, happy now and over the shock. With one arm still around Sam's neck, Xavier held the garter up high, laughing and holding his boyfriend close.

We all jumped, though, when Scarlett howled in pain and Bryan screamed Eli's name and hurtled several chairs to get to his table.

Tom and I split up automatically. I nudged people out of the way, and finally got through to Bryan. Eli was slumped on the ground, his entire body shaking slightly; his blood sugar had plummeted.

"Eli, baby, everything's gonna be okay. I'm gonna make it okay," Bryan murmured to his partner, smoothing Eli's hair off his forehead repeatedly.

Two ambulances were called, and Tom and I were forced to stay back. We tried to enjoy the rest of the reception, but we really wanted to know how our friends were doing. We got hourly phone calls from Alaska and Bryan. Eli was slowly improving, and Scarlett was going to have a long labor since she wasn't even dilated five centimeters yet.

Tom and I ran under a shower of bubbles (we were nice to the birds), and kissed next to our pimped out Jeep. I felt Tom's hand in my pocket, and when we pulled away he dangled the keys in front of my face. He laughed, and scampered around to the driver's side. I sighed at him, and everyone laughed. I got in the passenger's side, and kissed Tom once we were inside. We didn't have cans tied to the back since we were parking it at the Atlanta airport, but the windows were painted on—the paint was the colors of the rainbow (my siblings were creative like that). 'Just Married' adorned every inch of space on the windows along with little bells and hearts. We waved as we drove away, and Tom laid on the horn.

We stopped at the hospital to see everyone. Bryan was sniffley and scared to death. He sat next to Eli, holding his hand, and spoke softly and feebly. I kissed his head gently, sitting with him while Tom got him some water to take his AZT with. For some reason, if people were alone with me, they'd open up and talk like crazy. Bryan told me about Eli not feeling well this morning and not eating a lot today. He told me about the long nap Eli took today. But he stopped talking when Eli's fingers curled into his.

"Eli? Pumpkin, can you open your eyes for me?"

Bryan was leaning over his partner, stroking Eli's hair, and then touched his waist. Eli's fingers gripped Bryan's hand hard, and he blinked bleary, glazed eyes opening to look at Bryan. His eyes then moved to me, and they started to water.

"I'm so sorry," he choked out in a whisper.

I stood up, and walked around to the other side of his bed. He tried to sit up, but he was too shaky to really move anywhere successfully. Bryan stopped him, smoothing his hair back, and I touched his cheek.

"You did nothing wrong, sweetie. It's not your fault at all. None of us blame you," I soothed him, and he sniffled up at me pitifully.

I wiped a tear from his eye with my thumb, and leaned down to kiss his forehead. I brushed my thumb over his eyebrow, and Tom knocked on the doorjamb.

"Come in," Bryan said, looking at Eli still.

Tom gave Bryan the cup of water, and smiled at Eli.

"Hey, sweetheart, how're you feeling?" He crooned, leaning down to kiss Eli's cheek very gently.

"Better, but not great. Really, nowhere near good," Eli rasped, grasping for Bryan's water.

Though he wasn't sure if he was supposed to, Bryan let Eli sip from it just because he couldn't deny him anything.

Scarlett was in between contractions when we peeked in. Alaska was nursing a bruised hand from Scarlett squeezing too hard and simultaneously pushing it into something hard. We didn't stay long because Scarlett starting moaning in pain, so that's when we made our leave.

We changed out of our tuxedos, and into comfy shorts and T-shirts—sticking to the blue, black, and white theme. We both had matching black cloth athletic shorts and royal blue T-shirts. Knowing we would be on a plane, we chose comfortable clothes to relax in.

Tom didn't ask where we were going, letting me keep that secret to myself even when we were boarding our plane.


	9. Music

Tom's eyes were wide as we walked through the airport in Nashville, Tennessee. It was around dinner time, considering the time change, but I needed to get us to the hotel first. Tom held my hand in the rental car, occasionally bringing it up to press kisses across my knuckles. He nuzzled against my closed hand, and I opened my palm. I cupped my hand around his cheek, and he leaned into it. I smiled, and he kissed my palm. He started in on my fingers, pulling the tips into his mouth one at a time. I shivered, and he giggled around my fingertip. When I parked the car in the parking garage across the street from our hotel, I pulled my hand away from him and kissed him softly.

We took the elevator to the fourth floor of the parking garage with all of our luggage, and walked across The Bridge. It was a bar/lounge/restaurant on a bridge over the street running between the two buildings. We took the two escalators downstairs to the main floor and I checked in. Our room wasn't spectacular like a honeymoon suite or anything, but it didn't matter to us. It was in a very nice, upscale Renaissance hotel, and it was enough for us. After we had our room keys, we took the elevator to our floor.

Tom looked out the floor to ceiling window in the elevator that faced the city outside, and I stroked his hair. He looked up at me, smiling, and leaned up to kiss me. By the time we started to add a little tongue to our kiss, the doors opened. We jumped back, gathering our luggage and practically sprinted down the hallway to our room. At the door to our room, I sat my bags down, and unlocked the door. Tom started to step into the room, but I caught his arm. I took his bags from him and sat them down as well.

I placed one arm behind his back and the other knocked his knees out from under him. He laughed as I brought him into my arms, cradling him to my chest, and locked his arms around my neck. He kissed my cheek as I stepped into our room, and I molded our mouths together in a soft, loving kiss. I set Tom down after our kiss ended, and we brought our bags inside. We put them in spots that fit them, and put some things up before we got comfy for the night. Tom was bent over, getting his laptop out of his backpack to charge it on the desk, and I came up behind him to push my hands up under his T-shirt. He laughed, pulling his laptop out of his bag, and turned around to kiss me.

I took his laptop, sitting it on the desk, all without breaking our lip lock. Our kisses didn't become heated or rough, but we took time to move away from the desk and rid ourselves of our clothes. Tom's head lolled back as I kissed and licked my way up his now naked torso. He ran his fingers back through my hair, and gasped as I wrapped my lips around one of his nipples. We decided to try new things on our honeymoon. New positions to make love in, new lubes and condoms, and even the trivial things like foods and drinks. This was a new phase of our lives together, and we were going to make it the best and most special.

Tom climbed up into the bed, now completely naked, and lay back against the pillows. I grinned, going into the bathroom to get the stuff we needed, but couldn't find condoms.

"Tommy," I called out into the room.

"Ye-e-e-e-s?" Tom called back, his singsong voice making me smile.

"Did you bring any condoms? 'Cause I can't find any in my toiletry kit."

I heard feet hit the floor, and Tom padded into the bathroom. He was so adorable sometimes. His face creased with confusion, he dug through his toiletry bag. He threw his hand down on the counter, the skin making a loud slapping sound against the porcelain with the contact.

"Fuck," he cursed, and looked up at me.

He was honestly scared. I could see this in his face, his grey eyes wide and prompting.

"What are we gonna do? Are we willing to bareback?" he asked, his voice rising now as he got more and more lost.

"Sweetheart," I said, cradling his face in my hands. "Please, calm down."

He nodded, and took a deep breath. "Okay. I'm calm, I promise."

"Alright. We won't do anything that you don't want to. You know that."

He nodded again, and reached forward to touch my waist.

"I think," he murmured, pulling me closer. "That I want to try with you."

I smiled, leaning down, and kissed him softly. We kissed our way into the room. As he crawled onto the bed, I followed him and laid the lube next to him on the bed. His head was cushioned on the pillows, and he was so relaxed beneath me. We kissed, our bodies pressing together with need. I pulled away then only to grab the lube. Tom watched me, his chest moving with fast breaths, and held onto my shoulders. He tried so hard not to moan or push his hip towards me when I pressed my fingers, now wet with lube, into him.

"Don't try to be quiet, baby. Tell me how good it feels. This is our night," I told him, kissing his jaw.

He nodded, arching his back as I pressed my fingers against his prostate, and moaned. That noise was something I loved so much.

"Danny," he moaned, pulling me close. "I need you."

I smiled, smoothing his hair back. It had been mussed from its gelled back state as the wedding and reception had progressed. I slicked myself with lube, and hovered over my new husband. He looked up at me, his eyes trusting and adoring, and helped me enter him. His mouth fell open in a silent gasp as I seated myself in him. I settled on my forearms, our chests pressed together, and we began the dance that would bring us closer than ever before.

_**-o-**_

I was up before Tom the next morning. He snoozed peacefully on his belly, his arms crooked around his head on his pillow. I was sitting up in bed, watching the news with the volume down very low. The sheets rode low on my hips, almost too low to even pass as covering anything. Tom shifted in his sleep, sniffing and burying his face deeper into his pillows and the crook of his arms. I reached over to stroke his hair. It was clean from the shower we took together at about four in the morning after making love until we were practically weak at the knees. I noticed that his hair was wispy as if it was starting to curl at the ends. Tom took a deep breath, his eyes squeezing closed before blinking open. He peered up at me with bleary, sleepy eyes. I smiled, stroking his hair off his forehead, and then rubbed his back. He stretched, smiling, and nuzzled his face into his pillow again. I leaned down, kissing his shoulder, and stroked his hair again.

"Good morning," I crooned, leaning down for a kiss.

He craned his neck back and gave me the kiss I so wanted. He smiled drowsily at me, and settled back down. My fingers danced down his back, disappearing underneath the sheet at the small of his back. He smiled wider, giggling into his pillow, but arched into my touch as my hand cupped his bottom. He snuggled closer to me, kissing my hipbone since that's all he could reach at the moment. I smoothed his hair down, stroking the beginning curls.

"Your hair is starting to curl," I told him, his wispy hair sticking up in every direction.

"Jasper's hair started to curl at this age. Our dad had slightly curly hair," he said, looking up at me with brighter, clearer eyes.

"I love it. It's adorable." I leaned down, kissing his head.

He smiled, his lips pursing against any skin he could reach. "Thanks."

I slid down in the bed, pulling my new husband into my arms and against my chest. He nuzzled up to me, his arms going around my neck as best he could, and kissed me. His fingers tangled in my hair, tugging and making my morning arousal spike.

"Mmmm, you're eager this morning, aren't you?" He purred, and I smiled.

"I am, and how," I said, my hand venturing from his waist. "About you?"

He jumped when my fingers wrapped around his hardening sex. But he smiled, his forehead pressing to mine, and brushed his lips over mine. I leaned into the kiss, wanting more, but he decided to tease me. He leaned away, smirking at me, and I rolled over to pin him underneath me. He stretched his arms out his fingers spreading as well, and I eyed his rings. Two rings on his third left-hand finger. He smiled, bringing his hand up to spread his fingers on my shoulder. I took his hand in mine, and kissed his rings. He grinned, and I left a soft but firm kiss on his cheek. I made love to my husband again, nothing between us, and we let ourselves feel more than we ever did before. When we were sated and cuddly, we made ourselves get up and shower and get dressed. We went downstairs to the restaurant for breakfast.

For the week we were in Nashville, we went out to sight-see. It was exciting and fun and it seemed as if this was another life we were living. We promised each other that we'd have more adventures, travel more and more since that's what we both wanted to do. We came back to the hotel on our last day, having had a great day and a delicious early dinner at a local steak and spaghetti restaurant, and my cell phone rang.

"Hello?" I said, smiling and kissing Tom's cheekbone.

He smiled, his little nose scrunching up against my kiss.

"Danny? I know you're obviously a little busy, but I really need to talk to you."

I smoothed my hand over Tom's hair, moving to settle in the desk chair. Tom sat on the bed and pulled my feet into his lap, ridding me of my sneakers and socks. He started rubbing my feet, his skilled fingers pressing on just the right spot to make me lay my head back and sigh.

"Alright, Zay, I'm listening," I said, holding the phone closer to my ear.

He was quiet for a moment, and I could barely even hear him breathing.

"Xavier," I said, looking at the ceiling. "Talk to me, sweetheart."

He sniffled, and I sat up. Tom looked at me, his hands moving up to my shins as he leant forward.

"Mom and Dad…" Xavier started, his voice congested and wavering. "Are getting a divorce."

My mouth fell open, and I felt my breath leave me in a weak gasp. "What?"

"I just got home with Sam from talking with everyone at the house. We didn't want to tell you until you got home, but I really needed someone to talk to and you know I always come to you. I'm sorry I probably just ruined your honeymoon, and I apologize again for doing this to you. I just—I just needed to tell you. I didn't like the thought of you being away and not knowing what was happening at home. And—I'm so sorry, Danny."

Xavier was crying now, his broken, hurting sobs coming through the phone to make me freeze and just stare at Tom. I heard Sam on the other line, trying to comfort my baby brother's wails.

"Baby, I have to go. I love you. Call me if you need me."

I hung up without waiting for him to say anything, and sat my phone on the desk. I pulled my feet from Tom's lap, standing up. I took off the watch Sam gave me for my birthday, sitting it on desk, and laid my necklace on the desk as well.

"I need to take a shower," I told Tom, moving around the bed and into the bathroom. My hands started to shake as I pulled off my shirt, and my lower lip started to quiver as I unbuttoned and unzipped my shorts. But I didn't fall apart until I was in the shower, the water hitting my skin hard enough in the same spot to make it redden.

"Danny? Danny, baby, what's wrong? What did Xavier say?"

Tom didn't come into the bathroom since I'd locked the door, but he still called for me to talk to him. I cried and cried, slamming my hand into and pressing my forehead against the wall. Tom quieted, and I figured he'd gone back into the room. When I finally got out of the shower, my face was flushed and tear-streaked. I avoided looking in the mirror. With my towel around my hips, I opened the door. Tom was curled up against the wall next to the door, and he looked up at me when I came out. I looked at him, but kept walking into the room. He scrambled to his feet, following me.

"Danny?"

I felt my lip start to quiver again, but I made myself get dressed. By the time I was dressed, I was falling apart again. I sank down onto the bed, feeling as if my life had just been completed and now it was being ruined again.

"Sweetie," Tom whispered, sitting down next to me and pulling me down to hug me.

I sobbed into my new husband's chest, emotionally crushed. Our family was so odd sometimes. We cried when there was bad news. Always. There was never any other way.

Tom stroked my hair, leaving soft, comforting kisses on my head, and he buried his face in my hair. I picked my head up, looking at him with teary eyes. He smoothed my hair back away from my face, wiping my cheeks off.

"What's the matter?" He asked me, his voice a soothing, coaxing whisper.

"My parents are getting a divorce," I told him around my tears.

His face changed completely in a second. "Oh my God. Danny, I'm so sorry." He stood up, and paced over to the window. "What—why did they decide to tell you _now_? We're on our honeymoon."

"Don't blame Xavier. He needed someone to talk to. He didn't want to tell me, but he had to," I defended, and Tom stopped, looking at me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be angry. This is about you," he said, coming to sit in the desk chair across from me.

"I don't want this to be about me," I muttered, pushing tears out of my eyes.

Tom took my hands in his, linking our fingers.

"I love you," he murmured, reaching forward to stroke a few curls off my face.

I smiled, touching his hand on my face. "I love you too."

We packed for our next departure in the morning, and snuggled together for the night. My parents forgotten, we shared a pillow and warm blankets in our comfortable bed.


	10. Fireworks

I lay back on a blanket, looking up at my beautiful husband. He looked around the grounds, taking in all the people and commotion. He was sweaty, the back of his smoky blue T-shirt soaked through, but he was in the nation's capitol and he couldn't have been happier. Washington D.C. had been high on his list of places to visit. Being an Army vet, he wanted so badly to see the place that controlled the great country he lived in. We sat facing the Washington Monument and our backs to the Capitol. It was almost surreal to be in the city that all our governmental powers originated from. Fourth of July in Washington D.C. was amazing, with all the museums and the general happiness from our independence.

We wore our matching Old Navy Fourth of July T-shirts, except that mine was red. Tom sat with his legs crossed, and his shorts left a gap between them and his skin. I smoothed my fingers over the tan, sweaty skin, feeling the wetness, and he looked back at me. He smiled—his cheeks, though already flushed, turned an even brighter shade of scarlet. We'd just eaten our peanut butter and banana sandwiches we made, having bought the things needed, and brought with us for dinner. Tom picked up his cup, a Styrofoam Chick-fil-A cup from our lunch earlier today, and took a sip. He sat it back down, unconsciously shifting closer to me, and I shifted to lean on my elbows.

"What's on your mind?" I asked him, tugging on his T-shirt.

He looked down at me, and shrugged. "I'm just a little bored. I've become very impatient since I got out of the Army."

I smiled, sitting up. With my right leg bent at the knee and my left hand behind Tom for me to lean on, I scooted closer and nuzzled against the side of Tom's face and neck.

"It's because you're letting yourself _be gay._ Come on, sweetheart, you need to be yourself. Fuck everyone else, I want you to be happy," I told him, my voice dropping low for only him to hear.

He smiled, ducking his head, but then looked up at me. "I'd like that. You know what? Yeah, I will let myself "be gay." Fuck anyone who doesn't like it, I'm gonna be happy."

I grinned, and he laughed. That was one of my favorite sounds. But as the sky darkened, and the people started settling down, I pulled Tom in between my legs, and leaned back on my hands. He rested back against my chest, completely relaxed even with all the people around. As the first firework reached the sky, exploding with a pop of color behind the Washington Monument, Tom shivered. It was probably in the high eighties outside, so he couldn't have been cold. I balanced my weight on one hand, using the other to get Tom's attention. Fireworks shot up everywhere, the sky a dark canvas being painted with streams and dots of color. Tom looked up at me, and he smiled tightly.

"I'm fine," he told me. "I promise."

I brushed my thumb over his cheek, touching my lips to his forehead, and let him go back to watching the fireworks. Though my eyes were pulled to the exploding lights occasionally, they almost never left my mesmerized husband. He was like a little kid again, seeing fireworks for the first time even though we watch them every Fourth of July from wherever they're shooting them off at. I pressed my lips to Tom's forehead, nuzzling against his face. I continued to kiss his forehead, loving on him while he watched the fireworks. The fireworks lasted for about an hour. The metro would be so crowded, but there was no way to get a taxi. Tom and I waited for a yellow train to come, just talking since there was nothing else to do. We finally got a train at around eleven thirty, and settled in for the ride.

When we finally got back to our hotel, we were both so tired we didn't even care to take a shower. I stripped down to my boxers—they had turtles on them—and lay down in the bed. We were sweaty and exhausted, but we just wanted to sleep. Apparently Tom was a little less exhausted than I was because he came running into the room, launching himself onto the bed with me. I laughed as he bounced us before we settled and he pecked me a kiss. He settled on his belly and elbows, his legs up in the air, crossing and uncrossing his ankles. He was wearing a kind of big pink T-shirt with some very tight, low-rise royal blue trunks. I raised my eyebrows, wondering what happened to the man I married.

"What are you wearing?" I asked him, thoroughly enjoying his new outfit.

He pushed himself up onto his knees, laughing as I took him in. His pink T-shirt read: 'Wanna Make Out?' in big black letters. His blue trunks were very tight and very sexy. I loved them immediately.

"Where did you get the T-shirt?" I asked, sitting up in bed.

"Victoria's Secret," he said, blushing.

"And when did you go there?" I wondered aloud, crossing my arms over my chest.

"My bachelor party. Scarlett and Alaska were recruited for my girly stuff. That's why Alaska wasn't with you. Rebecca left Mel with Saul and came too. The other guys were too chicken to go inside, accept Jasper who actually bought something for Annabelle."

"And you fit?"

"Yep. I was just as shocked."

"What else did you get on your little shopping spree?" I was actually enjoying this braver, more playful side of Tom.

He grinned. "I can't tell you. I'm supposed to show you something new every night after this. We decided to ease you into everything; didn't want you to die of shock since I've never been this adventurous with clothing before."

"Well, thank God for that. I think I almost did die of shock," I teased, but leaned forward to pull him onto my lap.

With one of my hands on his hip, the other on his waist, his shirt bunched up over his new underwear. The waistband read 'Jockey' multiple times around. The blue contrasted against his beautiful tan skin and the pink was shocking against both. He looked so hot.

"I need you…" he purred, smoothing his hands back over my hair to cradle the back of my head. "…inside of me."

I groaned, pressing him closer, and he smiled, knowing he got me with that one sentence.

We had some of the hottest sex we'd ever had by just leaving Tom's T-shirt on. Once we were sated, somewhat cleaned up, and comfy in our bed, Tom curled up and sighed, his entire body relaxing. He was always so sweet and loveable after we made love. Tom's breathing was slowing and evening out. He blinked sleepily up at me, smiling. I smiled back, kissing his forehead, and sat up halfway. I tugged his T-shirt off, tossing it onto the floor with the rest of our clothes. When I settled back down, he snuggled up to me, and I ran my hand down his side. I had a little bit of a fetish for his bottom, thighs, and hips. There was just something about those specific body parts that appealed to me. I knew Xavier shared those appeals, constantly trying to be discreet by running his hands over his boyfriend's lower half. Tom slid his leg over my hip, pressing me a little closer, and I slipped my leg in between his. We entangled ourselves to better fall asleep so close to each other. Though we slept just fine on our sides of the bed, we slept even better sharing a pillow and body heat.

_**-o-**_

Tom definitely had eased me in that night. I was never expecting what came the nights after that. Tight, patterned trunks and an oversized sweatshirt greeted me when I came back from getting ice the next night. The night after that, a dark grey string bikini that made my breath catch at first sight and big, white T-shirt with 'Let's Get Naked' printed in big black letters on the front. But the most shocking was a thong on the last night we were in D.C. I didn't think he had it in him, but by God he did. He was lying on his belly on the bed, flipping through a magazine. He was in nothing but his new underwear, and that was what shocked the hell out of me when I came out of the bathroom. I stood, staring, and could feel myself get harder by the second. My hair fell in my face in damp auburn curls, but I didn't care.

"Have a good shower?" Tom asked me, his voice casual and easy.

I groaned. He wanted to play that game. I pressed a knee into the bed, leaning down to slide my hands between his legs. Pressing against the insides of his thighs, I spread his legs apart, and brought my other leg up to put my knee in between his legs. He would learn not to tease me.

_**-o-**_

After a few days in Washington D.C., we set off for Gulf Shores, Alabama. I had gotten tickets to a Jimmy Buffett concert on July eleventh, knowing Tom had fond memories of his family occasionally traveling to Gulf Shores listening to Jimmy Buffett and The Beach Boys the entire way. He had a soft spot for any music with a steel drum in it. Though, he was kind of particular when it came to his music. We had a beach-side hotel with a gorgeous view of the ocean. I know we have a view of the ocean at home, but this was the Gulf of Mexico; which was ten times better than the Atlantic Ocean in our opinion.

Late at night on our second day here, we snuck down to the beach with a blanket and some lube to make love under the moon on the beach. It was easily some of the best love we've ever made. We were definitely doing different things on this trip. It was amazing how much closer we've gotten. The receptionist smiled at us as we trekked back through the lobby, slightly sandy, giddy, with our arms around each other. She knew exactly what we'd been doing, and that didn't bother either of us. We just smiled back, continuing to walk, and kissed each other once she went back to her computer.

"That was amazing," Tom gushed when we were in our room, stripping for a shower.

"It was. God, we need to do that again sometime," I said, smoothing my hand over the side of Tom's face and kissing him softly.

"Definitely," he whispered, kissing me back.

We set my iPod on the counter in the bathroom, blaring music out of the tiny speakers, and had a little bit of foreplay in the shower. Tom was so much more eager for sex. It's not like I forced him to have sex before, but he was braver in initiating sex. He was more playful and coy with me, and it made our sex life that much better. He was definitely more adventurous when we were in public—giving me little, tender kisses even in big crowds, holding my hand almost everywhere we go, showing non-homophobic and/or kind people our rings and spinning the tale of our wedding to complete strangers. I felt as if this one trip away from home and everything we were used to changed Tom in a great way. We'd have to wait and see if he stayed this way when we got home.

Once I got one sip of a margarita into my husband at the concert, he was having the time of his life. I was content to just watch him have his fun, but he wanted me to have fun with him. He had two margaritas but he was still coherent and stable as we made our way back. It was great, the music was fantastic, and Tom exhausted himself with all the fun he had. He showered half asleep when we got back to the hotel, and I put him to bed before I took my shower. He was out by the time I came back into the room. He was stretched out on his belly, dozing peacefully, and he didn't even move as I searched for some underwear. He wore only a pair of old grey trunks, his smooth, tan back contrasting with the white sheets.

He woke up a little when I settled in the bed with him, but he just curled up closer to me and went back to sleep. He was so adorable when he slept, and I forced myself to stay up a little longer to watch him sleep.

_**-o-**_

I stood in Scarlett and Alaska's living room, holding one of their twins. They had Owen and Jocelyn a few hours after we left for our honeymoon. Owen had the fullest lips I'd ever seen since my youngest brother had been born. I smiled when Owen yawned up at me, and I pulled his blanket a little ways away from his face. I looked up when I heard soft voices across the room, and Tom smiled at me, giving me a little wave. I grinned, stepping around the coffee table, and walked over to Tom who was sitting in an armchair. I sat on the ottoman, facing my husband, and he leaned forward to see Owen. He smiled, brushing his thumb over Owen's forehead, and looked at me. Owen started to fuss, his little cries waking Scarlett up.

"Go back to sleep, babe," Alaska murmured, kissing her girlfriend's forehead.

Scarlett nodded—her curly red hair messy and tangled. Alaska smoothed her hair down, and Scarlett lowered her head back onto the pillow on the couch. Alaska fixed her blanket, and came over to get Owen. I gave him over, and shifted to sit in the chair with Tom in my lap. Bryan and Eli sat on the loveseat, Jocelyn asleep in Eli's arms. Bryan's arm was around Eli, and he kissed his forehead. Eli was still recovering a little; Bryan was keeping him off his feet and relaxing.

Tom reached up with a hand and smoothed it over my hair, the auburn curls then springing back into shape once his hand passed over them. He pressed his forehead to the side of my face, his lips touching my cheek gently.

"I heard your parents were getting a divorce, Danny."

We all looked at Alaska, who was feeding Owen as bottle, and I knew my face betrayed my pain.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just—"

I shook my head, and she quieted. "It doesn't matter. My parents were never happy. They never got along, or saw eye-to-eye."

Tom cupped his hand around my cheek, brushing his thumb over my cheekbone, and kissed my temple.

"Honey," he whispered, nuzzling against my neck. "Don't talk about it if you don't want to. I don't want you to upset yourself."

I nodded, and he turned my head around to kiss me. I held my husband closer, holding his left hand to feel his rings. Jocelyn was awake, and Eli seemed to be in heaven with her in his arms. The front door opened, and we all looked towards the foyer. Calix peeked in, and we all relaxed.

"You scared the shit out of us. I thought we were about to be robbed," Alaska said, smacking him when he and Simon came into the living room.

"Sorry. We figured someone would be asleep and the front door was open," Calix defended, rubbing his arm. "Damn it, Alaska. That hurt."

He and Simon settled on the floor by the TV and Tom and I, Simon in between Calix's legs. Eli gave Jocelyn to Scarlett who was now awake, and snuggled up to his partner. Bryan's arm stretched out on the back of the couch, and Eli cuddled himself against Bryan's side, his head settling on Bryan's shoulder.

"I bet you two have been doing a lot of that lately," I said, smiling.

"Oh yeah," Bryan replied. "He doesn't want to do anything else."

Eli smiled, giggling, and Bryan laughed along with him. Eli lifted his head, and Bryan pressed their foreheads together. They looked at each other for a moment before their lips molded together in a tender kiss. Tom nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, sighing and relaxing against me. Scarlett bounced Jocelyn, smiling at her and making her smile back.


	11. After

"I think we should move back to Roswell."

Tom looked up, and his eyebrows creased. "Why's that? Is something wrong?"

"Not that I know of, but I just think we should live nearer our families. Xavier really needs me. He's falling apart and Sam is very worried about him."

"I feel like our relationship has turned into a love triangle. Not that I don't love Xavier, but he's always a part of your decisions and every other sentence is about him. We just got married, Danny. I need you to be here with me. You are _my_ husband." Tom knew he was crossing a line, but he couldn't take it back now.

"I'm not giving up my brother because you feel that I neglect you to be there for him. He has been the most important person in my life since the day he was born. I love you, I really do, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but you have to understand that both of you are equal to me. I love both of you equally. No one comes before either of you. I can't put either of you before the other because then I would feel that I _was_ neglecting one of you. I know it's hard to share me, but you just have to understand where I'm coming from. He's not like my other brothers and sisters, he's part of me because we're both gay. I have a stronger bond with him than any of my siblings. He's always been important to me, and when you came into my life, you ranked up there with him in my heart. I don't mean to hurt you by talking about him, and making decisions around him because that's just what I've done since he was born. I planned dates with guys around him in high school. I'm sorry, baby, I really am. That's just one habit I can't break."

Tom stared at me, his eyes wide, and reached for my hand. "I didn't mean to upset you. I apologize. I'm just stressed out for you. I know you're going through your parents' divorce, and I didn't mean to sound selfish."

I smoothed his down, and kissed his forehead. He'd learned to let me dote on him even when I was upset or sick because that's how I made myself feel better. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm very protective of my baby brother."

"I know you are. I knew that when I came into this. I love that you're that protective of him. It reminds me of my brother. Let's move on from that and talk more about this move," Tom suggested, linking our fingers together.

"Well, I wanted to tell you sooner, but I got a job in Roswell. It's very well paying, and I'm really excited about it. I think this will work out great. I've been saving a little each week since about January and I think I have enough for us to get a small house at least," I told him, touching his cheek.

"Hmm, well if we have the money, then I'd be stupid not to say yes." He smiled, blushing a little, and I laughed.

"You would be very stupid, but lucky for us you are never stupid," I purred, wrapping my arms around his neck and ducking my head to kiss him.

We stayed in an empty house of our friends while we waited for our house to sell. It was taking a while, so our friends let us move into their house that they no longer used since they lived in an apartment in Atlanta. We'd been lucky they hadn't sold the house yet and we'd been able to move in while our house stayed on the market. Tom was leaning more towards getting an apartment since he liked the close quarters with just two of us. I liked the idea of a studio apartment without rooms so we could get the room dividers that I always thought were interesting.

_**-o-**_

Tom was curled up on the couch, one of my sweatshirts swallowing him up, and he looked increasingly drowsy. We'd been watching _Up in the Air_, but I was making coffee for us in the best kitchen I'd ever had in one of my homes. The phone rang and I jumped for it before Tom could even move. He'd been feeling sluggish and tired since this morning so I wanted him to relax. I held the phone between my ear and shoulder as I scooped coffee into the machine. We were only half unpacked but getting there.

"Hello?" I said, closing the coffee machine and getting the pot to fill up.

"Danny? You need to come to the hospital. Sam's been in an accident." My little brother sound very upset and weepy.

I dropped the coffee pot into the sink, making Tom jump to his feet. "What? What happened?"

"He was in a car crash. A Ford truck clipped the back of his car. Sam slammed into two other cars before he stopped. He's got a dislocated shoulder, a couple fractured ribs, and a concussion. The doctor said he was very lucky." Xavier burst into tears now, and I heard my family try to comfort him before the line went dead.

"Tom, get your shoes, we're going to the hospital," I called, and he scampered after me to the front door.

He didn't ask what was wrong until we were in my car. He was putting his Sperry's on, and looking at me. He was still in his athletic shorts and my sweatshirt but I didn't look much better in my soft jean capris and wrinkled v-neck T-shirt. We practically threw ourselves through the emergency room doors and found my family sitting in the waiting room. Xavier bolted from his chair, burrowing himself in my arms. He sobbed into my chest, his nails digging into my back. We waited for almost an hour before a doctor came out. He said for Sam's immediate family only to come back. We could all see the pain on Xavier's face when he heard this.

"I don't think so," Sam's older sister, Lindsey, said, looking at Xavier. "He deserves to see him first. If he can't come with us, then we're not going back either."

The doctor looked at Sam's mom, Lori, and she looked a little uneasy at first but backed up her daughter.

"Well I need to go over some things with all of you. I suppose he could come as well."

Lindsey took Xavier's hand and he stood on shaky legs to follow. I watched as they disappeared through the doors and Lindsey put her arm around my brother's shoulders.

_**-o-**_

_Xavier_

Lindsey kept me under her arm as we walked to Sam's room. The doctor talked to Sam's mom the entire time, but all I focused on was that I was going to see my boyfriend. When the doctor opened the door, Lindsey and his mom both looked at me for me to go first. I wiped my hand under my nose, and then on my shorts. I walked in the room, and Sam smiled drowsily at me.

"Hey," he said, his smile so genuine but sleepy.

"Hi," I whispered. "How do you feel?" I moved almost automatically over to his bed, bringing one of the chairs as close to the bed as it would go and sitting down.

"Sore, but nothing I can't deal with. Come here, I need to kiss you."

I leaned forward, eagerly meeting his lips with my own. He cradled my face in his hands, his lips moving with mine. We tentatively pulled apart just as Lindsey, the doctor, and his mom came in. I curled up in the chair, holding Sam's hand, and let the doctor talk. Lindsey kissed her brother's forehead, making him smile and kiss her cheek back. I occasionally brought Sam's hand up for me to kiss his knuckles, and he would smile at me when I did. They finally let my family come back, and Sam never let go of my hand except to carefully hug someone.

"How's your knee?" I asked him, really worried about that.

"It's fine. I didn't hurt it," he told me, squeezing my hand. "My head, chest, and shoulder, on the other hand, are killing me."

A nurse came in to give him some morphine as the other pain medication wore off. As the medicine hit his blood stream though, he got a very odd look on his face. He kept wiping at his face, and he looked very hot. He looked at me for a moment, his eyes wide and anxious.

"I think I'm going to throw up."

Tom bolted, always having an ear out for anyone who was hurt or sick, and got a nurse. She came in with a small trashcan, and Sam forced out for me to get everyone out. I relayed this, and the few people who were left in the room—Tom, Danny, and my mom—left. Sam's mom and sister stayed since they were his immediate family and had seen him throw up more times than any of us could count. I sat back, feeling helpless and useless, and watched my boyfriend as he was sick. Lindsey came over, rubbing my arm and shoulder, and told me that just being there made Sam feel better. In fact, when Sam collapsed in his bed, shivering and crying, he reached for me and I was there. I kissed his forehead, stroking his hair off his forehead, and hushed his weak snuffles.

"I know, baby doll, I know. I'm so sorry," I crooned to him.

I could see Lindsey and Sam's mom smile at us out of the corner of my eye, but I was paying attention to Sam. He looked so pitiful, shivering in his bed. He pulled the sheet and blanket closer to him, hunkering down. I got Lindsey to get me a tissue, and wiped the tears off his cheeks. I wiped under his eyes, making sure to get every last tear, and then wiped his nose.

"I'll always be here to wipe your nose," I teased him lightly, and he chuckled miserably.

"Thank you. I'm sorry you have to see me do that," he mumbled, and I pressed the tissue to a new tear as it escaped.

"Don't apologize. You can't help it, sweetie pie. I don't care. I just want you to be okay. Do you think you're allergic to morphine?"

He nodded. "My mom is. I don't know why just now this happened. Oh, wait, no, I threw up when I was hit by that car a couple years ago."

His mom went to talk to a nurse and Sam told Lindsey she could go if she wanted.

"Alright, if I'm off the hook then I think I will split. I love you. Call me anytime if you need anything or just wanna talk. Phone's always on," she told Sam, kissing his forehead again. "You too, Xavier. You're like a brother to me, so don't be scared to call."

I nodded, and kissed her cheek as she kissed mine before she left. Tom, Danny, and my mom came in to say good-bye. Danny and Tom told Sam and me that we needed to come see their new house and that we were welcome to spend the night anytime. Danny pecked me a kiss before Tom took his hand and they left. My mom kissed our foreheads, told us to get some sleep, and left. She had always been succinct but never cheated on the TLC and motherly love. We were all alone for the night, so Sam scooted over and we snuggled up in the tiny bed to sleep.


	12. House

_Danny_

Tom stretched, his little body tensing before he wilted back onto the mattress of our bed. I smiled, running my hand down his bare back, and ran two fingers in between his trunks and his skin. He smiled, nuzzling his face into his pillow, and sighed heavily.

I leaned over him, kissing just behind his ear. "I love you," I purred.

"I love you too," he murmured, rolling over underneath me.

I kissed him, and slipped my hand underneath the small of his back to lift him up slightly to bring him closer. We broke apart when there was a knock on our front door. We both scowled, but got up. We padded downstairs in our underwear, and I opened the door. Xavier and Sam stood on our porch, and I gave them a dirty look.

"You better be glad we were awake or I would _so_ hurt you right now," I muttered, and let them in.

Tom went into the laundry room, and got a T-shirt for each of us out of the dryer. They were a warm, welcome layer. Tom started coffee while Xavier got Sam settled on the couch. He was looking better, his cuts and bruises healing, and his arm was feeling better. He kept a sling on it just to be sure he didn't injure it again. Being a dancer, he would do anything to fully heal any part of his body to get back to dancing faster. I pressed up against Tom from behind, my hands settling on his hips, and kissed his head. Xavier came into the kitchen, looking back at Sam, now watching TV, but then continuing towards Tom and me. He looked up at me, seeming kind of nervous.

"I need you to take me somewhere," he told me, his voice low and hushed.

"Okay. Where?" I asked, touching his waist.

His hand was shaking when he reached to push hair out of his face. "The hospital clinic," he said, nervously swaying side to side and biting his lip.

"Why?" I asked, worried now. "Are you sick?"

"I don't know yet," he whispered, looking away now.

"Does Sam know any of this?" I asked him.

He nodded. "Of course. He can't really be driving, so he knew I was going to ask you."

"Well, what does the hospital think is wrong?" Tom asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Xavier shrugged one shoulder. "I've been having flu symptoms for about a month, not feeling well, and when I went to a check up about a week or so ago one of my lymph nodes was enlarged. I had a biopsy done a few days ago and I just got a call that the results were in. I really need to go so you have to take me."

I nodded. "Okay, okay, we'll go. Let me just . . . find some shorts, and we'll go."

When I found shorts, my wallet, keys, and everything else, Xavier kissed Sam good-bye and I could hear Sam trying to give him a pep talk.

". . . Even if it's something bad, you know we'll get through it. Our families are strong and you know I'm always here for you. Why don't I go with you?"

"No," Xavier said. "You don't need something else to worry about. I just . . . want you well. If something's wrong with me, then it's not your problem to try and fix it."

Sam brushed his thumb over Xavier's cheekbone. "Baby, you're not going to be alone. Don't isolate yourself just because you might be sick. I won't let you pull away, because that won't help anyone."

Xavier nodded, kissing Sam's palm, and I could see his shoulders slump. He knew he was sick. Xavier started to cry before he could even stand up. I gave him and Sam a couple more minutes together, before Sam finally got Xavier to get up. Xavier had to get one last kiss from Sam before he could leave. He was very upset because he knew something was very wrong.

At the hospital, we were put in an office and waited for about twenty minutes, scared to death the entire time, before a doctor came in. She didn't look happy. She sat behind her desk, fixed Xavier's chart in front of her on the desk, and folded her hands on top of it.

"Xavier," she prompted, and he looked up at her. "You have lymphoma."

He didn't cry or try to say there was a mistake. He knew it was true, and he had no response. The doctor and I discussed treatments and all other information we needed to sort out. Xavier didn't talk to me the entire way home, but I knew it wasn't me. When we walked through the front door of mine and Tom's house, Xavier toed his shoes off and went to find Sam. Tom looked at me for an answer, but at first I just touched his head, stroking his hair.

"He has lymphoma," I finally whispered, feeling my eyes fill with tears. "My baby brother has cancer."

Before I could start crying, we both heard those familiar cries of pain and the need for comfort. I wiped the tears away, pulling the papers and things out of my back pocket, and walked into the kitchen. Tom followed, pushing tears out of his eyes. Xavier was clinging to Sam, sobbing long and hard into his chest, while Sam's tears leaked down his cheeks and soaked into Xavier's hair. Still sniffling and coughing out pitiful sobs, Xavier kissed Sam quickly, wiping tears off his cheeks.

"I don't want you to cry for me," he choked out, ruffling Sam's hair as he smoothed it back.

"I'm not crying for you," Sam whimpered, blinking hard against the tears. "I'm crying for me."

Xavier smiled miserably, but it was a smile, and Sam cupped his hand around his cheek.

"I love you so much," Xavier murmured, his arms going around Sam's neck.

"I love you too. So much," Sam said, pulling Xavier closer with his good arm, and kissed him softly. "I'm always here for you; don't ever doubt that."

_**-o-**_

It was hard to tell our family, but once Xavier did he felt a little bit better. He and Sam stayed with Tom and me because Xavier couldn't seem to go back to our mom's house. They had sold their apartment after they graduated and moved their things to storage. Sam worked hard for Xavier, their roles reversing quickly. Xavier didn't like Sam not wearing his sling or that he was doing almost everything for him. The morning before Xavier's first chemo treatment, Sam pulled out a wrapped box. It was small, but I knew what was inside it. Xavier pressed his mouth together in a crooked line saying 'You shouldn't have gotten me a present,' but opened it regardless.

"How much did you spend?" He asked just before ripping into the colorful paper.

"I'm not telling. Just please open it," Sam said, smiling like a little kid.

"Fine," Xavier said, grinning excitedly now and ripping into the paper.

When Xavier pulled out the Nook from the box, he gaped at Sam, but tackled him in a hug. They kissed, thanking each other gratefully, so Tom and I had to herd them to the car. We were all going, just so Xavier would have some moral support, but Sam was his "chemo buddy" as the doctor deemed it. Xavier liked the nickname.

We walked back into the chemotherapy clinic in the hospital, and Tom and I watched from the foot of Xavier's chair as the nurse started his IV and attached every kind of tube, bag of liquid, and syringe up to my baby brother. Xavier looked away, Sam talking to him soothingly, and cringed when anything else was attached.

"You might feel cold when the medicine hits your bloodstream, but that's normal. Just keep warm, and it'll be over before you know it," the nurse assured Xavier, and he nodded, grimacing.

He'd worn a T-shirt, but Sam had a sweatshirt at the ready. I kissed Xavier quickly, and Tom kissed his head before we made our leave to wait outside in the waiting room.

_**-o-**_

_Xavier_

Just after Tom and Danny left, I felt the chill of the medicine hit my bloodstream. I gasped, the cold shocking me, and Sam looked at me. He tugged my blanket closer around me, helping me into the zip-up sweatshirt he brought. I couldn't put the left arm on, so we just draped the sweatshirt over that shoulder. I could smell the sweatshirt and knew it was Sam's the minute it was on me. But that only soothed me a little. I could feel my breathing pick up, my heartbeat quicken, and looked at Sam. He smoothed my hair back, leaning in to kiss my forehead, and stroked my cheek.

"It's all right, sweet boy," he whispered, stroking my hair. "I'm here."

I nodded, swallowing. I avoided looking at my left arm, instead looking at my boyfriend. Sam pulled my new Nook out of my bag, and leaned closer to my chair. We searched through the 3G wireless bookstore, and bought a few books off of the gift card Danny bought for my Nook. Sam read to me, making me a bit sleepy, and completely distracted me. When I got bored with reading, we played with our phones. We giggled to ourselves, sneaking a few new pictures of us together as backgrounds for our phones. I was forgetting I was hooked up to a bag of freezing cold liquid that was killing the cancer cells inside me. I just wanted to forget for a moment and live normally. Sam was strong enough to do that for me.

I was left alone for a moment when Sam had to take a bathroom break, and I started to get a little freaked without my distraction there with me. An older, kind-looking African American nurse came by to unhook all of my things, and I must have looked a little scared because she touched my shoulder to get my attention.

"This is nothing to be scared of, child. Your strong, and I'm sure you'll get through this," she told me, patting my shoulder gently.

I nodded. "Thank you."

She nodded once, taped gauze to my injection site, and left me. I sat up, being careful with my left arm since I was told it would hurt and it was already a bit sore, and started to collect my stuff. I was cold, having worn sweatpants to the clinic, but I was still shivery. I tried to put my left arm through my sweatshirt, but gasped at the pain and stopped.

"Hey, hey, hey, let me help you," Sam said, rushing over to me, and helping me ease my arm into my sweatshirt.

I shivered, pulling my sweatshirt closer around me, and Sam got my bag. He wrapped his arm around me, kissing me gently before holding open the door for me. I'm sure none of us ever dreamed we'd be here now, but our families were good at adapting.


	13. Missing

I didn't want to be here at a charity event. But I had to be here. I had to keep up with the family name. Sam was with me, and Danny and Tom, so it wasn't too bad. I stole Sam's beer, giggling when he tried to steal it back, but took a sip. We got a reproving look from an old woman, but I just gave her a look back and went back to drinking my boyfriend's beer.

"Damn, that blog was right; chemo does make beer taste better," I said, and Sam almost snorted when he laughed. He was always so embarrassed when he snorted in public. I thought it was cute since his laugh was amazing.

Danny and Tom stood at the elevated bar table with us, and we pretty much ignored everyone else around us. I kissed Sam gently before excusing myself, and went to find the bathroom. As I was washing my hands, all alone in the bathroom, I shook my hair out of my face and noticed some hairs drift down to the sink. I furrowed my eyebrows, drying my hands, and ran a hand through my hair. I knew my hair might fall out, but I didn't think after two chemo treatments. Fine, blond hairs came off in my fingers, and I swallowed. I looked in the mirror, shaking my hand off, and pushed my hands through my hair. My mouth fell open when I found a clump of hair missing, my pale skin showing completely. I quickly pushed my hair back over it, darting into a stall, when the door opened.

"Xavier?"

I bit my lip, wringing my hands together. "What?"

"Are you alright, baby doll? I was getting worried," Sam said, his voice gentle and concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, self consciously touching my hair.

"Will you come out?"

"No," I said firmly.

"Why, sweetheart? Is something wrong? Will you let me in?"

"No. Go back to the table."

"I'm not leaving until you come out and show me you're okay."

I grimaced. He was so stubborn and so protective. I opened the door, stepping out, and my boyfriend smiled at me.

"Thank you," he crooned. "Now come here."

He pulled me into his arms, kissing my forehead, and I flinched away from him smoothing back my hair.

"You know I hate it when you lie to me," he told me, but his voice was light and teasing.

"Look," I muttered angrily, pulling away from him. I ran my fingers back through my hair, holding it back from my new bald spot.

He touched his fingers to his mouth, reaching then to smooth my hair away from the missing hair spot. He then cupped his hand around my cheek, and kissed my forehead again.

"I'm so sorry."

I had to hold back my upset and angry tears, but a single tear leaked down my cheek. Sam wiped it away, and I broke down. Sam held me as I cried into his shoulder. He rubbed my back, and when I leaned back, he wiped the tears off my cheeks and brushed his fingertips across my jaw.

"What if my hair grows back curly?" I asked through my tears, distressed and anxious.

Sam smiled a little, obviously trying to hide his amusement. "Then it will just be like your brother's gorgeous curly hair. I love curly hair. I think you would be so sexy with curly hair. If it does grow back curly, then it won't change my love for you. I will still love you, and I will probably love you even more after all of this is over."

I sniffled, and he helped me fix my hair over my bald spot, but I was still so aware of the missing hair as we walked back to the table. I anxiously fixed my button down shirt, brushing my hands over my chest in case any hair was on it.

"What's the matter?" Danny asked, pulling away from Tom once we came back.

I could see in Tom's face that he didn't want Danny to pull away. He wasn't done kissing his husband.

"Nothing," I lied, hoping Danny would take it and go back to Tom. He didn't, and I grimaced. _"Nothing is wrong."_

He grimaced back at me, knowing I was lying, but did what I wanted him to. He let Tom step back into his arms, and ran his hand through Tom's hair.

Once the charity event was over, I bolted for the doors. I'd been fidgeting since my bathroom excursion, and I was so done with all those people. Sam ran after me, pushing through people and still trying to catch me. He finally caught my arm, yanking me hard into his arms, and I buried my face in his shoulder. His sport coat was rough against my cheek, but I didn't care. My arms went under his, my hands gripping his shoulders hard. He kissed my head, smoothing his hand down my back.

"What's the matter?"

I wanted to turn and yell at my brother to leave me alone, but I didn't have the energy. I was exhausted, and wanted to go home and sleep. I wanted to snuggle with my boyfriend and text my friends or my other siblings and read a good book. I didn't want to explain that I was losing my hair and I was so freaked out about it.

"He's tired. We need to go," Sam said, his hand cupping around the back of my neck.

"Alright." I recognized this voice as Tom's, higher and softer than Danny's deep voice. "We'll go."

While Danny went to find our mom, Tom, Sam, and I walked to the car. Tom didn't pry like my siblings did, and for that I was very grateful. But once in the car, Tom starting it to cool it down, I told him everything. He looked back at me from the passenger seat, setting his mouth in a crooked, sympathetic line. I made him promise not to tell Danny, and he did. I could always count on Tom. When I couldn't go to my family about something, I went to Sam and Tom because they loved me but respected me enough to keep secrets.

At the house, I stalked upstairs with Sam close behind. He didn't try to ask what was wrong, but he did keep his eye on me as I jerked off my clothes and found pajamas. When I crawled into bed with my Nook and my phone, Sam got undressed for bed. He stretched his back, his muscles shifting under his slightly tan skin. He was beautiful, but he was comfortable with it. He didn't abuse it or neglect it; he flaunted it but didn't exhaust it. When Sam climbed into bed with me, he snuggled up to me, and I laid my head on his chest. He cradled my head in his hand, pulling me even closer to his side. He kissed my forehead, and then tilted my head back to properly kiss me. His lips were warm and soft—comforting—on mine. His hand ventured to my waist and then my thigh. He pulled my leg over to hook it around his hip, and I pressed my heel into his butt to push him closer. We decided to break it off since I was too tired, and curled up to sleep.

_**-o-**_

The next morning, I found small clumps of hair on my pillowcase, and decided I couldn't take it anymore. Sam stood outside the hall bathroom while I shaved my head. I ground my teeth against tears, continuing to watch chunks of hair fall into the sink. But I wasn't mad about it, I was upset. Once I was done, I avoided my reflection in the mirror. I opened the door, and Sam looked at me. He tried really hard not to gape, but I just looked away.

"Can I . . . touch?" He asked tentatively.

I nodded, and his soft, warm hands smoothed over my newly bald head. He breathed out through his mouth, almost amazed.

"It's so soft."

I blushed, smiling, and he laughed.

"It's amazing," he gushed. "And it's pretty damn sexy, might I add."

I laughed with him now, and kissed him. His hand cradled my head, and his other arm wrapped around my back. When we pulled away, Sam smoothed his hand back over my head, and left a kiss on the top of my head. Danny and Tom tried not to notice when we came downstairs. But Tom's curiosity got the better of him, and I let him run his hand over the peach fuzz. When he stood to get more coffee, he dropped a kiss on the top of my head, making me smile. Sam leaned over, kissing just behind my ear, and I caught his lips with mine.

But I wasn't so comfortable when I got ready to go to chemo. I found a toboggan, and tugged it on, my cheeks turning red as I walked outside. Sam carried my messenger bag, and I had my hands jammed into my sweatpants' pockets. Sam caught up with me, his hand touching to the small of my back, and kissed my cheek. I smiled, and leaned over for a real kiss. It didn't last long because we needed to get to the hospital. I wasn't sure if Sam was really ready to drive, it had only been a month or so since his accident. My birthday was approaching, but I didn't care. I didn't want to have a birthday. But Sam must have swallowed down his unease because he drove just fine. His dad—though he didn't seem to care much for Sam anymore—was buying him a new car since his dad was the one with all the money, but Sam didn't seem too eager to take a gift from his father.

At the hospital, Sam got me settled before disappearing to make a phone call. The same African American nurse that I saw at every treatment was hooking everything up while I texted Danny with one hand.

"Why are you wearing that hat, child? It's the middle of summer," she said, her voice fragile but firm.

I smiled, looking up at her. I dropped my phone in my lap, and tugged my hat off. She gasped softly, reaching with a worn out hand to touch my head.

"You lost all of your hair already? Just yesterday you had a full head of that gorgeous blond hair of yours."

I shook my head. "It started coming out last night. I shaved the rest of it off this morning. I couldn't stand to watch it come out in clumps. It was too stressful."

She nodded. "I understand, child. I've seen many people go through the stress of losing their hair. It's not an enjoyable process. Well, I'll leave you. I'll be back in a little to check on you."

I nodded, and she walked away. I was beginning to like her a lot. I started to get very cold and very aware that my hat was gone. But when Sam waltzed through those doors, grinning at me, I smiled tightly back and relaxed a bit. He sat down next to me, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

"I got us reservations at that tea room you like," he told me, leaning on his knees to get closer to me.

I smiled, my hand still gripping my hat. "You're too good to me."

Sam laughed, and touched my cheek. "I'll always be good to you because you deserve it."

I smiled again, but this time love was behind it. Sam always told me that I deserved everything that I wanted, and he told me that he'd try his hardest to give me everything I deserved. I didn't want to cry in front of Sam, especially with other people around, so I tried my hardest to keep it inside. Sam always knew when I was keeping something from him, but he didn't try to get me to spill. I just leaned as close to him as I could, he shifted the rest of the way towards me, and I laid my head on his shoulder. He leaned his head on top of mine, and his hand came up to cup my cheek. We were quiet for most of the time, just being together. It was a nice feeling. The clinic wasn't busy today, so it was calm all around us. Sam was very sweet and loving, constantly murmuring sweet nothings to me or pressing soft kisses to any part of me he could reach.

When the nurse was unhooking everything, I ground my teeth against the soreness in my arm, and Sam held my other hand. As I struggled into a sweatshirt and we walked out, I read a text from Danny. I sent him a text, telling him that we were going to lunch, and stuck my phone in the right side pocket of my sweatshirt. I pulled my toboggan back on just as we walked out the hospital's doors, ready to face the world with my hat and my boyfriend at my side.


	14. Connections

I sat on the bed in one of the guest bedrooms—mine and Sam's surrogate room. I was so exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. Someone knocked on the door downstairs, and someone went to get it. Voices conversed for a minute before footsteps hit the stairs and started upstairs. I couldn't see the stairs, but my door was open. My mom peeked into the room, and I smiled weakly.

"Hey," I whispered, so tired that I could barely make my voice work.

My mom smiled, but I could tell she was upset. "Hi, peanut, how are you feeling?"

"I'm exhausted and my left arm hurts like no other when I move it." I didn't want to upset her more by telling her how much pain I was in and how awful it was to be me, but she was my mother.

"How was your chemo treatment this week? I heard Sam took you to that tea room you like," she said, leaning against the doorjamb.

"It was fine. I love the nurse that's usually there; she's so nice. I couldn't eat much at the tea room because as soon as I saw food I wanted to throw up. I had some mint iced tea though; that was good."

Mom smiled. "I remember that being your favorite. You had that with that tuna salad on the puff pastry and a brownie with a thin layer of chocolate chip cookie dough on top for dessert. You loved for me to take you there."

I smiled too, loving that she remembered. I remembered perfectly.

"What did your doctors say?" She asked, bringing up the inevitable.

"They said that everything was great. I was doing better than any of them thought." As I started to say the taunting 'but', I choked up. It was all so real. My life was flashing before my eyes every day.

"But…there's still that slim chance that things don't work out," I said, tears welling up and threatening to spill over. I brought a deep breath in through my mouth, looking up at my mom in the doorway. "Momma, I'm scared."

My mom came over to the bed, sitting down, and I leaned into her. She held me, letting me cry. This was the first time I'd told anyone I was scared. Truth was: I was terrified. I had been so sure I was sick, but I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. My arm ached, and my head was starting to hurt, and I was hungry. I was exhausted to the point of being overly tired and being unable to fall asleep. I tried to calm down, sitting up, but I was unable to stop my pitifully weak snuffles. My mom rubbed my back, trying to soothe me at least some.

"Lie down, peanut. You need to rest. I don't want you getting all worked up," she murmured, pressing on my back to get me to move.

I carefully lay down, being ginger with my left arm, and let out a soft breath as I relaxed finally. My mom stroked my cheek with her thumb, leaning down to kiss my forehead. I was calming, and close to falling asleep.

"What do you think about my…hair?" I joked, my voice breathy and tired to even my ears.

My mom smoothed her hand over my head, her fingers brushing the peach fuzz, and she smiled.

"You're as beautiful as you were when you were born, or even when you had a full head of hair. No matter what, you're my child, and I will always think you are the most beautiful thing in the world. Don't ever doubt my love for you."

I sniffled, feeling more tears coming, but pushed them away. My face was warm, but I didn't care.

"I love you, Momma" I said, and it sounded more like a whimper than anything else.

She smiled, her fingers smoothing over my head again. "I love you too, peanut. I'll come back and check on you again soon."

I nodded, and she kissed my forehead again before standing and leaving. She closed the door behind her, bathing me and the room in complete darkness.

_**-o-**_

I padded downstairs, my arm tucked close to my side and stuck in my hoodie's front pocket. I instinctively reached up to fix my hair, but was met with nothing but soft peach fuzz on my head. I reached back, grabbing my hood, and jerked it up onto my head. When I got into the kitchen, I grabbed a bottle of blackberry lemonade and headed towards the family room. But I froze, looking down, when I found my brother and his husband curled up sideways on the couch with a blanket. They weren't doing anything but kissing, but I knew what they'd been doing previously. I tried to slip away without being noticed, but my back went rigid when I heard my name. Danny's voice was unmistakable, and that's what made me cringe.

"Sweetheart, come back. We have on underwear, and we were just lying together."

I was still uncomfortable. I stood in the kitchen, turning my bottle around in my hand, and debated whether or not I could look them in the eye.

I heard shifting, the thick blanket hitting the floor, and fabric rustling.

"I'll go upstairs and take my shower," I heard Tom whisper. A soft smack of lips told me he'd kissed my brother.

"Don't go," Danny whined, his voice soft and almost inaudible.

I imagined him grabbing Tom's waist, pulling him back onto his lap with a smile. I peeked around my hood, and I was right. I knew him too well. I finally turned around, deciding I loved seeing them together too much to go back upstairs. Tom was running his fingers through Danny's hair, pulling his head back towards the arm of the couch, and Danny's relaxed, blissful face made me bite my lip with the intimacy of it. Danny's eyes slid over to me, and his lips pulled up into an easy smile. I blushed, ducked my head so my hood blocked my face, and practically ran towards the loveseat. I studied my drink while Tom and Danny continued to show their love for each other, and wished my boyfriend was home. I'd released him to go to the dance studio and see some of our friends, but now I wished I hadn't. I wanted him to snuggle with me and tell me how much he loved me and kiss my cheek with the tenderness I saw my brother kiss his husband's cheek. I didn't realize I was crying until a nasty sounding sob made me break down.

Tom rolled off of Danny's lap just as he leapt to get my drink away from me and hold me. Tom capped my lemonade and I dug my nails into Danny's back. He pressed me too close, my left arm protesting the tightness, and I shoved away. He wouldn't let his hand leave my back, but sat away from me.

"What's the matter?" He asked me gently, pulling my hood off.

I was crying what my mother's southern belle friends would call an ugly cry. I was gasping out painful wails, and couldn't stop. I was practically snotting on myself and tears rolled down my cheeks, then disappearing down my neck into the collar of my T-shirt. I was probably going to hyperventilate soon with my broken breathing, but I was just so upset. Tom came running into the family room with a paper bag, and Danny took it from him. I shoved him away again, but his fingers twisted into the fabric of my sweatshirt, pulling me closer.

"Xavier," he said, his voice was stern but it was also concerned.

I was now pulling short breaths into my lungs, even closer to hyperventilating. Tom touched Danny's shoulder, and then stroked his hair for a moment. He took my brother's place next to me, and Danny kneeled in front of me.

"Xavier, baby, look at me," Tom coaxed, his voice even and calm.

I looked at him, my eyesight blurry with tears. He made me take deep breaths with him, and though they started out as quick and ragged they became slow and even like his. Danny rubbed my knee through my sweatpants, and I pressed my sweatshirt sleeve to my face. I wiped my face with the sleeve, and the fabric darkened where it got wet with my tears. The front door slammed, and I jumped. I looked towards the foyer, and Sam walked through, his dance bag over his shoulder. He dropped his bag, rushing over to me, and Tom and Danny moved away. I took my glasses off, but Sam's face was still in focus since we was close enough. Sam stroked his hand down the side of my face, turning my head towards him, and looked so worried. He smoothed his hand back over my head, pulling me into a hug.

"What's the matter, sweetie?" He asked, letting me lean back.

"I don't know," I whimpered. "I just saw Danny and Tom kissing and I missed you and wanted you home to tell me you loved me because I realized that it could have been the last time you got to tell me that and I just really wanted to see you and tell you I loved you and—"

Sam pressed his fingers to my lips, silencing me. "Shhh. Baby doll, everything's fine. I'm here, and I do love you. I love you so much—more than you could ever know. I will tell you that I love you with every breath I have left in my body. I promise this isn't the last time you will hear me tell you I love you." He stroked my cheek, soothing me. "I'm here, and I promise I won't leave you," he whispered.

_**-o-**_

Seeing me naked was the weirdest thing, to me at least, and I shied away from Sam anytime I was changing clothes or taking a shower. We hadn't made love since before Danny and Tom came home from their honeymoon. I missed the feeling of being so close to him, but I would give that up just so Sam didn't have to see me like that. I lost the hair on my arms, legs, and…other places. Many times when I took showers after my hair started to fall out on my head, I'd run my washcloth down my arm and hairs would come off on the terrycloth. I was almost completely smooth, except for my peach fuzz on my head. I had even taken special care of my hair like my doctor told me.

When Sam unzipped my sweatshirt, smoothing it off my shoulders, I pulled away as the material hit the floor. He bit his lip, reaching for me, but dropped his hand when I wouldn't let him touch me.

"Can I at least kiss you?" He pleaded, looking close to tears just because of me stepping away.

I reached for him, pulling him into my arms, and kissed him. He cupped the back of my head with his hand, coaxing my lips further apart as he tilted my head back. He pulled the hand from behind my head, smoothing it over my toboggan, and pulled my hat off. I almost tried to get it to put it back on, but let him drop it to the floor. Sam pulled away gently, his hand going to the hem of my T-shirt.

"No," I said quickly, pushing his hands away. "Please, don't do that to me. I can't stand for you to see me like this."

Sam cupped his hand around my cheek, his thumb tracing across my cheekbone. I couldn't stand to see the hurt in his eyes, so I pulled away and grabbed the hem of my T-shirt. I jerked it above my head, and while it dropped to the floor I shoved my sweatpants and trunks off. Sam stood, shocked into silence. I kicked my sweatpants away, and held my hands up level with my shoulders.

"This is me. I have _no_ hair on my body. I didn't want you to see me like this," I told him, and he looked me in the eye.

He pulled his T-shirt off, unbuttoning his jeans, and took his jeans and boxers off. He kept eye contact with me, and his hands went to my waist. He pulled me close, but let his hands explore across my belly, where I used to have a small happy trail but now there was nothing. He pulled me flush against him, our naked bodies touching and making me feel as if I was complete again just by being this close to him with no barriers.

"I love you the way you are. I don't care about you losing your hair. You're still so breathtaking," he whispered, brushing his knuckle across my cheek.

I finally gave into Sam, letting him lay me down on the bed and make love to me. After our last test before Danny and Tom's wedding, we ditched condoms for the first time ever and it was amazing. Having Sam that close to me was like nothing ever before and nothing could ever replace that feeling.


	15. Cold

The cold shocked me. I gasped, tugging my sweatshirt even closer. I wasn't outside—no, I was in a climate-controlled building—but the cold seeped into my veins, chilling me from the inside out. I pulled my hood up over my toboggan and hunkered down in my chair with my favorite blanket. The door opened and Sam came into the clinic. His hair was messy and he looked tired. He'd overslept and Tom had stayed home with him while Danny brought me to chemo. Tom came in behind him, and smiled at me.

"How are you feeling, baby?" Tom asked, kissing my head.

"Fine. Just...really cold," I breathed, looking up at my brother-in-law.

He smiled, trying to comfort me some, and smoothed his hand over my head.

Sam took Danny's place, smiling drowsily and leaning in to kiss me. I touched his cheek, and smoothed my hand over his soft hair.

"I'm so sorry I overslept," Sam apologized when we settled in, Danny and Tom waiting outside.

I smiled, laying my head over on the headrest to look at my boyfriend. "Its fine, sweetie. You needed to sleep in. You haven't been sleeping well and you've looked exhausted during the day. I want you to sleep too. It's not just about me getting enough sleep."

Sam smiled, his hand going into my hood to cup my cheek. "That's why I love you. Even in times like these you're worried about me and want me to be okay. And I love you even more because you are gorgeous and you have a fantastic personality and you are the sweetest person I have ever met."

I smiled weakly, touched by his little speech. He stroked his thumb under my eye, leaning in, and brushed his lips over mine. We didn't talk much after that, comfortable in the silence, and I read while he listened to music and wrote down dance routines. He was so adorable when he concentrated on anything to do with dance. The tip of his tongue peeked out of his mouth, and his eyes would follow the words on his paper and in the song as if he was watching someone dance to the music. I demoted my book, deciding Sam was more interesting to watch, and he never noticed.

When Sam went to get a snack, poor thing had skipped breakfast and lunch to get to me faster, two boys about mine and Sam's age came in. One was much shorter than the other with close-cropped honey blond hair and dark green eyes; he looked terrified. He kept his sweatshirt pulled tight around him, and his arms crossed over his chest. The taller boy, his very dark hair falling in short waves, touched the smaller boy's back. The nurse with them pointed them to the only open chair—next to me—and the taller boy pressed the smaller one closer. He fell forward only a step but when the dark-haired one linked their hands he seemed to relax. As they got settled, the smaller boy the reason they were here, Sam came back. He leaned down, pecking me a kiss, and then settled next to me.

It was pitiful to see the smaller boy so uncomfortable and scared. He constantly looked to his boyfriend for comfort, needing a kiss on the forehead or an 'I love you' from his chemo buddy. I decided to try and relax him a bit and talk to him.

"What's your name?" I asked him, and he jumped a little, looking over at me.

I smiled, pulling my hood off. I kept my hat on and my hood blocked where I would have had hair peeking out of my hat.

"Riley," he said, his voice soft and meek. "What's yours?"

"Xavier. This is my boyfriend, Sam."

Riley smiled a bit at us, but then looked back at his boyfriend. He smoothed Riley's hair down, and gave me a wide smile.

"I'm Robyn, his boyfriend. Looks like we've got something in common," Robyn joked, his voice deep and his brown eyes warm.

I laughed, feeling Sam's hand find mine. "Looks like it. What do you have, Riley?"

Riley eyed the evil looking machine next to mine, and then looked at me. "Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma."

"Me too. Did you just get diagnosed?"

"Yeah, this is my first chemo treatment. What about you?"

"This is my second set of treatments."

He nodded, and looked up at Robyn, who stroked his hair in response. He shook hairs off his hand, and made a face. Riley looked back at me then.

"Have you lost your hair yet?"

I reached up, pulling my hat off. "I started losing it about three weeks ago. It started with a big clump right here—" I touched a spot on the side of my head "—so I just shaved it all off. It was too stressful. Not to freak you out or anything, but you might lose the hair on your arms, legs, and pretty much everywhere else. It's not very fun, but it happens."

Robyn smiled crookedly, seeming almost sympathetic. "He's already losing the hair on his arms. It's definitely aggravating."

Riley looked at his lap while Robyn continued to stroke his hair, coming up with more and more hairs.

"Stop, you're making it come out faster," Riley said, his voice dejected and pleading.

Robyn jerked his hands away, putting them in between his knees. "Sorry, babe, I didn't mean to upset you."

Riley shook his head once. "You didn't upset me. I'm fine."

Robyn looked helpless, and reached for Riley's hand in an attempt to comfort him some.

"Sam?" Robyn asked, looking at my boyfriend. "How many times a day do you wish that it was you instead of him that was sick?"

Sam squeezed my hand, glancing at me as I waited for his answer. "Every second of every day. There's not a time that I don't wish that. I'd do anything to take his place."

Robyn nodded. "Good, I'm not the only one."

"No," Sam murmured, taking my hat from me and putting it back on me. "You're not alone."

I wrote pretty much all of my contact info—email and screen name included—on a piece of paper from Sam's notebook, and got Sam to give it to Riley. Riley thanked me, and shyly asked Sam for a piece of paper. Sam just smiled, ripped it out and gave it to him with a pen. Riley was left-handed, his penmanship close to perfect, and Robyn watched—seeming fascinated with the way he wrote.

"I'm right-handed," Robyn told us. "And I've always been interested in the way left-handed people wrote. Riley doesn't mind when I watch him write. He thinks it's cute."

Riley gave his paper and pen to Robyn and he gave them to me. I gave Sam his pen back, and the paper to fold and put in my bag.

"Jeez, I can't sit for more than thirty minutes without having to get up. I swear something's wrong with me," Sam complained when he had to get up to go to the bathroom.

I just laughed, giving him a kiss, and watched him disappear out the door. I dug my phone out when I got a text message, and flipped it open. I texted my brother, telling him to quit being impatient and talk to Tom, and saw out of the corner of my eye Robyn lean in to give Riley a kiss. Their lips molded together sweetly, and Riley melted into Robyn as his hand cupped Riley's jaw. When they pulled away, Robyn stroked Riley's jaw and made Riley bite his lip and blush. Robyn laughed, his lips finding Riley's again, and Riley ran his hand back through Robyn's hair.

I reached towards Sam when he came back, and he grinned, moving faster to come back to me. Our lips met as if we had been apart for years, but we were just in love and needed each other no matter what. Riley was so relieved when his nurse came to set him free. My nurse—the kindly African American woman—wanted to know how Sam and I were doing. We talked to her for a moment as she unhooked me, and when she was done we parted ways. Robyn's arm was wrapped around Riley's waist, and he was kissing him when Sam partly helped me stand up. He gently tugged my sweatshirt sleeve over my left forearm, and I winced, the pain radiating up and down my arm. We said goodbye to Riley and Robyn, promising to call, and went to find my brother and his husband.

_**-o-**_

"We're supposed to meet them in ten minutes; come on," I called to Sam.

He came rushing out of our room, and we bolted out to the car, Sam's shoes in his hands. As I sped down the interstate, we laughed at ourselves. Pulling into the parking lot of the indoor rock climbing building, we both jumped out of the car to get inside quicker. I hit the lock button and Sam held the door for me. We paid, and a staff member walked us into the huge gym. Robyn and Riley were waiting with another staff member, and Robyn was tugging on Riley's harness, making sure it was secure. Riley laughed, being pulled forward and up with every tug on his harness. We met up with them, and we got harnessed in as well. My toboggan was kind of hot once we started climbing, but I was too shy to take it off.

I lost my grip on a rock with my left hand, and I almost shrieked as I dangled by my right hand. Sam, a few feet above me, froze and looked down at me.

"Are you okay?" He asked as I regained my grips and footing.

My left arm still ached, protesting the tensing and relaxing motion as I climbed. I tucked it close to my side, shook my head at Sam, and rappelled down the wall. I got my belay guy to take off my harness, and Sam came chasing after me as I got out to the lobby. He was unharnessed, and he caught me around the waist, pulling me closer. He released me when I eyed the people around us, but he just wanted to look at my arm. I just kept it tucked close and we waited for Robyn and Riley. They came out a few minutes later, and we decided on lunch.

I didn't eat much of the sandwich Sam and I shared at the local restaurant The Fickle Pickle. I told Sam to eat the rest, and he did though he was worried about me. I wasn't feeling well so, knowing how I felt, Robyn and Riley cut the "double date" short. Sam and I said goodbye, leaving them at the restaurant, and headed home. I lay on the couch, a cold cloth on my forehead, and tried to settle my stomach. I had such nausea problems anyway and add chemo medication and I'd be a wreck. As predicted by me, I threw up the tiny amount of food I'd consumed that day, and Sam sat with me in the bathroom while I sipped Sprite. I had been so hot before I threw up, but now I shivered in my sweatshirt and sweatpants, curled up against my boyfriend. Danny and Tom came home from work to find us there, and Tom immediately switched into concerned brother-in-law/Army medic. I swear he's my favorite in-law.

I moved to the couch again, and sipped my Sprite—that never seemed to empty thanks to my concerned family. Sam sat on the floor in front of me, leaning close to me and being sweet with me to make me feel better. It worked.


	16. Relax

"You're skins so soft," Sam purred, pulling my leg up over his hip.

I smiled, feeling Sam's warm hand on my thigh, and shifted closer. I kissed him gently, our lips molding together for a moment before we pulled away.

"Boys! I made breakfast! Come get it while it's hot!"

I smiled, glad that I had a chef for a brother. I was starving since Sam and I had made love the night before and I'd been exhausted afterwards. Sex always made me so tired and so hungry now since I didn't have much energy to begin with. When I got up, Sam watched me shrug into his T-shirt and pull on my sweatpants and his sweatshirt. He finally got up after I coaxed him with sweet kisses and tugged on his dance pants and a big T-shirt.

"Good morning, sweethearts," Danny crooned when we came downstairs, making us give him morning hugs and kisses.

Tom padded downstairs a few minutes later in his pajamas, hair messy and eyes sleepy. Danny smiled crookedly at him, going around the island to greet him. Tom leaned up on his toes, wrapping his arms around Danny's neck and kissing him. Danny smoothed Tom's hair back, kissing his forehead, and smiled at him adoringly.

"How'd you sleep, baby?" Danny murmured, nuzzling against Tom's face and leaving a kiss on his cheek.

"Fine; you kept me warm most of the night," Tom said, his voice so soft and quiet.

Danny smiled, nuzzling in for another kiss. Tom headed straight for the coffee after Danny released him, and leaned against the counter as he watched Danny finish up cooking the bacon. Just to see how Tom looked at my brother with so much love made things worthwhile to know my brother was happy and in love. When Danny passed Tom with the bacon, Tom followed after his husband to come sit at the table. Danny pulled Tom's chair right up against his so he could get his arm around him while they ate.

All I wanted to do was watch my brother and brother-in-law, seeing them interact seemed to make my world a little brighter, so when we all settled in the family room to relax for the day I could watch them and forget that I was sick.

_**-o-**_

"I wonder how Riley's doing. I haven't seen him at chemo lately," I said to Sam, and he stroked his fingers over my head. "But he may just be coming later than us."

His warm lips pursed against my head, and I smiled. I looked back at him, and he smiled at me.

"I don't know. He didn't look too good last time, and Robyn looked so worried. God, I feel so sorry for Robyn. He's trying so hard and I don't think Riley's seeing it," Sam muttered.

"You have to see Riley's side of things too, babe. He's scared to death. He doesn't know what to do. He knows Robyn's there for him, but you have to understand that all he's probably thinking about is if he'll wake up tomorrow," I said softly.

I shifted around to look at Sam when he was quiet for a moment, and he was crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he was looking away from me. Danny and Tom had disappeared somewhere so we were alone. Sam's tiny sob was pitiful. I moved closer to him, and he looked at me.

"I know it's hard for you. God, I do, baby. I know you're scared and I hope that I'm helping you get through this because I don't want you to be alone. You mean the world to me, and without you, I wouldn't be able to live. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. I'm so scared," he sobbed, his tears coming faster now.

I pulled him into a hug, and he clung to me as he cried and cried into my shoulder. I stroked the hair on the back of his head, telling him that everything was okay, I loved him, and that I know he's helped me.

"What's wrong?" Danny and Tom came running into the kitchen, scaring Sam. He jumped, and I hushed him. His eyes continued to water, and he buried his face further into the crook of my neck to cry.

"He's upset," I told them, continuing to stroke his hair.

Once Sam had calmed, only sniffling and shaking a little, he relaxed back onto the couch with me. We snuggled, and made everything okay again. That had been the first time Sam told me he was scared. I could see it in him, but he'd never voiced it to me.

_**-o-**_

Sam's hips seemed to have a mind of their own the way they moved to songs. It was mesmerizing, and I couldn't stop watching him. He was so beautiful in a way I couldn't even describe. He just danced and didn't care what anybody else thought. His face changed when he danced—his lips pulling up into a grin when it was fast and exciting and his eyes closing during any song no matter the tempo. But if I was dancing with him, he'd pull me close and guide me along with his body and would keep his eyes on me the entire time. He just loved to dance with me, to hold me close during the slow songs but keep me close even during fast songs to get me to let go with him. It was amazing to dance with Sam because his body seemed to tell me what to do, when to do it, and how to get Sam to notice.

I didn't feel too good at the moment when Sam was dancing to Adam Lambert's album. I was sipping Sprite and eating Saltine crackers as my stomach churned. Sam wanted me to dance with him, but I'd probably throw up if I did. So he settled for me singing along to the songs from the couch. Oh the couch. A denim (but seriously soft and comfortable) couch. Danny had picked it out and Tom, being the supportive, loving, lenient husband that he was, let him buy it. I loved it, and so did Sam (it made for a good snuggle spot) so we supported the denim couch.

I lifted my feet up when Sam flopped down on the couch. I put my feet in his lap and he grinned, using the iPod dock's remote to pause the music. He was flushed and glowing and happy, just as he always was after dancing. I loved the time after he had danced because I could see him in his place, his niche in his own little world.

"Do you guys want to go out to dinner?" Danny called out as he came in from work.

The door opened and shut again.

"Hey, sweetheart, how was your day?"

I smiled, knowing Tom was home now too. They talked quietly in the foyer and I assumed they were kissing and greeting each other. Sam rubbed my legs through my sweatpants, and smiled at me, his head lying against the back of the couch. His gaze made me blush, my shoulders curling inwards, and he grinned. My brother and brother-in-law came into the kitchen, Danny's arm around Tom's tiny waist.

"So, dinner? Out?" Danny asked again, automatically kissing Tom's head.

"Sure," I answered, peeking up over the couch at them.

Danny laughed and he and Tom went to change. I sat up, and asked Sam to go get my new shoes for me. He kissed me gently before getting up. He was back in a second with both of our new shoes. Robyn and Riley had told us about these shoes called TOMS and so we checked them out on the internet and all four of us—Danny, Tom, Sam, and I—ended up ordering a pair. While I slipped my ash canvas TOMS on, Sam reached over to brush his knuckles down my cheek.

"Baby, you're losing a lot of weight. Do we need to talk to your doctor?" He said, his voice full of concern and love.

I pulled on my other shoe and leaned back. I was about to say something to console him, but my mind blanked. "These shoes are amazing."

Sam busted out laughing, his face totally changing.

"I'm serious," I laughed with him. "They are the most comfortable things I have ever put on my feet."

Sam continued to laugh, and I laughed along with him, unable to help myself. Danny and Tom, already dressed with their shoes on and keys in hand, came in, giving us an odd look. I went in my sweatpants and sweatshirt, just putting on my TOMS, and I was ready to go. Sam had to run change out of his dance pants into some shorts, running back down the stairs in his short cutoff denim shorts, and grabbed his TOMS. We filed out to the car, Tom skipping into step next to Danny. Tom was adorable when he was around Danny. He looked up at him with nothing but pure love, adoration, and trust. He talked like a young boy in love for the first time, but then I had to remember that Danny was his first love. Tom had never had a boyfriend during high school. He met Danny and fell hard for him at eighteen. Danny was his first everything—first kiss, first time, and first long term love.

Sam and I sat in the backseat of Danny's Mazda, listening to Tom talk about his day at the recruiting office and comment on whatever Danny told about his day at the restaurant. Danny reached over, his hand linking with Tom's, and Tom smiled shyly. Their arms rested on the console, hands entangled, and I searched for my boyfriend's hand. He held my hand, smiling at me, and leaned over for a kiss. I shifted closer, my leg hooking over his, and let our lips find each other. Kissing could seem so given after a while in a relationship, but it was amazing every time with Sam. He was always so sure of kissing, while I was tentative as if he'd pull away and deny me a kiss. But he never did. He never denied me anything I wanted unless it was for my own good. Our lips mingled so perfectly, seemingly made for each other like the rest of us seemed to be. Sam pulled my hat off—that I'd grabbed quickly on my way out the door—and tilted my head back a bit to give him better access to my mouth.

We finally broke apart as the engine cut off and Sam pecked me a couple more kisses while I put my hat back on. Danny had come around to get Tom's door, so he opened mine as well, waiting for us to get out of the car.

"Come on, babe. You can kiss Sam once you're out of the car," Danny prodded me, and Tom giggled at him.

I scowled at him as I got out, and he grinned. Tom was now interested in his shoes, leaning up on the balls of his feet, and then back on his heels. He had such a childlike curiosity. Danny caught his attention again when he shut my door, and linked their hands. Tom smiled up at him, and Danny leaned down, pecking him a soft kiss.

"I love you," Danny murmured, quickly nuzzling against Tom's cheek.

Tom smiled wider, his cheeks turning pink. "I love you too."

Danny smiled, kissing him again. Sam took my hand, linking our fingers, and I smiled at him. We headed into the restaurant and definitely drew eyes with two sets of guys holding hands and Sam's tiny shorts. But we could care less. I was a little nervous we'd draw too much attention, but didn't care too much with my brothers and the love of my life with me.


	17. Common

"How many years have you two been dating?" Robyn asked, his thumb drawing calming circles in Riley's palm.

I thought back, counting up the years. "Four years this November."

"Wow. That's impressive. Congratulations," Robyn said, and I nodded.

"How long have you been together?" I asked them, and Robyn smiled, leaning in to kiss Riley's cheek.

"Two years this March," Robyn said, and Riley smiled at him, kissing him.

Riley was very tired, resting his head on Robyn's chest, and he didn't talk much. Sam was zoning out with his iPod, reading a magazine. Riley craned his neck, looking at the floor, smiled at me, and looked back at Robyn.

"They got their TOMS," he told him, now grinning at me.

I laughed. "We did, and we're in love with them. My brother and brother-in-law both got some too."

"Told you they were comfortable," Robyn said, stroking the side of Riley's foot with his. They were both wearing their TOMS—Riley's reddish-brown corduroy and Robyn's natural burlap. Riley smiled, leaning closer to Robyn to get his spot on his chest back.

"Babe, are you sure you feel okay?" Robyn asked Riley, his deep voice a sweet croon.

"No. I don't feel okay," Riley mumbled, his voice fragile and weak.

Robyn kissed Riley's forehead, cradling his head in his hand. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, and kissed his forehead again.

I jumped when I felt a hand in mine. Sam smiled at me, reaching forward to brush his thumb over my jaw. His headphones were around his neck, and he leaned in then for a kiss. I shivered as his lips found mine and a chill from my medicine ran down my spine. Sam tugged my sweatshirt closer around me, and gently pulled away from my lips. I looked over at Riley when his phone made a noise, and he pulled it out of his sweatshirt pocket. He had an iPhone 3GS like Danny and Tom, but his hand blocked his case. His phone clicked as he texted something, and he sat his phone in his lap when he was done. It chirped again, and when he picked it up again I could see his case. I nudged Sam, and he grinned when he saw Riley's Adam Lambert iPhone case. Riley caught us looking, and his cheeks turned pink. He shoved his phone back in his pocket, and looked at his lap. Robyn smiled, kissing Riley's forehead.

"Don't be embarrassed. We like him too," I told him, and he glanced up at me.

Robyn decided to be Riley's spokesperson since he didn't seem to want to talk about it. "He's loved Adam since he was on _American Idol_. I bought that for him for his birthday."

I smiled. "I like it. He's really cool."

Riley smiled, and Robyn rubbed his arm. "You're allowed to like him, babe. A lot of people like him."

"Yeah, but a lot of people don't like him. That's why I'm embarrassed," Riley mumbled, and Robyn kissed his head.

"Well, whoever doesn't like him is at a loss because I think he's amazing. And he's pretty hot too," Robyn teased lightly, trying to cheer his boyfriend up.

It worked and Riley grinned, laughing softly. My nurse came over, unhooking me, and I rubbed at my head with my other hand.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Sam asked, getting my bag.

"My head hurts, but I'm fine. I just need some food or something," I said, standing shakily.

Sam reached for my arm just as my head spun and I collapsed back into my chair. My bag hit the floor and Sam kneeled next to me. I looked at him, blinking.

"Wow that was weird. I just got _really_ dizzy," I said, and Sam felt my cheek.

"You're not hot, just warm. I need to get you some food," he said as he stood, getting my bag and slinging it over one shoulder.

He held out his hands, and I took them. He wrapped his arm around my waist, steadying me in case I got dizzy again. We said goodbye to Riley and Robyn while Riley's nurse unhooked him, and I waved as we walked out.

_**-o-**_

I sat curled up on the couch with Tom's laptop in my lap. I had just talked to my dad, and was planning a trip for my brother, brother-in-law, boyfriend, and myself. I was sick, and I wanted to do something in case I didn't get to do it later on in life. I hadn't been to a beach since I was four and my grandparents lived on the Gulf Coast, so I wanted to go to a beach. I closed the laptop as I heard footsteps come through the kitchen. Sam yawned, his hair mussed and his eyes sleepy, and leaned down for a kiss. He settled next to me as I put the laptop on the floor, and he pulled me onto his lap. His drowsy smile made me laugh, and he pressed soft, warm kisses along my jaw.

"Hey," I murmured, running my fingers back through his soft hair. "I want to tell you something."

"Hmm?" Sam looked up at me, his gorgeous blue eyes bright but he looked so tired.

"We're going on a trip for a few days," I told him, kissing his forehead.

"Where?" He asked, his voice soft and feeble. He kissed my ear, then the softness just below it.

"Virginia Beach. We're leaving on Tuesday," I said, my lips finding his temple next.

He nuzzled against my cheek. "Why Virginia Beach?"

"Just because. I haven't been to a beach since I was four. And, God forbid something happen, I want to see the ocean…with you and Danny and Tom."

Sam's lips pursed against mine for a moment. When he pulled away, he pressed our foreheads together. He looked at me, his blue eyes alert now, and he smiled weakly.

"I can't wait. It'll be so much fun," he whispered, his voice giving out on him at the mention of something happening to me.

I smoothed my hand across the side of his face, and smiled at him. "Baby, I was being hypothetical. Everything's going to be fine. I promise. I just want to go to the beach and relax. We've got three weeks before I have chemo again. And besides, my birthday's on Wednesday. It'll be fun to be there on my birthday."

Sam smiled. "That's true. So, we've got four days before we leave. You're taking care of the arrangements, I'm guessing?"

I laughed, and nodded. "Yes. I'm taking care of it…with some help from my dad, but it's mostly me. You just have to worry about packing and being excited."

Sam laughed then, and I kissed him before standing up.

"Let's get dressed," I suggested. Sam stood up, taking my hand. "Maybe Danny will take us out for dinner again tonight. I'm craving pasta and then sharing a chocolaty dessert with my gorgeous boyfriend."

He smirked, pulling me against his chest. "And how gorgeous is this boyfriend of yours?"

I grinned. "Oh he's drop-dead sexy. But even though he's so good-looking, and well endowed I might add, he's sweet and caring and the best man I could've ever asked to have as a boyfriend."

He smiled, leaning in to kiss me. When we finally pulled away, the front door slamming, he pressed our foreheads together again.

"I love you so much," he whispered, pecking me another kiss.

"I love you too. More than you could ever know," I whispered back, and we finally broke apart to hold hands.

Tom came skidding into the kitchen, Danny in tow, with an envelope. He ripped it open, sliding out several pictures, and spread them out on the kitchen table. He and Danny leaned over them, beaming.

"Wedding pictures?" Sam asked.

"No," Danny said. "Pictures Leroy took before the wedding of us on the beach."

Tom shed his fatigue jacket, and he and Danny gushed over the pictures. Tom sent Danny to get an empty picture frame, and I looked at the pictures with Sam. I smiled when I saw all the gorgeous photos my brother took. Most of them were black and white because more emotion was conveyed through black and white photos according to my brother. One really beautiful picture had Tom sitting in between Danny's legs. They were both looking down at Tom's footprint in the sand that he'd left in front of both of them. Danny was tracing the outline of the footprint, and smiling down over Tom's shoulder.

Tom picked that one up, putting it in the picture frame when Danny gave it to him, and propped it up on the table, leaving it displayed there.


	18. Smile

Sam and I sat in the back of Danny's Mazda as we drove down the interstate. Danny and Tom were excited to go to the beach as a vacation, and easily took off from work for the week we'd be gone. I could tell Sam was worrying a lot about me, scared that this was some kind of final thing I wanted to do to mark my life being over. But that wasn't what I was going for. I didn't know if I was going to survive to see Christmas, so I just lived in the present and took whatever the day gave me. It took about ten hours to get to Virginia Beach from Roswell, but no one asked why I didn't choose Charleston or the coast of Georgia or even Florida. They let me do what I wanted because I was sick. They also didn't question my reasoning of not having been to a beach since I was a baby. I'd been to Danny and Tom's beach house, but that wasn't a vacation. Usually it had been because something was wrong or I just needed my big brother. Sam dozed on and off, his head usually pillowed on my shoulder, but I didn't mind. He was sweet when he slept. When he woke up, he'd be snuffle-y and drowsy, and I loved that. He was adorable.

Tom and Danny were talking quietly. Tom was angled towards Danny in his seat, pressed as close to the console as he could get to be closer to Danny. They held hands, and just that made Tom almost giddy with love. It was sweet to see them together because they were mine and Sam's poster couple that we wanted to be like. Even though it was embarrassing and awkward to talk about my big brother having sex, it was good to know that he had someone who loved him. It was even more embarrassing and awkward when you find them snuggling after sex; but again, it was nice to see him so in love. Sam sat up, bringing in a deep breath, and rubbed at his eyes. I smiled, reaching over to stroke his hair, and he smiled back at me.

"Hey, sleepyhead," I murmured, leaning in for a kiss.

His lips were warm and smooth against mine, and I didn't ever want to pull away. But we did, and he cupped his hands around my cheeks, holding my face close.

"I love you," he whispered, pecking me another quick kiss. He stroked my cheek, his lips then finding the tip of my nose.

"I love you too." I wound my arms around his neck, and we nuzzled in to each other's arms for the rest of the ride.

_**-o-**_

Danny and I sat in our beach chairs on the beach, watching as Sam and Tom bounded down the sand with our two boogie boards. I was tired, and a bit nauseated, but I wanted to come down to the beach for my boyfriend. He and Tom were laughing, and shrieking as waves crashed over them and they stepped in dips in the sand. I'd traded my toboggan for a baseball cap, and sat under an umbrella. Danny sat in the sun since the position of the sun cast the other umbrella shadow behind us. Danny chuckled as he watched his husband turn away as a wave started to break against him, squealing as it splashed in his face. I smiled, and found Sam about five feet away from Tom waiting for a wave to come in big enough to catch and ride. Tom got out to him, and they talked as they bobbed with the smaller waves.

"We did good didn't we?" I asked Danny, looking over at him.

He squinted at me in the sun, his curls partly dry and shining in the sun. "We did. Tom's the best thing that's ever happened to me." He looked down at his hand, twirling Tom's wedding rings around his pinky finger since that was the only finger they fit on. He had on his own rings; he almost never took them off.

I had on my claddagh, and Sam's was in his shorts up in the hotel room. "It's the same with Sam and me. I didn't know what I was going to do before I met him. He changed my entire outlook on life. I was so lost, and then I met him."

"I know, baby. I was so worried about you going off to college. But when you brought Sam home to meet us at Christmas, you were so genuinely happy and so in love that I knew Sam had changed something in you and that it was for the better. I was so excited for you to have Sam, and knew instantly that he would be good for you."

I reached over Tom's chair to hold Danny's hand, and he smiled, squeezing my hand before releasing it. I waved to Sam when he rode a wave in, laughing along with Danny when poor Tom lost hold of his board and tumbled head over heels with a wave. He rubbed his head and chest which was a little scraped up along with his knees (which were a lot scraped up), and trekked up the sand to Danny. He dropped his board, taking the Velcro wristband off. Danny spread Tom's towel over his chair, opening his arms for his husband to sit down. Tom whined to Danny about the stinging pain of his new cuts, and my brother tried to soothe him at least some.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. We can go back to the room and find the Neosporin if you want," Danny said, stroking Tom's cheek.

Tom shook his head. "I'm fine, it just stings."

Danny leaned in, kissing his husband's cheek. We stayed out on the beach until noon. I collected some shells, and Danny stayed with me up in our chairs so I wouldn't be lonely. When we finally went back to the room, Tom, Danny, and Sam showered and we all changed clothes to go get lunch. I didn't eat much, and what I did I threw up once we got back to the room. I lay on the bed, and Sam lounged beside me, rubbing my back. I was so thankful for him. I'd had to change T-shirts when I threw up, so Danny gave me one of his to wear. It was soft and comfy, and I just wanted to rest.

_**-o-**_

Once my birthday passed (I was sick the entire day), we left on Friday to go back home. As my rest period ended and Labor Day approached, I hated that I was keeping my brother and brother-in-law from being a newlywed couple. Though they had a healthy sex life—that I knew of—they didn't get much time alone and they rarely did anything at night (Danny told me so). I felt horrible for keeping them from having random sex on the table like newlyweds were supposed to. So we stayed with my mom, much to Danny and Tom's half-dismay, and Sam went back to work as much as he could like no other. He taught dance classes twice or more a day, took a job at the Cracker Barrel we frequented in Alpharetta waiting tables, but always went to chemo with me. His bosses (especially the owner of the dance studio) were very lenient and understanding about my condition and Sam's need to be with me.

He left me in the care of my mother or a sibling depending on the situation (or even less common: the care of myself) when he had to work. I loved to see my nieces, since at least one of them would sit and rest with me. It was usually Emilee who would nap with me.

"I love you, sweetheart. Please relax because you're starting chemo again tomorrow. I want you to rest and just chill for the day, alright?" Sam murmured, pecking me soft kisses before kissing Emilee's cheek and kissing me one more time before backing away. "I love you. See you in a few hours."

"I love you too, baby. Bye." I waved with Emilee as Sam drove away in his new lime green Ford Fiesta his dad gave him. I gushed over how adorable the car was so Sam couldn't reject it from his father since I already loved it.

I kissed Emilee's head, her blond ringlets soft against my lips, and closed the door. Nicole was in the kitchen with the other two girls, making them lunch, and I settled Emilee in her booster seat to eat. She was such a quiet child. While Beth and Alex squealed, and were the messiest children I'd ever seen eat any kind of food, Emilee ate neatly and she barely made a peep unless she wanted me or Nicole to acknowledge her. It was an uneventful day until it was almost time for Sam to come home. I went to pick up Emilee to take her upstairs for her nap, and a pain shot through my stomach. I held my belly, and Emilee knew something was wrong when I kneeled by her. She ran as toddlers do, screaming for her mother, and came back with Nicole in tow. Nicole kneeled by me, also trying to soothe her sniffling daughter. Emilee was close to tears, and she reached to touch my cheek. I gritted my teeth against the pain, gasping as another wave of pain washed over me.

"Xavier? Baby?"

I looked up as Sam threw his bag off his shoulder and rushed towards me. I'd seen that look on his face before—fear; the fear that comes from love. But it was nothing like the fear he'd looked at me with when he was hit by both cars—that fear that comes from the thought of never seeing the one person you lived for again. Nicole let him take her place, and she picked up Emilee who was chewing on her fingers as tears rolled down her rosy cheeks. Sam felt my face, saying that I felt like I had a fever, and I said his name though it came out as breathy and pained.

I pushed myself as Sam helped me, and bolted towards the bathroom. Sam threw the door closed as I was violently sick. It hurt so badly, and I felt as if my stomach was being ripped out from the outside. Sam tried his best to comfort me, and helped me as much as he could, but there was only so much he could do. Nicole called Tom, who called Danny, and they came as fast as they could. As soon as Tom got there, shrugging out of his fatigue jacket, he offered me soft, soothing words coupled with a cold cloth on my forehead that helped more than Sam's worried and stressed apologies.

Danny retrieved my nausea medicine at no one's request, but that was the next thing out of Tom's mouth. He smiled up at his husband, glad for his quick thinking, and had me take one of the pills with a tiny sip of Sprite. We all stayed in or near the bathroom while we waited for my medicine to kick in. Sam disappeared, and Danny was sent to find him. They didn't come back for a while, and my medicine started working and I felt a lot better. Tom helped me stand up, and I went in search of my boyfriend. I found them in the bonus room upstairs, and Sam was crying. Danny was sitting on the couch next to him, listening to him talk. My brother wiped a few tears off of Sam's cheeks, stroking his hair, and let him keep talking. He was talking fast and slurring his words together in a rush to get them out as the tears continued to flow. He was pitiful, and all I wanted to do was hold him as he sobbed out broken words. Danny looked towards the door and saw me. I knew my face gave away how scared I was by finding them, but he didn't say a word. He just pulled his gaze back to Sam who still hadn't seen me. I went back downstairs, and Tom made me sit down. Emilee had been put down to nap, but Nicole was still on edge about what had happened. Sam and Danny came downstairs a few minutes later, Sam with no tears or flushed cheeks, and Danny was just as happy and talkative as ever. They never said anything and neither did I.

Sam and I left to go back to my mom's house, and Tom and Danny left for their new studio apartment. Their house had finally sold and they were thrilled. They'd bought a very cool apartment and were in love with it.


	19. Sneak

_Danny_

Tom threw his jeans down on the floor, stamping his foot. I sat on the couch in the middle of our apartment, and he stood in front of me.

"They don't fit!" He cried, giving me a petulant look. "Nothing fits!"

I gave him an apologetic look, not knowing how to help him.

"I'm sorry, baby," I said to him, because I was

His eyebrows pulled down in a pitifully upset look.

"I'm fat," he complained, looking—more like glaring—at his jeans on the smooth hardwood floor.

"You're not fat," I told him, standing up.

He gave me a look that questioned my sanity, and jerked his shirt off.

"Look," he said simply.

He poked his belly, and grabbed at the backs of his thighs. In front of our full-length mirror, he pulled my shirt up to compare our stomachs. He was very upset. His lower lip started to tremble, so I made a fast decision. I pulled my T-shirt completely off, dropping it on the floor, and quickly yanked my jeans off. I pulled his attention away from the mirror, and picked him up. He hugged me close, his legs around my waist, and I walked us over to the bed. Laying him down, he sniffled. I wanted to make him feel better, and knowing how sex was like therapy for us, I knew just how to. I'd make love to him, and then we'd eat whatever food that was bad for us we could get our hands on. I could see the tiny bit of pudge on his belly that he was upset over, but it was not enough to even constitute as fat. But when I kissed all the way down his chest to his belly, he didn't pull away. He just sighed, stretching his arms out as I ravished him. He loved it as I made love to him, his back arching with almost every downward thrust of my hips, and he was much more vocal. Even though my kisses covered every inch of his belly, when we got up—still both completely naked—I caught him looking in the mirror and rubbing at his face as he turned away. It was ten o' clock at night, and we were both starving. I was making macaroni and cheese—the Kraft kind which is the best kind—but Tom went straight for the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer. I let him eat it, knowing he'd still be hungry once the half of the pint was gone.

We put on underwear since we wanted to snuggle, and ate all of our junk food and our mac and cheese while we watched whatever was on TV. Since Tom didn't feel good he made me watch episodes of _Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta_ on TLC. I humored him, and just held him as he slowly dozed off. As he slept, I waited until I was tired enough to sleep, and then turned the TV off and carried Tom to bed.

_**-o-**_

Tom and I were meeting Nicole and the girls at The Fickle Pickle for lunch, and Tom couldn't find anything to wear. Most everything he put on pulled too tightly across his crotch and thighs, and he'd pull it off and throw it down with an angry groan. He finally stole a pair of my shorts that were a bit small on me, cinched his belt, and found a T-shirt. I rubbed his arm, but he just scowled away from me, and walked past me as I held the door for him.

He perked up a bit though when Emilee latched onto his leg and wanted his attention. He was such a good uncle because he'd been such a great father. He put his own problem aside for a moment to make his niece smile. Tom took the girls to find a table, and Nicole and I ordered.

"Is something wrong?" Nicole asked me while we filled cups with our drinks.

I filled Tom's cup with sweet tea, tossing a lemon in despite knowing he might not want one. I was distracted. "Yes and no. Tom thinks he's fat, and his clothes don't fit very well anymore. He's very upset, and I don't know how to help him other than letting him eat all the junk food in the apartment and then buying him new clothes."

"He's having a bout of insecurity, Danny. Make him feel better about himself. Have sex with him all the time, tell him how hot he looks in fucking sweats, and just let him cope however he wants. Maybe go to the gym with him to work off all that food. Get him all hot and sweaty and tell him how sexy he is and how it gets you all hot and bothered to see him running on the treadmill. Make him feel like he is the hottest, sexiest, and most provocative man on the entire planet."

I raised my eyebrows at her, fishing the lemon out of his tea, and put it in hers before she could reach for one. "Thanks, Nicky. I appreciate it, I really do." I picked up our teas, and looked back at her. "And he is all of those things. And more."

She laughed as I walked away to find my husband surrounded by his nieces as he showed them something on his iPhone. They squealed and giggled at whatever was on his phone, but got even more excited when Uncle Danny showed up. I got Beth and Alex into their highchairs, and took my seat next to Tom. Nicole came in, and gave them their cups of tea and sat down with us to wait for our food. I stretched my arm out across the back of Tom's chair, and he smiled at me. Our food was brought out to us, and we all talked while he ate. Tom acted as if nothing was wrong, and I let him. I just wanted him to be happy.

When we got back home though, he plummeted. He put on a big T-shirt and sweatpants, curling up on the couch with his laptop. We bummed around the apartment the rest of the day, and Tom finally wanted me to hold him. We went to bed early, since we both had work in the morning, and stripped down to nothing as we climbed under the covers. Tom snuggled up to me, his leg going over my hip, and I smoothed his hair back.

I smiled, shifting in to share his pillow and kiss him. He smiled sleepily, and closed his eyes. I watched him as his face relaxed and his entire body succumbed to exhaustion. As he sank deeper into sleep, I carefully slipped out of bed, making sure to carefully remove his leg from my hip. I watched as he whimpered, pulling the covers closer, and snuggled into my spot, seeking the warmth. I smoothed his hair back, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead, and found my boxers. I sat in the desk chair in front of the Mac, and shook the mouse to wake it up. The glow from the screen pointed away from Tom, so he was still swathed in darkness in the corner our bed was in. The rest of the apartment was dim except for the kitchen light over the sink. I could see Tom in our bed, his hair sticking up from where he tossed and turned trying to get comfortable as the heat I left dissipated. He finally curled up and settled, sighing heavily.

I went back to the computer, signing in under my account, and opened the Internet. I had created a blog a couple weeks ago, but had neglected it due to work and my husband. I only had a few posts, but those posts had drawn a lot of attention. I had questions about Tom—since I'd mentioned him—and comments on all of my posts. I replied to my questions, read my comments, and made another post about not being able to sleep but being happy with watching my own beautiful husband sleep.

I looked up from the computer when rough movement in the bed made the darkness shift and my ears perk. Tom sat up, rubbing his eyes, and searched the bed for me. He looked up and squinted at me in the dark.

"What's wrong? Why aren't you in bed?" He asked, his voice heavy and his words slightly slurred.

"I can't sleep. Lay back down, baby doll, you have to get up earlier than me," I prompted him, but he stayed sitting up, watching me.

It was almost two in the morning; tomorrow was already here. Tom pushed the covers away, yawning, and stood up on unsteady legs. He padded across the cool hardwood floor, entirely naked, and I just watched him. He looked so angelic, the kitchen light casting a glow on him and making his messy hair look lighter. He was so tired, but he wrapped his arms around my neck from behind me, burying his face in my neck.

He asked what I was doing, and I told him. He seemed only a little interested, but he was tired. I finally logged off the computer, following him back to bed. He kneeled on the bed in front of me as I stood next to it, and he pushed my boxers off. He left a kiss on my chest, and I smiled. He was so tired, but he wanted to stay awake to be with me. He kissed me, his lips slow and sluggish against mine, but he gave up when he had to break away to yawn. We lay down together, us both stretching out on our bellies.

_**-o-**_

Xavier and Sam sat on the couch in my mom's house. Sam stole sweet, tender kisses from my brother, making Xavier smile uncontrollably. Just to see him so happy even when he was so sick made everything worthwhile. They laughed and talked, separate from the rest of the family.

At dinner, Ashley, Carrie, and Nicole all wanted to say something. And I felt Tom and myself tense when they finally told us. They were all three pregnant. Nicole knew how this made Tom and I feel. Even four plus years later, it still hurt. It would always hurt.

We congratulated them, Tom finding my hand under the table. We didn't fake our happiness, we were ecstatic to be uncles again, but we hid our pain and the hole that had been left in our hearts. It was difficult, and everyone could see that we were uncomfortable and disappointed and saddened. Our chance at being parents had been stolen away from us much too prematurely. We hadn't been ready to give up our responsibilities.

Once dinner was over, Tom bolted from the table. I knew he was crying, but no one else did. I knew him all too well. They asked me what was wrong, but I just shook my head and got up. I sat my napkin on the table, and left my chair pushed away from the table. Tom had only made it to the bathroom, and I knocked lightly on the door.

"Tom, sweetie, please open the door for me," I coaxed, hoping he'd let me in because we needed each other.

The door opened a tiny bit, and I squeezed through as best I could. Tom threw himself into my arms as soon as the door was shut and locked. His sobs were broken, and he gasped for breaths in between his cries. I cradled his head in one hand, and rubbed his back with the other.

"I miss her," Tom cried into my chest, his back rising and falling with ragged quickness.

"I know, baby, I know. I miss her too," I told him, kissing his head.

Tom finally calmed down, and sat on the toilet lid while I sat on the floor in front of him. His emotions had been feeble due to his lack of sleep, and the insane amount of hours he'd been working. He was exhausted, his allergies were on a rampage due to the leaves changing, and he was stretched way too thin.

I leaned up on my knees, and cradled his face in my hands. New tears ran through my fingers on his cheeks. As I wiped them away, he leaned in to kiss me. Once we had released each other, I wet a paper towel, wringing out the excess water, and wiped Tom's face off. He closed his eyes against the coolness, and squeezed his eyes closed a little tighter when I ran the paper towel over his eyelids. He blinked his eyes open at me when I stepped away, his eyelashes still damp from tears and the paper towel.

"I love you," he told me, sincere and loving.

"I love you too," I murmured, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

We weren't bombarded when we finally slipped out into the family room. Xavier and Sam were curled up on the end of the couch, their bodies entangled with such intricacy we wouldn't be able to tell whose limbs were whose if they didn't have such different shapes. Sam's legs, so full of strong muscle, could never be mistaken for anyone's in our family. Xavier's hand found Sam's thigh, pushing his shorts up to bunch at his hip, and stroked his fingers up and down where the muscle rippled on the side. Sam took Xavier's toboggan off, leaving a kiss on his head, and they smiled tenderly at one another.


	20. Space

Sam and Xavier tagged along with me to go grocery shopping while Tom was at work. They didn't have anything to do on Xavier's first day of chemo for the month, and he was feeling pretty good for once. While on our way to the frozen food section, we ran into a gay couple that Tom and I were friends with.

They had their three children with them, and the oldest immediately became infatuated with the new people. The baby, who we learned was named Maya, stuck her thumb in her mouth and her bottom lip started to quiver. Noah got her out of the child's seat, kissing her head and rocking her a little. Logan peeled the oldest, Autumn, who was five, off my leg. I told Logan that I didn't mind. The middle child, a two year old boy named Isaac, stuck close to his dads, not moving more than a foot away from them.

"You have a daughter, don't you?" Logan asked, not knowing he was moving into more or less uncharted territory.

I looked down for a moment, and then looked back up at Logan. My hands found their way into my pockets. "We did, for about six months…and then she passed away. She had HIV and she was very sick for those six months, but she ended up getting leukemia and passing away in February about four or so years ago."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know," he apologized quickly, obviously understanding the pain we'd gone through.

"It's fine," I said. "You didn't know. It's been so long since we've seen each other, so you couldn't have known unless someone spread the news throughout Roswell."

Logan smiled a little, and picked up Autumn when she tugged on his T-shirt. "I really am sorry though. I can't even begin to think about losing any one of them."

I smiled back. "It's back to normal again. We grieved for as long as we could stand, and now we've moved on. It's the past, and we're trying to just live normal lives again."

Logan and Noah both nodded, and we finally had to part ways when Isaac made Noah bend down for him to ask to go to the bathroom.

_**-o-**_

All I wanted to do was to be around children.

I babysat for my sister on my days off while Tom worked, so he wouldn't have something else on his mind on his days off, and let them turn our apartment upside down until they left and I'd put it back together before Tom got home. When he'd walk through the door, I'd be the loving, doting husband I always was. On days when we both worked, I couldn't get home fast enough to see the one man I loved more than anything in the world. He was my life, and nothing could ever replace him. I was always excited to see him, nothing could change that.

Tom was very quiet when he came home on evening, and I looked over at him from the fridge. I'd been home for half an hour having gone to the grocery store after I got off earlier. He smiled fleetingly at me, and I smiled back with a little more enthusiasm. He changed clothes as I moved over to the stove and lit a burner. He finally spilled to me that another one of his friends had been killed over in Afghanistan, and I let him talk it out until he felt better. After we cleaned up from dinner, we made love and then went to bed early. It was an uneventful evening, but that's what Tom had needed.

_**-o-**_

It was mid-October when Tom lost his job. They were cutting back on their recruiters, and Tom had been the first to go for a reason they wouldn't tell us. Tom knew it was because he was gay, but didn't dwell on it. He did dwell on the fact that he could not find another job. He hated the feeling that he was living off me, even though I'd gotten a promotion and we were doing just fine. He didn't like that I was the only one making money for us, but I assured him that he was just fine being at home while I worked. He could see that we were never incredibly low on money, but it still unnerved him. He looked all over for a job, but came up empty handed. Whenever he'd get an interview, they'd hire someone else. It aggravated him to no end.

I didn't wake Tom up like he asked me to one morning, letting him sleep late and left him a note before I went into work. I got a sweet text from him at around ten, saying thanks for letting him sleep, for the coffee I left him, and I love you, including a little smiley face. I sent him a text back, saying that he deserved it and that I loved him too.

When I got home that evening, Noah and Logan were there with Isaac and Maya, and dinner was waiting for me.

"Welcome home! Sorry to take over your apartment without you knowing," Logan greeted me, looking at Isaac in his arms. "And bringing our children. Tom said you wouldn't mind. And Autumn had a play date so we brought the quiet ones. Hope that's okay."

I laughed, kissing Tom. "Don't worry. I love to be around them. It's fine."

I took a very fast shower and changed clothes, and dinner was on the table by the time I was done. Isaac played on the floor next to Logan while he gave him little puff snacks. Maya sat in her stroller while Noah gave her bites of a fruit puree.

"Sorry we're feeding them while we're eating," Noah apologized, but I waved them off.

"We know you need to," I said, smiling at Maya when she spit out what Noah gave her. He sighed at her, but smiled and scooped the food on her chin back into her mouth.

"It's cute anyway," Tom added. "We love to be around kids."

I smiled at him, giving him a quick kiss. We all finished dinner, and I started to clean up.

"Let me clean up, sweetie. You've been working all day, and you look exhausted," Tom told me, taking the plates from me.

"How about I help you? Okay? I won't overdo it, I promise," I said, and picked up other dishes. I turned to Noah and Logan. "You two are welcome to stay if you'd like, or go and pick up Autumn and come back. We have nothing to do, and we'd love the company."

Noah held Maya on his lap, his body angled towards Logan's as it always was even if he wasn't looking at him. "Autumn's spending the night, and we'd love to stay if we could."

"That's great. You are welcome to stay here. We love to have the company."

I went back to doing the dishes with my husband, and saw Logan pull Noah's bare feet up into his lap. Noah's head rolled back, and he smiled at Logan as he rubbed his feet. I could see now how tired Noah looked. He could barely hold his head up, but he kept going for his partner and his kids. Being able to relax though, I could see that he loved to just close his eyes for a moment. He was the stay at home dad while Logan went to work every day to Air Products, a chemical company. He was exceptionally smart.

As we sat around the kitchen table, drinking coffee, Maya slowly nodded off in her stroller as she suckled on her pacifier. Isaac eventually fell asleep in Logan's arms, his head resting on his dad's shoulder. They left at around eight-thirty, since they were exhausted and their kids were already asleep. We said good-bye, shutting the door behind them, and we immediately crawled into bed to make love and then fall asleep in each other's arms.


	21. Struggle

_Xavier_

Sam took me with him to his dance class before I had chemo, and it made me so happy to see him dance. He was so graceful and elegant when he danced that it distracted me from the churning in my stomach from the poison I had in my system. I put my head in my hands for a moment, taking off my hat and fanning my face. I was getting very hot, and I knew that wasn't good. I took my sweatshirt off, and caught Sam watching me. He told his class to practice some random steps, and chased after me as I bolted towards the bathroom. I had nothing to throw up, and it hurt so badly. Sam's tap shoes clicked on the linoleum flooring as he got me a wet paper towel, and he was so sweet with me. He always was, but when I was sick it was different.

Once my stomach had calmed enough, Sam walked back out with me, his arm around my waist where it belonged. He kissed my cheek softly, and I settled back into my chair. I was chilled now, so I pulled my sweatshirt back on, pulling my hood up.

When Sam's class was over, we stopped to get me a Sprite before we went to the outpatient clinic for chemo, and Sam had some chicken nuggets since he was starving. Chemo was very regular now to us. It wasn't as scary as it was when we were first thrown into the cancer world, but we were still trying to cope with the perspective of it. Sam kissed my head, keeping my hat away from me because he thought I still looked cute even without any hair. He was so supportive, and I was so glad he was so strong and brave. If I didn't have him, I wouldn't have been able to deal with everything that was happening to me. But then again, I felt responsible for screwing up his life. I was responsible for making his life that much harder.

"What's on your mind, baby doll?" Sam asked me, stroking my cheek.

I looked over at him, and he smiled at me. I noticed he'd cut his hair very short, and I knew why. He didn't want me to feel alone. I would never let him shave his head—I loved his hair too much—and he knew that.

"I feel like I've made your life a lot harder because I'm so messed up and now I'm sick, and you don't deserve to have to take care of me," I told him, and his blue eyes—such a beautiful cerulean—widened slightly.

"What is this about?" He asked, shifting closer.

"I hate that you have to deal with me. I am so screwed up, and you are so…_not._ You're amazing, and I'm so broken. I feel as if I'm not good enough for you because I've got so much baggage. And I'm sick on top of it all. I don't want you to have to take care of me so much. I hate that you constantly have to help me when I throw up because my medicine doesn't help and chemo is torturous," I said, and he sighed.

"Not this again," he muttered, but it wasn't mean. "I thought I told you before. Sweetheart, you mean the world to me. I would never ever not want you around just because you have 'baggage.' I love you so much, and I love that you're not perfect. I love that you need me to love you because you were neglected. I don't love that you had bad relationships, obviously, but I love that you are able to love so passionately even though you went through all of that. If you have lost interest in me, or you just don't feel the same way about me, then I understand. I don't want you to feel as if I don't love you anymore, because I do; so much. I don't just want you, but I _need_ you.

"And just because you're sick doesn't mean that I don't love you. I love taking care of you. I love that your cheeks turn pink whenever I look at you, and how big you smile at me whenever I smile at you, and the way that you lean into me when I kiss you makes everything in this cruel world seem so much better. You are my life and no matter what I will always love you."

I shook my head. "I have anything but lost interest in you. I love you so much. I just wish that I wasn't so difficult to live with, but apparently I can't help that. I love that my cheeks turn pink when I look at you, and how big I smile when you smile at me, and how I lean into you when you kiss me is what makes me think that I may be worthy of your love. I _was_ neglected, but you make it all better because I know that I have someone that loves me to come home to everyday."

We kissed, both of our words hitting hard in each other. It was settled, we loved each other, Sam never wanted to give me up, and I was overreacting. I toed my TOMS off and pulled my legs up underneath me to tuck my feet under my bottom. Sam leaned in for another kiss, but it was quick and he kissed my forehead before he pulled away. The doors to the clinic opened again, and two people we hadn't seen in a very long time walked in. Riley looked so tiny and sick. He looked exhausted and weary. Robyn only looked a little better. He was the one that talked to us while we all sat there. Riley just smiled at us, seeming too weak to talk. He shivered once violently when the medicine hit his vein, and Robyn shrugged out of his sweatshirt. Riley had on a sweater, but he eagerly accepted Robyn's sweatshirt.

"How are you two doing?" Robyn asked us, leaving a soft kiss on Riley's forehead.

"We're doing fine. Not fantastic, but good," I told them, and Robyn smiled. "How about you; how's everything going with the two of you?"

Robyn's smile faded a little. He looked at Riley, his mouth opening a fraction to speak. "Riley's cancer spread. It progressed to stage three. But we're really trying to stay positive."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," I said, and Robyn smiled fleetingly at me.

"Thank you, but the doctor is very optimistic that a bone marrow transplant will help greatly," Robyn explained, and kissed Riley's head.

I smiled, and was glad when the nurse finally came to unhook me a while later. Riley had come about two-thirds the way through my treatment, so we were done before. Riley leaned up for a one-armed hug, and Robyn stood up to hug us before we left. I told him that he was strong, and that Riley was going to be okay. He nodded, and we waved as we left the clinic.

Sam took me to lunch, but we just shared something since I couldn't eat much. We had some extra money left over from Sam's paychecks, and he wanted to take me shopping. So we hit the mall, though I walked kind of slowly as I got tired and nauseated. Once Sam got me a Coke, I perked up from the caffeine, and the carbonation cured my nausea. I didn't want to spend Sam's money, but he insisted that he wanted to get me some new clothes before winter came. I let him pick almost everything out, and anything that he didn't like that I picked out was an automatic no. I wanted him to feel that he was happy with what he bought so he wouldn't regret buying it. I actually really enjoyed myself modeling clothes for him, especially in American Eagle when I straddled his lap as he sat on the bench watching me. I had on a sweater over a button down shirt and a pair of jeans. I kissed him, and he had a hand on my back and one on my butt. We were broken apart when the girl who had given me a dressing room knocked and asked if anything had worked. I grinned and winked at Sam.

"Everything's great, thanks," I said, and Sam hand to press his hand to his mouth to keep from laughing.

I gave him another quick kiss, adding those clothes to the yes pile, and went on to another outfit. As I stood in front of the mirror in my trunks, Sam stood up and stood behind me. He kissed my shoulder, smiling at me in the mirror, and I smiled back. I turned sideways, and looked at my belly. I poked at it a little, and frowned.

"What is it, sweetie?" Sam asked me as he sat back down. "Is your stomach hurting again?"

"No," I muttered, unhappy. "I've gained weight. That's why those jeans and that shirt didn't fit."

Sam cocked his head to the side, looking at me. "Well, I can't see it. I still think you're the most gorgeous thing ever to grace this earth, but even if you think that you have, you have a reason. You've been sick, and you don't have the energy you used to have. It's not your fault."

I still didn't like that I had gained weight. It made me feel shy about being so naked in front of my boyfriend, even though we'd seen each other naked far too many times to count. I knew I had an excuse. I just couldn't muster the energy to dance with Sam or go to the gym with him. He'd quit the gym when I got sick, taking a leave at the dance studio, but was dancing again now and I could see his muscles were toned and his waist had dropped a size or two. I tried not to think about it, but I couldn't help it once a shirt that we had both loved didn't fit and there hadn't been any bigger sizes in the stack. Sam could see that I was getting upset, so he gave me my sweatpants and patted the spot next to him. He pulled my leg over his which meant I had to sit closer to him. I unconsciously wrapped an arm around my stomach, but Sam nudged it away. His arm went around my waist, and he kissed my temple.

"Baby, talk to me. I know you don't like that you gained weight, but until you have all your energy back we could maybe try something low stress to help get it off if you want," Sam suggested, and I loved but hated that I had such an athletic boyfriend.

As I thought this, I saw his ring glint in the light. I had another ring picked out for him for Christmas. It was still a claddagh, but it had his birthstone—the diamond—in the shape of the heart. I looked at him, his stunning blue eyes sparkling with the bubbly personality I loved so much, and kissed him. He was tense for a moment, before relaxing, and we kissed languidly for a moment. We decided that we done in this store, and Sam bought my outfit and a few T-shirts along with some underwear for both of us. I was getting tired, my energy draining fast, so we left. Sam held my hand in the car, occasionally kissing my knuckles which would entail kissing the ring he put on my finger, and played a playlist from his iPod that he made of songs he liked that he thought described us. It was sweet.

Once we got my home, my mom greeted us in the kitchen. My siblings were coming over for dinner party, bringing some of their friends as well, and I grimaced at the thought. I'd wanted a calm, quiet evening to relax and watch movies snuggled up with my boyfriend. But apparently I had to be at this party to interact since I was "becoming antisocial" according to my mother. She winked at me, and I knew she was teasing. I didn't feel like changing out of my sweatshirt and sweatpants, but Sam wanted to change out of his dance stuff. He looked pretty sexy in those ripped jeans I loved with rips completely down the legs, showing his gorgeous, tanned skin, and a red v-neck T-shirt. We snuggled up on the couch until everyone arrived, and I was so close to dozing off on Sam's shoulder when the doorbell rang. I wanted to kill whoever was behind that door, and it happened to be my entire family and their friends. So I put a curse on all of them, and tried to snuggle back into my boyfriend's arms. I glared at my siblings when they tried to hug and kiss me, since I was not happy being roused from my almost nap. They just put their hands up in surrender and kissed my head. Sam rubbed my back, somehow coaxing me up off the couch.

I saw Logan and Noah again, and their kids were just as cute as they had been the other day. My nieces were excited to see me, and I was happy to see them. Emilee tried to hang onto my leg, but Nicole pried her off and gave her a toy to play with. She bonded well with Isaac, and they played quietly together just inside the family room while Alex, Beth, and Autumn ran around playing together. Danny and Tom seemed a lot more relaxed since they had their own apartment, and they kissed sweetly and smiled at each other with that newlywed look. It had only been about two months since they'd gotten married, and it was as if their love had changed just because they had hyphenated their last names and we as a family recognized them as husbands. It was amazing to see them so in love.


	22. Family

It was two months until mine and Sam's four year anniversary. I was nervous everyday that Sam would decide that everything was too much for him and he'd leave me. I'd be left, sick and alone, without the one man I lived for. But he has proven me wrong many times, and has stayed with me through everything.

"Baby?"

My head snapped up, and I looked for whoever's voice I'd heard. Sam smiled at me from the recliner across the room, and gave me an air kiss. I grinned, giving him one back, and he shifted a little in the chair. He'd been at his dance class, and his knee had buckled coming down from a leap. It had been a class of teenage girls, so they were clueless, and he snapped at them to get his phone out of his bag. One of the more sensible girls had gotten it for him, and he'd called me. My mom had taken me over, and I drove Sam's Fiesta back to the house. He had been in so much pain. He was so worried that he'd reinjured it, so we'd called Tom and left him a message to call us back to come over and check on his knee.

"What's up, sweetie?" I asked him, going back to my phone as I was texting Danny.

"Nothing, I just wanted to see you smile at me," Sam crooned, shifting his ice pack on his knee.

I smiled at him, my cheeks warming.

The doorbell rang, and I got up to get it. My stomach turned over, and I grimaced but opened the door. I had to say hi to my brother and his husband and leave them to come in alone while I disappeared to the bathroom. My stomach was so torn up, and it was torture for me. Uneven footsteps came towards the door, and someone knocked very lightly on the door.

"Xavier, sweetheart, are you alright?" It was Sam, and he sounded worried.

"Yeah," I told him, but he didn't leave.

"Do you need anything?" He asked, his weight shifting against the door.

"No. Thank you though. I'll be out in a minute."

He replied with a soft, "Okay."

"Sam, you need to sit down. You're knee is hurting, and it's not good for you to be up on it," I heard Tom say, his voice, though firm, was timid as if Sam was going to defy him.

"Yes, listen to my husband. He's the half-doctor, so," Danny said, pausing for a moment. "Sit down."

Sam laughed. "Put me down," he giggled.

"No, you're going to sit down, and you're going to like it," Danny said, and I assumed he'd picked Sam up.

I was out a few minutes later, but my stomach wasn't doing much better. I collapsed onto the couch, pressing my face into a throw pillow. I was in so much pain, in multiple parts of my body due to the torture I had to go through, and I didn't know how to help myself.

"Honey, are you alright?"

I felt a hand on my back, but I didn't want to roll over. I moaned into the pillow, making at least some noise at my brother.

"Zay, roll over, please," he coaxed, and I did, just because I couldn't breathe.

Sam was curled up in the recliner, holding his ice pack to his knee, and Tom was stroking his hair, trying to soothe him some. I felt incredibly bad for him, wishing that I wasn't sick so I could be in Tom's place. Danny was kneeling next to the couch, and he brushed his knuckle down my cheek.

"Where's your nausea medicine?" He asked me, his voice soft and gentle.

I told him it was in the kitchen, and he got up to get it. I watched Sam and Tom to distract myself. It was pitiful to see how much pain Sam was in. He looked at me, and then looked at Tom.

"What is it?" Tom crooned in a whisper, his lips touching to Sam's forehead.

"I want to sit with Xavier," Sam mumbled, looking back at me.

"No, sweetheart, stay over there. You'll be more comfortable there than sharing a couch with me," I told him, and he scowled at me. I grinned at him.

Danny came back with a glass of Coke and my medicine. I took one of the pills, and Danny sat on the floor next to the couch. I ran my fingers through his hair, the curls soft against my skin, and I saw him smile to himself.

"It's like they're our kids. We're split up taking care of each of them," Danny mused, and Tom grinned.

"Well sorry if we're 'splitting you up' because we're sick," I teased them.

"We didn't say it was a bad thing," Tom said, and I gave him a look.

Sam shifted closer to Tom, wanting his attention back. I understood completely. He didn't get much attention from his family anymore. His mom was working almost all the time, he was here with me, his dad wasn't in the picture at all, and his sister was living in her apartment and trying to start her career. So he came to my family for the attention he still needed, and we gave it to him—no questions asked. Sure, he was considered an adult, but even adults need attention. And he was still a kid on the inside. He was only twenty-two which could barely pass as being an adult. Tom didn't deny him, and stroked his cheek. They were the two that were most lost in the Smith family drama since they were still—even after almost eleven and four years around us—adjusting to the change. They'd come from little families with only one other sibling, so they were completely new to the whole five sibling thing.

It was almost dinner time once my nausea had calmed enough for me to stand up straight—I hunched over and walked bent over when my stomach hurt—and Sam was able to put weight on his knee. He still limped, but he wasn't in as much pain. We sat in the kitchen with my mom while she made dinner, and we could hear Tom and Danny laughing in the family room. There was a loud thump, and someone cursed. It sounded like Tom since it was soft and tentative—he didn't like to curse. Danny laughed, but asked him if he was okay; I couldn't hear Tom's reply.

Sam and I peeked into the family room to check on them, and they were on the floor together, Danny on his hands and knees over Tom. They weren't doing anything but talking and kissing. They were staying for dinner, but they were a little occupied at the moment. So Sam and I went back to sit at the island and kept my mom company.

_**-o-**_

I got a text from Robyn asking if Sam and I wanted to come over to his house to hang out with him and Riley. I asked Sam, and he agreed it would be fun. So I told Robyn that we'd be over in about ten minutes. We put his address into Sam's GPS in his car, and we were there in fifteen minutes since we got lost when we made a wrong turn. It took a lot considering we had a GPS.

When Robyn opened the door, he grinned at us. He was always glad to see us for some reason we didn't know. "Hey, come in, but I have to warn you of something—"

He was cut off when someone called his name. He sighed, looking down for a second before looking back at us with an apologetic smile.

"—I have two gay dads," he finished, looking towards the dining room that connected to the kitchen as a man of about forty-five with dark hair that was starting to grey stepped into the doorway that connected the two rooms. "Hi, dad, this is Xavier and Sam. We met them at chemotherapy."

"Nice to meet you," he said, coming to the door to meet us. "I'm Dean."

Robyn shut the door, throwing the lock back into place out of habit, while we shook hands with his dad. Robyn led us through the foyer to the living/family room where Riley laid on the couch, dozing. The room had a doorway to the kitchen and three fourths of the wall in between was gone to show the kitchen with a small ledge on the remaining wall. The couch Riley was on was up against the wall. We walked into the kitchen where Sam and I met Robyn's other dad, Caleb. Caleb had blond hair that was graying at his temples. He had a tattoo on his left upper arm that sometimes peeked out from underneath his T-shirt sleeve. They were very sweet, and it was adorable to see them being affectionate with their son.

Riley padded into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes, while Sam, Robyn, and I sat at the kitchen table. We had glasses of sweet tea, and were talking just about anything while Dean and Caleb made lunch. We'd been asked if we wanted lunch, and graciously accepted. Riley got some tea from the fridge, and as Dean got something from the fridge as well, he left a kiss on Riley's forehead. Riley sat down next to Robyn, and they kissed lightly.

"Ow, damn it!" Dean cursed, and then looked over at us. "Sorry."

"What happened, sweetie?" Caleb asked him, going up to him as he ran his hand under cold water.

"Cut my finger," he told his partner, leaning against the sink. He got some paper towels and wrapped them around his finger and held them in his hand to keep pressure on his cut.

Caleb finished cutting the head of lettuce into wedges for the wedge salad we were having for lunch while Dean waited for his cut to stop bleeding. Once it did stop bleeding, he put Neosporin on the almost gash and put a bandage on it. He kissed Caleb's neck, nuzzling close for a moment before pulling away. He got a package of bacon bits from the fridge, and plates from the cabinet.

Sam laced his fingers with mine, and leaned in for a kiss. Sam, Robyn, Riley, and I talked for a little while before Caleb and Dean brought our plates over. The wedges of lettuce had bleu cheese dressing drizzled on it with bacon bits sprinkled over the entire thing.

"Oh wow, that looks so good," Sam commented when they sat the plates down in front of us.

"Thank you, its Riley's favorite," Dean told us as he and Caleb took their places at ends of the table.

"Do you stay here often?" I asked Riley, and he looked up at me from his salad.

He looked very tired. "I live here, actually. My parents divorced when I was thirteen, and then when I met Robyn, my mom went to rehab for alcohol addiction and I didn't know where my dad was. I still don't know where my dad is, and I don't talk to my mom. I was living with a friend when Robyn asked if I could live here. Caleb and Dean were very gracious to let me live here, and I am so grateful that they have given me so much without asking for anything in return."

Robyn rubbed Riley's back, smiling at his dads.

"We couldn't leave you without a family. You deserve to have someone who loves you unconditionally," Caleb told him, and Riley smiled weakly.

"You mean a lot to Robyn, so you mean a lot to us. Anyone who can make our son this happy is more than just a blessing. You're a son to Caleb and I, and you're very important to us," Dean said, looking from his partner to Robyn and Riley.

We kept up conversation while we ate our salads, and I instantly loved Robyn's family. His dads were the most unselfish and loving parents I'd ever met. All they wanted was for their son to be happy and safe. Once he was those things, they were content to just sit back and help him get his bearings in life. Even though you physically learn to walk and steady yourself on the ground, you are never really steady in life mentally and emotionally. You have to constantly muster up enough courage to chase your dreams, or you have to have the strength to keep your opinions and your feelings inside to please others.

It was a very enjoyable lunch. Robyn gave us a little tour of the house while Riley stayed in the kitchen with Caleb and Dean. When we came down the back stairway by Riley's "room" (he usually slept in Robyn's room with him) that opened up into the kitchen, Riley's head was resting his head on his arms while Dean and Caleb sat on either side of him at the island. Caleb scratched his short fingernails down Riley's spine, and Riley arched his back into the feeling. He liked it. I guess he'd been around them so much that they'd memorized everything that he liked and didn't like as if he was their actual child.

"What's the matter?" Robyn asked, touching Riley's back gently.

"My stomach hurts," Riley told him, and turned around to get something out of the fridge.

The island's stools were so close to the fridge you could easily reach into the fridge—just not very far—without getting up. Riley got a can of Sprite out of the fridge, asking Robyn very nicely to get him a cup. Robyn got him a cup, and Riley filled it with ice from the icemaker in the freezer door. He poured the Sprite over the ice, but he couldn't get the carbonation to his stomach fast enough. He jumped off his stool, almost knocking it over, and got to the bathroom just in time before he was sick.

Sam and I got out of the way just fast enough as Robyn took off after him. Caleb went to help them, but Dean stayed back. I could tell he wanted to help, but he didn't…or couldn't.

"I have somewhat of a weak stomach," Dean told Sam and me, smiling meekly.

Sam pulled one of the chairs out at the kitchen table—that Robyn had sat in across from Sam and next to Dean—and I sat down. He stood next to me as we talked with Dean. All he really wanted to talk about—the poor guy—was his son and his partner, because that's all that mattered to him. So I asked the questions I had, because the only fathers I'd had in my life were my brothers, and I didn't get to see the everyday and they hadn't had twenty plus years to raise a child.

"Robyn, he's strong and brave and yet he's one of the most passionate lovers I've ever met. He gets his bravery and strength from Caleb, but he gets his shyness and the timid part of his personality from me. I'm Robyn's biological father, but Caleb has influenced him just as much as I have," Dean told us, glancing at a picture of Robyn hanging on the wall next to the sliding glass door that went out onto a deck.

"How did you decide who would be the biological father?" Sam asked, finally sitting down next to me.

Dean looked at the bathroom for a moment, and we both looked as well. Caleb had Riley in his arms and was carrying him to the couch. Robyn came into the kitchen and got his Sprite. Dean looked back at us.

"Caleb's sterile. He was unable to have children so I was the only possible way for us to have Robyn. Even though I'm his biological father, Caleb has had just as good a relationship as I have had with him. Granted, I was the one who stayed at home with Robyn while he was a baby and then when he was growing up. I quit my job when he was born, which was the best day of our lives, and Caleb worked even harder to make money for us. He had a great job, and mine hadn't been the best so I was the stay at home dad. It was the best time of my life, to not have to get up every morning for anything but to take care of my baby boy."

Sam and I smiled at Dean. It was so great to hear that Robyn had such loving parents. To hear of Riley's negligent parents and then to hear of Robyn's attentive parents, it was shocking to see the difference in how much parents could interfere with their child's life.

"Dean, sweetheart, are you telling them our story?" Caleb asked his partner, leaning down to kiss Dean as he passed him.

"Yes, I am. And by the looks of it, they're enjoying it," Dean joked, and put his chin in his hands as he watched his partner put dishes in the dishwasher.

It was the everyday things that were sometimes the sweetest or the most meaningful.


	23. Time

_**Late December**_

Time was our friend, but it was also our enemy. Just like Riley, my cancer didn't respond to chemotherapy, and by December I was weaker than ever before. I was so sick, and I was so scared. Sam tried to be strong for me, but I found him many times seeking comfort from my brother and brother-in-law. He had no one but my family since his family fell apart.

It was Christmas morning when we were all up and opening presents. We were almost half-way through when I got up, very carefully, to get something to drink. But I didn't make it to the kitchen. I had to hold onto the wall to steady myself. I got very dizzy very fast, and I lost my balance. My ear was hurting, and I tried to touch it. Sam jumped up, and was at my side in an instant. My family all started to get up, worried about me.

I held onto Sam's shoulders, looking at him.

"What is it, sweet boy? What's wrong?" He asked me, smoothing his hand over my head.

"My ear hurts, and I'm very dizzy," I told him in a breathy whisper.

He nodded, pulling me a little closer. He looked to my family, and my mom took charge of giving everyone orders. Since Ashley and Carrie were pregnant, and Nicole was pregnant and had three kids, they and their husbands were to stay home. Tom and Danny, against Danny's will, were told to stay as well.

I laid my head on Sam's shoulder in the car. I was tired, and hated that I always had to go to the emergency room. It was always me or Sam that was in trouble and had to go to the hospital. It was about an hour or so later that a doctor finally saw me. I had a severe middle ear infection, and I was dehydrated. The latter was due to my not having anything to drink since last night because my drink run had been interrupted.

So I was hooked up to an IV, while my doctor from the oncology floor was on her way downstairs. Sam sat in a chair while my mom stood beside him next to my cot. The curtain was pulled back just as I laid my head back on my pillow, exhausted, and wished I could just go home. My doctor smiled at me, and I resisted the urge to grimace or scowl at her. She wanted to do a quick CT scan just to check on my progress (if there was any) and I really couldn't say no.

It was another couple of hours when I learned that I had gotten worse, and needed a bone marrow transplant. Mom called my siblings, telling them to get over here as fast as possible. They all needed blood tests to find who was a match. I was miserable, and Sam could see it. I was admitted into the hospital, put in a room, and promptly burst into tears. Sam sat on the edge of my bed, and tried to comfort me as best he could. He had gotten a lot quieter since I first was diagnosed. He was more timid, and he was tired a lot of the time; more so than when he had insomnia.

Sam lay on the bed with me, even though he was told not to by several nurses. I finally snapped at one when she started to say something to Sam again about being in the bed with me, and they left us alone. I buried my face in Sam's shoulder, and his hand came up to cradle my head.

It was two more hours before all my siblings had had their blood tests. They were all in the waiting room, even Nicole though she couldn't really give me any bone marrow since she was pregnant, and we were all waiting for the results. They'd left the girls with Ashley, Carrie, and Kyle at the house. It was another half an hour until we got the results. Aaron was my only match. He agreed to the procedure immediately, with such swiftness that it unnerved the nurses. He was my big brother, what was he supposed to do, say no? I don't think so.

It took a couple more hours to get Aaron prepped for his part of the procedure, which entailed a painfully large needle being inserted into his hip, but he wasn't worried. He just wanted me to be well again. Though it seemed that it lasted forever, Aaron's procedure was only one or two hours and he was in recovery where Mom went to check on him. I was then moved to isolation, which I wasn't very happy about but was mandatory, and my transplant began.

It took almost five hours for all of the marrow to make it to my blood stream, but I was in isolation for a couple more days. I could have visitors, but they had to put on a protective gown, gloves, and a mask. Sam was the first to come see me. He sat outside my room all the time and I could see him through the huge bay window that he usually sat against on the bench outside. Many times he sat facing the room, and our eyes would meet as we looked at each other. All we wanted was to be with each other again. Even with the yellow gown and mask, and gloves on, he still took my breath away. His beautiful blue eyes sparkled with a smile since I couldn't actually see his lips pull up into that smile that I loved. He held my hand, and I smiled up at him.

When I finally got out of isolation and was allowed to go home, I was so excited. Aaron's hip didn't hurt, but we could very faintly find a spot where the needle was most likely inserted. He said that his hip hurt like someone had shot him when he woke up and then a few days after. I just laughed, and thanked him. He told me that he didn't need to thank me and that it was his job to take care of me.

_**-o-**_

_**Three Weeks Later**_

I rested as much as possible, my energy still not up to par, and it was mid-to-late January that I got the call I'd been waiting for.

Danny had gotten me a white iPhone 3GS for Christmas, since I was so jealous of his and Tom's. And when it rang on the coffee table I sat up to get it. Sam was currently touching his toes, stretching before he went to teach his dance classes, but he stood up when my phone rang.

"Hello?" I said, looking at Sam as he came to sit next to me on the couch.

"Is this Xavier Smith?" A familiarly formal voice asked.

"Yes."

"Well, Xavier, I have some very good news. I just got your latest CT scan back and it looks like you are in remission. You have no evidence of disease. Congratulations."

I was speechless. I forced out a weak, "Thank you," and hung up. Sam looked very worried, and braced himself for the worst. But when I turned to him, smiling like an idiot, he started to smile too.

"What did they say?" He asked.

"I'm in remission. I have no evidence of disease," I told him, and his smile grew even wider.

We leaped off the couch, suddenly overcome with emotion, and hugged each other. We jumped up and down, practically screaming at the top of our lungs, tears of joy, happiness, and relief starting to flow down our cheeks. We hugged each other so tightly, never wanting to let go, and our cries and screams brought the attention of our family to the family room. It was definitely the best moment of our lives…so far.

We finally told everyone what was so great, and they reacted much the same way. Tom tried to stay back, letting Danny celebrate with his family, but Danny had none of it. He hoisted Tom into his arms, which made Tom grin, and they kissed. It was an empowering and joyful time, and it was to be celebrated accordingly. Sam and I grinned at each other before our lips met with much excitement.

It was cause for a celebration, so my mom made my favorite dinner, and we were all talk the entire night. Our spirits were lifted even higher when I got another call from Robyn and Riley telling us that Riley was cancer-free as well. I'd been worried about Riley, since he had gotten so sick to the point that he could barely make it to chemo. We all worried that the worst would come, and Robyn would lose the love of his life, but Riley pulled through with unmatchable strength and was feeling better than ever.

This year had brought unimaginable happiness already, and it had barely even begun.

_**-o-**_

_**Early February**_

My hair finally started to slowly grow back. Sam loved to feel the peach fuzz that was coming in, and I would never deny him that. It felt good for him to drag his short nails across the skin. As my hair grew back, my scalp itched so Sam was always willing to help me out. Riley and I compared our hair growth progress while Sam and Robyn just laughed at us. Sam and I spent more and more time with Robyn and Riley at Robyn's house with his dads since my house was incredibly boring.

We introduced Caleb and Dean to Danny and Tom who hit it off immediately. They traded parent horror stories, and I could see it helped Danny and Tom to talk about their trial run at parenthood. It helped even more that they could talk to gay dads about it.

My family life didn't change much. Tom finally got a job at the Levi's store about fifteen minutes away. I still caught Danny and Tom during their "sexy time" as Riley liked to put it, but I just laughed about it with Sam later. Seeing Tom and my brother so connected, though, made my situation that much better. It was unmistakable to see the pure, unaltered love in Tom's eyes as my brother made love to him. I would just close their door, leaving them alone, and went to find my own better half. Robyn told us his stories of finding his dads in the throes of their passion but also explained that at this age and having experienced sex with someone he truly loved he didn't mind, and it just showed that they were still very much in love.

Mine and Sam's sex life flourished again after it had dwindled quite a bit with my diagnosis, but we got back to the tender touches during the day and then the friskier romps at night. Our favorite, though, was the love making. Nothing ever compared to that.

_**-o-**_

_**Mid March**_

Robyn had to get his wisdom teeth out just as spring came. He had been complaining of extreme pain in his teeth and jaw, and his dads immediately knew what was wrong. He didn't like surgery at all (he was terrified of needles, and I mean _absolutely_ terrified) so Dean had to practically drag him to get them out. He was the most pitiful thing though when he was at home later that day. We went to visit him, and he was curled up in his dads' bed with Dean. Riley dozed in the very comfortable looking armchair in the corner, and he wasn't disturbed at all by us. Caleb was the one who made endless trips up and down the stairs to get Robyn whatever he needed. Since it was only a few hours after his surgery, Robyn still had some trouble swallowing and keeping things in his mouth. When he tried to drink something, with Dean's help, he ended up with his drink all over his shirt, and Caleb had to get him a clean one. He was still a little bit loopy from the anesthetic so he apologized with the saddest look on his face. He was genuinely upset that he'd gotten his shirt wet. Both Dean and Caleb laughed sympathetically, kissing his forehead or head, and told him that it was okay.

"I didn't mean to," Robyn whimpered, and Caleb tried not to laugh.

"I know, pumpkin, I know you didn't mean to. We're not upset. Its fine, I promise," Caleb assured him, and Robyn nodded a little.

Dean coaxed his son to lean against the headboard and some pillows since he was starting to sway from sitting up. He leaned back, looking more comfortable, and relaxed. As he woke up a little more, he talked more coherently with us, but then his mouth started to hurt. Dean had him take one of his pain pills, which eventually knocked him out. He slept against Dean, pressed so close that Dean could barely move without jostling Robyn in some way. Riley woke up, and greeted us with a sleepy smile. Riley, Sam, and I decided to let Robyn sleep, and went downstairs. But not before witnessing some affection from Robyn's dads. Caleb came back into the room, this time with a drink for Dean, and stroked Robyn's messy hair as he slept against Dean's torso. Dean looked up at his partner, and I could see nothing but love in his brown eyes.

"Honey, why don't you go lay down in Robyn's room? You look exhausted. You've been up since six this morning," Dean told Caleb, who looked beyond exhausted.

Caleb shook his head. "I'm fine, I promise. If I get tired, I'll lie down, but I'm fine."

Dean gave his partner a look that told him not to mess with the paternal side of him. Caleb sighed at him, and stroked Dean's hair.

"Okay. I'll go lie down in Robyn's room, but if you or Robyn needs anything come get me. Okay?"

"Okay. I will, I promise," Dean said, smiling up at Caleb.

Caleb leaned down, and his and Dean's lips met softly. When they pulled away, Caleb smoothed Dean's hair back, left a kiss on Robyn's head, and pecked Dean one more kiss before he left. Downstairs, Riley got something to drink, and offered us something. We all sat on the couch, watching TV, and just talked. Everything was so much easier now without cancer looming over my head.

We spent the day there, and we were allowed to stay for dinner if we wanted to. We accepted and I sent my mom a text that we were eating there. Robyn came downstairs, still tired and in pain, but kept up a little bit of conversation with us. We ordered pizza, and once it got there Robyn was already whining and complaining about wanting to eat it though he wasn't allowed to. Once Caleb sternly told him that he couldn't have it, he sat in his chair and dejectedly ate his Jell-O cup. Caleb watched him, and bit his lip for a moment.

"Robyn," he prompted, and Robyn looked up at him. Caleb smiled at him. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"It's okay. I can't eat hard foods. I've been told a lot. You were just trying to look out for me. You're my dad; it's what you're supposed to do," Robyn said, his voice soft.

Caleb's smile widened. "I just don't want you to hurt yourself."

Robyn nodded, but he still seemed a bit sad.

"Robyn?" Caleb inquired, and Robyn looked at him again. "I love you."

Robyn finally smiled, and it was genuine. "I love you too."

Everything was better now. Robyn was more content, and I saw him and Caleb hug tightly after dinner. Caleb changed when he interacted with Robyn or Dean. No matter who was around, he would never deny his son or partner affection if they wanted it. He acted as if he would hug his son or kiss his partner forever. Sam and I stayed for a little longer, until Robyn couldn't keep his eyes open and his mouth began to ache again. We left Robyn with get well kisses to his forehead, and Riley walked with us to the door while Robyn and Dean went upstairs. Caleb came to the door as well, and waved to us as we drove away.


	24. Edition

Danny's hand found its way underneath Tom's shirt, rubbing his back. Tom looked pitiful, his face swollen and puffy and his sinuses congested with mucus. He looked so tired and so miserable. My brother always took good care of him, but it was still sad to see him so sick. Our lives were being turned upside down, but it was nothing our family couldn't handle. The flu was easy; cancer was another story.

"Baby, come here," Danny crooned, and Tom shifted to sit curled up against his husband's chest. Danny still rubbed his back, trying to ease the aching pain in his bones and muscles.

It seemed to work, because Tom, after two hours and a handful of medicine, finally dozed off. Danny seemed to relax as well once Tom was asleep, and he held him close as if to continue to comfort him. Danny closed his eyes, his hand coming up to cradle Tom's head in his hand, and left a kiss on his forehead. He stroked his husband's hair, his eyes still closed, and let out a long breath.

"Danny, are you okay?" Nicole asked him, sitting on the floor while she put some pictures in a scrapbook.

Danny opened his eyes, I could see how tired he looked, and he looked at our sister. Sam came and sat down on the love seat next to me, giving me a few peanut butter crackers from the box he had in his lap.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Danny said, looking down at his sleeping husband.

"You look exhausted, Danny. Take Tom upstairs and lay down. Both of you could use some rest," Nicole suggested.

"I'm not tired, Nicky. I don't want to risk waking him up. He didn't sleep at all last night," Danny explained.

Nicole left him alone, knowing that he was cranky and didn't want to be bothered. He was happy just to hold Tom while he slept, and he was content that way. My brother just wanted everyone else to be happy even if he suffered. He finally dozed off after he shifted to sit more comfortably on the couch, and he slept with his husband cradled against his chest. We all gathered for dinner, leaving Tom and Danny to sleep, but they came in a little later. They got their food and went to eat in the living room, but when Danny came back in with their plates, Tom's was barely touched.

The family room quickly filled with our family (that what it's there for, right?), and Sam and I took our spots on the love seat. Sam pulled me onto his lap, shifting so I lay in between his legs sideways on the love seat, and we relaxed. It was so easy to relax now. We felt so blessed, having gotten a new lease on life after the scare that fall brought us, and our lives were more precious to us than ever. Danny sat on the end of the couch, Tom's head in his lap, and ran his fingers through Tom's hair. Tom eventually pushed Danny's hands away, wanting him to stop, so Danny did. Instead, my brother's fingers found his husband's waist. Tom peered up at Danny, his eyes tired and dark, and Danny jerked his hands back, folding them in between his and Tom's bodies.

"Sorry," he whispered, ashamed.

Tom smiled, reaching up with a slightly shaky hand to cup Danny's cheek. "It's fine. I was just looking at you."

Danny smiled tightly. Tom pushed himself up, groaning a little, and I could see his slight frame shake a little at the exertion of energy. Danny sat still while Tom shifted to sit in Danny's lap. My brother's arms wound around Tom's waist, and Tom rested his head on Danny's shoulder. It was sweet even though Tom was so sick, sniffling and shivering in his husband's arms.

_**-o-**_

After a week or so, Robyn was his usual, energetic self. His fathers had relished the days Robyn was sated and calm since they could barely keep up with him now. He had two sides to him: a shy, submissive side he got biologically from Dean, and a vivacious, unafraid side he developed from Caleb. But he was naturally more dominant and outgoing, and he couldn't change that. Sam and I walked into Robyn's house, the door had been unlocked, and found his dads on the couch, watching what was on the TV. They looked up at us when we came in, smiling.

"Hi there; long time no see. Robyn's upstairs with Riley. We're not sure what they're doing, but I'm sure they're being good," Caleb told us, his hand poised on Dean's waist.

Dean was curled up against Caleb's side, who was sitting against the arm of the sofa, and they looked completely relaxed and comfortable. I glanced at the TV while Sam said something about not seeing them in a while and thank you. A home movie was paused on the TV, and I smiled when the stilled picture was of Caleb holding Robyn as a baby. It was adorable. When Sam's fingers intertwined with mine, I looked back at him, Caleb, and Dean.

Sam and I went to find our friends, who were making out on Robyn's bed. Riley squealed, thinking we were Caleb and Dean, and almost fell off the bed. We all laughed, Robyn trying to comfort his embarrassed boyfriend, and Sam and I pushed the door shut halfway. Sam and I sat in Robyn's bean bag chairs on the floor, my feet in Sam's lap, while Riley continued to blush and not look at us from his spot in between Robyn's legs. He was still ashamed of being caught kissing. Robyn noticed this and groaned, straightening Riley's T-shirt out.

"Sweetheart, relax. It's not a bad thing to be caught kissing. It's a bad thing to be caught having sex, but kissing is nothing. Besides, Sam and Zay don't care," Robyn crooned, trying to soothe him.

Riley just brought one shoulder up, shifting a little closer to Robyn. He looked for his hat, a red and black buffalo check toboggan, and finally found it. Robyn kissed the back of Riley's head just before he tugged his hat on. Once he was settled with his hat on, Robyn kissed his head again, and then found his cheek for another kiss. Dean was right; Robyn was one of the most passionate lovers.

"So, Sam, you're a dancer, correct?" Robyn asked him, his chin resting on Riley's shoulder.

Sam smiled, and nodded. "I am; have been since I was…um, probably six or so."

"That's so cool," Riley chirped, finally picking his head up once the spotlight was off of him.

"Right? It's amazing. I love to watch him dance," I said, and I could see Sam blush faintly but smile.

"You should come to the dance studio that I work at. I teach dance classes there, and you could see me and the spazzy teen girls dance. It's hysterical," Sam told them, laughing.

"It is. Some of them are good dancers, but then some of the good ones are evil and catty. But there are ones that actually listen to Sam and do what they're told without giving him sass."

Sam laughed, agreeing with me, and I saw him twirl his ring around his finger. Robyn and Riley noticed, and I saw them look for a ring on my finger. I smiled at them, holding up my left hand.

Robyn smiled tightly. "Sorry. I've been thinking about getting Riley a ring, and I didn't know that you two had rings."

Sam smiled. "I gave him his ring about a year or so ago. Then he gave me one last June after we graduated."

Robyn smiled wider, and his hands rubbed Riley's waist. "You guys aren't married, are you?"

I laughed. "No, we're just…committed to each other. We're not partners or lovers or husbands, we're just boyfriends that are solely committed to one another and no one else."

_**-o-**_

Sam and I celebrated his April 1st birthday by staying in bed the entire day, making love and not getting up unless we desperately had to. He told me it was the best birthday he'd ever had, just being able to be in bed with me and not worry about anything. My mom just left us alone, knowing we had been through a lot in the past months. Sam thoroughly enjoyed having me to himself, considering I was his present for the most part.

We were having dinner with our families that evening, and I had him front row concert tickets to Adam Lambert's concert in Atlanta. He wanted to go so badly, but he thought that it couldn't happen due to all the hospital visits we'd had and our slight money issue. I had originally asked Danny to help me pay for them, but instead he called Adam and got me the tickets for free along with backstage passes for Sam and me, and him and Tom.

Sam was beyond thrilled when I gave them to him, and he made love to me with so much emotion that night that it felt as if we were one person.

_**-o-**_

About more or less a week after Sam's birthday, Nicole went into labor and we were blessed with a nephew named Tristan Levi. We asked Nicole and Kyle why they tortured their children so with their odd or different names, but really we liked the names.

Later on in April, Tom's sister-in-law went into labor and Tom was the first to hold his niece, Penelope Aurora. That made Tom so full of joy to finally have a niece from his brother and sister-in-law. He'd accepted the fact that they were never going to have children, so this was a welcome shock.

In May, Ashley went into labor five days before Carrie did. Ashley gave us a baby girl named Maria Lillian, and Carrie had a boy named Jack Grayson.

We were all glad to have new editions to our ever growing family, and it was great to have babies around again.

_**-o-**_

Danny held his new little buddy Tristan while he drank from a bottle. All of the babies, and the triplets, were and had been breast fed but also were fed through bottles with either formula or pumped breast milk. Sam had Jack, who was enthralled with Sam's smile, and I smiled at them as Jack laughed while Sam bounced him.

"He likes you," I joked, and Sam laughed.

"He does. I don't know why." Sam laughed at Jack as he chewed on his fist.

"It's because you're so beautiful," I told him, and Sam looked at me with a loving smile.

We pecked each other a kiss and Jack giggled at us. He knew what was going on…kind of. Aaron took Jack from us when he needed to be fed, and Sam curled up with me. We were having a sort of powwow at my mom's house. All of my siblings were here, their spouses, my boyfriend, and Tom's brother and sister-in-law were here. Tom was holding Penelope, almost never letting her parents hold her, but Jasper and Annabelle were grateful for him wanting to hold her so much because they needed to relax.

Tom sat down next to his husband, and Danny smiled, stroking Penelope's wispy blonde hair that matched her mother's. Danny looked tired, and I wondered if he was just now getting sick from Tom, who was sick two months ago. Tristan fell asleep against Danny's chest, where he was almost always laying, and Danny looked down at him with nothing but the love of an uncle.

"Ugh, I just want to take him home with me, and keep him for myself. He's just so precious, and warm, and snuggly," Danny told Tom, who grinned.

"He is precious, and he's the quietest and sweetest little baby I've ever seen. He barely cries, and he loves to snuggle," Tom said as he gave his brother Penelope.

Danny wrapped his free arm around Tom as his husband shifted closer. Tom laid his head on my brother's shoulder, watching Tristan sleep against Danny's chest, and Danny kissed Tom's forehead. His face changed when Tom cuddled up to his side. I could see the exhaustion leave his features, and he looked as if he was in heaven. He could have sat there with his nephew and husband forever, and wouldn't be able to complain.


	25. Dive

_Tom_

I sat underneath my husband's arm on the couch at Danny's mom's house as we watched a show about military divers. Danny cringed and sat tensed as we watched a segment that the divers had to stay on the bottom of a pool as instructors dove underwater and continually yanked their breathing devices out of their mouths. This was mimicking the rough and unpredictable conditions of the ocean. The divers had to stay calm under the anxiety of being without air for an amount of time and had to regain their oxygen source before an instructor came back down to do it again. The divers couldn't touch the bottoms of their feet to the bottom of the pool or else they failed since that shows the signs of beginning to surface. Each time it got more and more difficult, until the final test that couldn't be filmed. The instructors had to disable the divers' air tanks and the divers had to regain their air supply before they passed out. If the diver did pass out, the instructors would go down to revive the diver and then they had to continue to fix their tank.

Danny was freaking out by the last test, but I was calm, and just laughed at him.

"Did you have to do that?" He asked me, anxiety coursing through him.

"No, sweetheart," I laughed, reaching up to cup my hand around his jaw. "I could have if I'd wanted to know how to dive, but I didn't have to. That was one of the only choices I got in the Army."

He relaxed a little bit, knowing the love of his life hadn't had to endure the test that was currently scaring the crap out of him.

"But, I did know quite a few guys who did do that. They were so brave. One in fact, don't flip out, constantly tried to flirt with me. I was young, and I was confused, so I didn't do anything. I just tried to ignore him even though he was so pushy."

Danny wasn't angry that I told him about a guy who'd taken an interest in me in the beginning of my military career. He'd learned that it was better for us to talk about any of our past relationships or, in my case, past flirts. He'd learned that the hard way, and he regretted having to learn it that way. So he relaxed any time I brought up someone who took an interest in me. We enjoyed laughing it off, and he loved showing me that I was only his and that only he could have me.

Danny's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he shifted me so he could get to it. He texted someone a few times and did some other things on his phone, but he never took his other arm from around me even though he was right-handed. He would occasionally kiss my head or his arm would wind tighter around me, but he focused mainly on his phone. He loved having an iPhone like I did because he could do so much with such a little device.

We ate dinner with his mom, Xavier, and Sam, and stayed for a few more hours before heading home. We both went to bed early since I had to get to work early the next morning and I could tell Danny didn't feel good. It was odd for him to go to bed at nine-thirty, but he was out as soon as his head hit the pillow. I fell asleep soon after that, so warm against my husband.

I woke up at around two-thirty, having slept for roughly five hours, and saw Danny on the couch. He had a box of tissues on his left side and the trashcan from by the bed on his right. Our fuzzy blue blanket was draped over his shoulder, and he was snuggled down in it. The TV cast a changing glow on him, and he sniffed. He cleared his throat as I sat up in bed, and my movement startled him. I smiled, and crawled from our bed.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I just woke up," I said, walking over to him.

I leaned down, only slightly, and left a kiss on his head, stroking his curls. His hair was getting a little long, but I loved it like that. He wiped his nose with a tissue, blowing his nose, and leaned his head back to look at me.

"I don't feel good," he whimpered, his voice congested and pitiful.

"Aww, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I'll get you some medicine, okay? I'll be right back," I told him, kissing his forehead before he leaned back up.

I got him some Nyquil and a few more Tylenol and got him some Coke. He put his tissues on his other side and let me sit down next to him. He swaddled me in the blanket with him, and even though it was almost three in the morning we snuggled together on the couch watching whatever we could find on TV.

I eventually got him to sleep, though that was with his head in my lap, my fingers running soothingly through his curls. He was curled up in a tiny ball on the couch, which was not big enough for him to stretch out on even without me on it too. Since there was no way to get up without waking him up, I tried to make myself as comfortable as possible and dozed off on the couch as well.

When we woke up, I had a horrible neck ache and Danny's back and legs were cramped up, but we both didn't complain about the way we slept. Danny called in sick to the restaurant, and I got him to lie down in the bed, somehow digging out our other TV from a box across the apartment and setting it up in front of the bed. I wanted him to rest but still be able to watch TV if he wanted to. He didn't eat breakfast, but I scarfed some cereal before kissing him goodbye and bolting for work.

I was only a few minutes late, but I explained that my partner (I didn't give away a he or she) was sick and I had had to take care of them before I could come in. My boss brushed it off, saying he didn't really care, and I got to work. It was boring work, just organizing the displays, folding jeans to be put on said displays, and then I had my lunch break. I called Danny to check on him.

"Hello?" My husband's voice was rough and raspy, his throat was obviously hurting.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" I asked him, keeping my voice sweet and crooning.

Danny groaned softly, shifting against fabric, and finally sighed. "Like crap. I can't eat anything because my stomach is hurting so bad, and I can't breathe at all through my nose. My throat is raw, and I have a cough. How's work?"

"It's boring, but I'm getting paid eight bucks any hour so I can't really complain. You can take a few more Tylenol I guess, but I don't think it's time for you to take anymore cold medicine. I love you."

Danny chuckled quietly, his voice betraying how tired he was. "I love you too, angel. I can't wait to see you. What time do you get off?"

"Not until four. But I'll hurry home as fast as I can, I promise. Listen, my lunch break's almost over, so I have to go. Maybe if I cut my lunch short I can get off early. I love you."

Danny sighed heavily. "I love you too. See you in a couple of hours."

"Take a nap for me, okay, sweetie? And I'll be home before you know it."

My husband chuckled softly again. "Okay. I'll try. Bye."

"Bye, sweetheart."

I hung up, wishing that I didn't have to. But I was right, since I cut my lunch short my boss let me go at three instead of four. I drove as fast as I possibly could, stopping at the grocery store to get Danny his favorite soups, and still made it home before three-forty five.

Danny was dozing peacefully in our bed, stretched out on his belly as always, and I smiled, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead. He was still in his underwear, on top of the covers, but now he was shivering. He made little, pitiful whimpers in his sleep that yanked hard at my heartstrings. I adored the times when he was vulnerable or needed me for anything. If he couldn't find his phone or his rings, I was in heaven to help him find them. So I picked up our fuzzy blue blanket from the floor where he'd kicked it, and covered him up.

He woke up about a half an hour or so later, sitting up with an irritated groan. He blew his nose, throwing his tissue in his almost full trashcan, and scowled. I sat on the couch, drinking from a glass of Coke, and he shakily got up. He was weak, and he was chilled from his fever. He wrapped up in our blanket, padding over to the couch. He sat down next to me, curling up.

"What time did you get home?" He asked, leaning in to kiss my temple.

"Three-forty five. My boss let me off at three and I stopped at the grocery store," I said, smiling at him. I reached up, and stroked his jaw, feeling the stubble there.

He only nodded, his warm brown eyes drooping. His face was pale save for his cheeks which were a bright scarlet. I touched the backs of my fingers to his cheek, checking his fever. He leaned away from my hand.

"Baby, you're so warm. Here, let me get you something to bring your fever down." I got up, letting him drink the rest of my Coke, and got him something more to drink and some ibuprofen. I also found our thermometer, and took his temperature. "100 exactly," I read to him, and he just curled up more in his blanket and whimpered up at me.

I got us both something more to drink, and Danny took his medicine. When I sat down, I opened my arms for my husband, and he snuggled closer to me. With my left arm on the back of the couch, Danny laid his head on my shoulder. He finally relaxed, and I held him as he fought to stay awake. I stroked the hair at the nape of his neck and on the back of his head, trying to get him to nod off.

"Sweetheart, close your eyes and go to sleep. You're obviously exhausted," I told him, keeping my voice low and soothing.

He sat back, and let out a shattered cough. He shifted to get up, but I reached for his hand.

"I'm going to lie down in the bed. I don't want to end up falling asleep on you and trapping you on the couch again," he said, his voice rough and pained.

I let his hand go. "Okay. If you need anything, just come get me. Do you want anything to eat? I got you some soup before I came home."

He shook his head, grimacing. "I'm not hungry. My stomach isn't feeling so good. Thank you, though. I appreciate it." He kissed my forehead before he got up with his blanket, and went back to bed.

I silently cursed whoever knocked on the door a few hours later. I was warming up some soup for myself, and I looked over at Danny, hoping he didn't wake up. He was still snoozing quietly, so I went to get the door. It was Xavier, Sam, and Nicole with Tristan. Nicole knew Danny was sick, but obviously didn't mind bringing her month old son to see his uncles. Danny was sitting up in bed when I let everyone in, and greeted everyone with a meek smile. But when he saw Tristan, his entire face lit up more than I'd seen in two days. It almost made me sad that I couldn't make him feel that way when he was sick, but his baby nephew could. I didn't dwell on it, because when Nicole took Tristan out of his carrier and let Danny hold him, I couldn't contain my smile seeing my husband so happy after being so sick for the past day.

Danny made sure not to accidentally cough or sneeze on his nephew, but he would not give him up. So I sat behind my husband, rubbing his back, and he finally relaxed. It was sweet to see how Tristan could recognize his favorite uncle, and to see how he and Danny interacted. Nicole let Danny feed his nephew, and once Danny had something to eat, both of them fell asleep. Danny was propped up on pillows, since laying down flat caused him to have more drainage and he couldn't breathe very well, and Tristan rested on Danny's chest. Even though that must have made breathing harder for Danny, he was obviously comfortable holding his nephew while he slept. Nicole couldn't help it, and had to take their picture. She sent it to all of us, and the rest of her siblings.

Sam and Xavier snuggled up to each other on the couch, and it was good to see them so relaxed. They both looked healthier, and a lot happier. When I went over to check on my husband, he shifted as if he wanted to turn over. Tristan was still asleep, but Danny blinked open his eyes as I started to pick Tristan up off his chest. Our nephew was dead asleep, but Danny was awake now. I held Tristan against my chest, and Danny sat up. I stroked his hair, kissing his forehead, and sat down in front of Danny.

"How do you feel?" I asked him, holding one of his hands.

He rubbed at his face, sighing. "Not very good, but I guess that's obvious. How are you? I'm sorry I slept all day."

I smiled, rubbing my thumb across the back of his hand. "I'm fine, just a little tired. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Sure," he whispered, reaching for his cup on the nightstand. "Coke, please. Here, I'll hold him."

I let him take Tristan back from me, which woke him up, but Danny just hushed his soft snuffles of irritation. When I came back to give him his drink, he was play peek-a-boo with Tristan, making our nephew squeal and giggle with delight. I smiled, sitting his drink on the nightstand, and kissed his head.

"I love seeing you with your nieces and nephews. I can't get enough of you when you play with them. It's the cutest, and sexiest, thing I've ever seen. I love it," I told him, and he grinned at me.

"I love being with them. It just makes me so happy to be around them," he explained, and I nodded.

"Well you can keep him anytime you want. Honestly, having the triplets is hard enough, add a baby and that's just beyond difficult. Really, I'll bring one of our Pack 'n Plays over and you can keep it here for when you keep him," Nicole told us, and Danny looked at Tristan for his input.

"What do you think, huh, buddy? You wanna stay with Uncle Danny and Uncle Tom? Would that be fun?" He crooned, his fingers finding Tristan's ticklish waist. Tristan giggled, reaching up for Danny, and he picked him up, hoisting him over his head and laughing.

I looked at Nicole, grinning, and she just laughed. Danny eagerly accepted Nicole's proposition, but we decided that he needed to get over his sickness first. I took off a couple days to take care of my husband, but it would take about two weeks for Danny to fully bounce back.


	26. Burst

_Danny_

I woke up when I practically coughed up one (or both) of my lungs. Tom sat up next to me with a gasp. He bolted from the bed to find me some cough syrup since this coughing was hurting my chest and throat. He sat down on the bed in front of me as I downed my little measuring cup full of syrup followed by some sips of sweet tea. He held one of my hands, and I could see how tired he was. His beautiful grey eyes blinked slowly, and he had trouble keeping his head up.

"Go back to sleep, angel. I'll be okay," I told him, stroking the side of his face.

He blinked quickly, trying to keep his eyes open, and finally nodded. He was wearing only a pair of old low-rise briefs and he pulled the waistband up a little more as he crawled back to his spot and laid down on his belly. I had on a T-shirt and a pair of boxers. I shed my T-shirt, feeling my fever come back. I kissed Tom's head before I stood up to go find something to bring my fever down. I took some ibuprofen and found an icepack in the freezer. With the cloth covering, I could hold the icepack to my chest without it being too cold. I was sweating like crazy, so I found a standing fan, plugged it in, and sat on the couch with the fan pointed at me and holding my icepack. I was finally tired enough to sleep again, and laid on my belly, the fan now moved to the side of the bed, with my icepack nestled on my back. I hoped the fan didn't make Tom too cold, but that thought didn't get processed for very long because I quickly fell asleep again.

I was a lot happier when I woke up at ten-thirty the next morning. I decided that I'd go see my little brother and my mom, so while Tom was at work I threw medicine and tissues and my other stuff into Tom's old Army backpack, and got in my car. A very drowsy Sam opened the door for me when I knocked. He was wearing a big T-shirt, and tiny, very tight spandex-y shorts. His hair was in complete disarray, but he smiled at me.

"Morning," he mumbled, and let me in.

Xavier was curled up on the end of the couch with a mug of what I assumed was hot tea since he loved it. He smiled at me, and I walked over to kiss his head. His hair was growing back nicely, which thrilled him to no end. Sam sat down next to my brother, stealing a soft kiss from him, which made both my brother and I smile.

"Danny, I didn't hear you come in." I looked up when my mom came into the family room from the kitchen. "How are you feeling?"

"A little better, but that'll only last for a little while," I joked.

Once the rest of my siblings got wind that I was still alive and at Mom's, there was no napping downstairs as my family converged for a family dinner. I texted Tom with one hand while I held Tristan in the crook of my other arm, and told him that I was at my mom's and that he should come here when he got off from work.

I was on the brink of dozing off when Tom finally arrived. He apologized multiple times when he realized that he'd woke me up, but I also got a few scolding remarks from him for not staying home and resting. I'd wanted to spend the one day that I felt good enough to get out of the house with my family. When I told him this, he backed off, instead fawning over Tristan as he woke up. I let Tom take him from me while I stood up, and kissed both my nephew's head and my husband's forehead before heading for the bathroom.

My congestion was getting worse, my head was starting to hurt, and my cough was coming back. I took any and all of the medicine Tom told me to take once I came back out, and went to find my family. The triplets were in their booster seats at the table already, eating a snack. They were very talkative, since they were putting together full sentences being four, and we all quieted when Alex started to say something.

"How come Uncle Danny doesn't have a wife?"

All eyes turned to me, and for the first time in my life I blushed hard. I'd never said anything to her about me being gay; I just left that awkward conversation to her parents.

Nicole stepped in to answer the question currently hanging in the air. "Well, sweetheart, that's because he's gay. Uncle Danny doesn't like girls. He likes boys. That's why he married Uncle Tom. He and Uncle Tom love each other very much."

"I thought boys had to like girls?" Beth piped up, and we all mentally smacked ourselves.

I gave Tristan to Xavier, who welcomed the distraction, and Tom took my hand.

"It doesn't matter who you like as long as you're happy. Right, Momma?"

We all froze again when Emilee's soft voice chimed in to her sisters' conversation.

Nicole smiled. "Right, Emmy. That's right."

"Uncle Danny?" Emilee looked to me, her eyes wide with curiosity.

"What is it, sugar bear?" I asked her, my fingers linking with Tom's.

"Do you love Uncle Tom?" Her question was sweet, and it made my family go 'aww' for about twenty minutes.

"I do love him." I looked from my niece to my husband, smiling at him. "I love him very much."

Once the awkward your-uncles-are-gay conversation was over, I could feel my medicine start to kick in and was starting to feel a little better again. I offered to change Tristan's diaper, and got his diaper bag from Nicole. Tom came into the family room with me, sitting on the couch as I kneeled on the floor to change my nephew's diaper. Tristan stayed still once I started talking to him, my voice high, crooning, and sticky sweet. His green eyes were intent as they flickered around the room, and he sucked on his little fist. He was the most precious and most adorable baby that I'd ever seen ever since my youngest brother was born.

"I'll be right back," Tom mumbled, disappearing up the stairs with barely any sound.

I looked after him, worried, but went back to Tristan who was starting to squirm. I distracted him, saying his name in a sugar-coated voice that made him giggle at me. I fixed his diaper, snapped his onesie back on, and picked him up. His smile, so big for someone so small, made me grin back. He was a lot happier and calm when I held him against my chest, packing up his diaper bag. When I walked into the kitchen, Sam was bouncing Jack while Xavier stood next to him and they poured over him. I smiled, and went over to Nicole, who was helping our mom make dinner. I touched her back, and she turned to me, still smiling from something Mom said.

"Can you go upstairs and find Tom? He just kind of stole upstairs and I don't know what's wrong. I think something's wrong that he won't open up to me. I'd ask Sam, but I think it's a bit more complicated, and he loves holding Jack. I'll owe you one if you do this for me." I needed her to do this for me, and hoped she'd say yes.

"Of course, I'll go find him. I understand. You don't owe me. If anything, I still owe you for everything you did for me when we were younger. I'll be right back," Nicole said, touched Tristan's nose, and walked towards the doorway to the family room.

It was a while before Nicole came back, and then a few minutes before Tom finally came down. He sat down at the table next to me, smiling at both me and Tristan, and his hand found my thigh underneath the table. It wasn't until we finally got home that Tom spilled while we undressed for bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed, one of my T-shirts in his hand and only in a pair of trunks, and pulled in a shaky breath.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" I asked him, sitting down on the bed to face him.

He sighed, rubbing his face. "I just—seeing you with Tristan today, you were so happy holding him and changing his diaper, I couldn't handle it. I know that I've told you that I don't want to have any more kids with you, because Emily meant so much to me for such a short period of time that it shattered me to lose her. I just couldn't bear the thought of replacing her, but I know how much being around kids makes you happy. You were _born_ to be a father, but I wasn't. I was born to, I don't know, be a soldier, or a-a husband." Tom looked at me, his big grey eyes full of tears. "And I don't want to make you feel like I don't care about your opinion."

"Oh, sweetie, where did this come from?" I asked him, wiping the tears from his eyes before they could fall.

"When Nicole came up to talk to me tonight. I was, well trying not to cry, but I was thinking about you and Tristan. It made _me_ happy to see you enjoying yourself taking care of Tristan. I loved seeing you so content and yet so ecstatic to be holding a child. Just holding him made your face light up," Tom explained, and I smiled.

"Baby, you don't have to change your mind just because holding my nephew makes me happy. I don't want to force a child on you. That's the last thing I want. I want both of us to make important decisions where both of us want the same thing. I don't want you to be uncomfortable or unhappy with a decision that you settled on. I don't want you to settle. Not at all. That's not what our relationship is about," I tried to soothe him, smoothing his hair down.

I took a deep breath, watching him to gauge his reaction. "I don't want to burst your…newly blown bubble, but we can't afford to have a baby right now. We have enough for the two of us, but not enough to even pay for a box of diapers plus us. I would love for us to have another child, but we can't right now. I really wish we had the money, because I'd love for us to be fathers again, but we just don't."

He sniffled, and nodded, squeezing his eyes closed. A tear leaked down his cheek, being pushed from his tear duct as his eyes closed tightly. I wiped it away, but more followed. My husband gasped for ragged breaths, falling apart right in front of me. I tried to touch his arm, but he jerked away from me. I didn't try to touch him again, knowing it would upset him further if I did. I got up to get him tissues, and he was full out sobbing by the time I sat back down. He took tissue after tissue, blowing his nose, wiping his nose and wiping his tears.

I got the trashcan from next to the bed, and put it in front of him. He almost filled up the half full trashcan before he calmed enough to let me hold him. I leaned back against our pillows and headboard, and he curled up against me. I wrapped my arms all the way around him, holding him as close as possible. I could feel his scar on his shoulder, and traced my finger around the circular mark.

"Stop, please," Tom whispered, his voice weak.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, and brought my hand up to cradle the back of my husband's neck and part of his head. I pressed my lips firmly to his forehead, and he sighed. When a leftover sob bubbled up through his lips, I hushed him with a gentle, "Shhh." He buried his face into the curve of my shoulder, and I held him tighter.

_**-o-**_

Tom laughed when the black Labrador puppy licked his neck. The Siberian husky puppy pranced around my feet, wanting my attention. We were at a local animal rescue to look at the dogs. It had broken my heart to tell him that we couldn't have a baby right now. So I decided to make it up to him with a puppy. We were allowed to have a dog up to fifty pounds, which was amazing for our apartment building, so after asking I'd immediately ushered Tom to the car to bring him to look for our new pet.

What shocked me though, was when Tom said that he wanted to think about it. The volunteer woman asked if we wanted to see the cats, but Tom politely declined and took my hand as we left. He didn't see anything wrong with what he said, and I didn't either, but I didn't know what he was thinking.

"Tom, I thought you wanted a puppy?" I said, turning the radio down as I drove.

"I do, but I want to think about it. I don't want to make a decision too fast," he told me, all seriousness in his voice.

I only nodded, unsure what he was trying to do to me.


	27. Flowers

Xavier's hair was short, but he had hair, by the time June came. He and Sam, who had cut his hair incredibly short for his boyfriend, were ecstatic once Xavier had somewhat of a military cut going on. You still couldn't grip his hair in your hand, but it was obvious that he had hair. He ditched his hat, that he'd grown so emotionally attached to over the months, and he was happier than ever before.

Tom still didn't make a decision about a dog, and he never mentioned children around me again. It made me feel horrible. I felt like I'd hurt him deeply because I'd told him no on kids and tried to get him to get a dog. I almost didn't want to come home from work, knowing he was home and waiting for me, because I didn't want to face what I thought was my husband in pain. I had to go home though, because I'd had to stay late for work until closing for days and I was exhausted.

When I walked into the apartment, it was quiet. Most of the lights were off, except for the light in the kitchen. A note was on the fridge, and I walked over. The heart-shaped Post-It Note, in Tom's handwriting, read: _Saved you some dinner. I was tired so I went to bed. I love you. Tom._ I sighed, blinking back tears, and opened the fridge. Another heart-shaped Post-It greeted me on a Tupperware container. I took the container out and read the note: _Honey mustard chicken pasta w/ peas. Hope you like it._ I sat at the table, eating silently while I read that morning's paper which I hadn't got to read before work. I could hear Tom's soft whimpers and sleepy moans. He might have been in pain somewhere; most likely he had a cramp in his leg, because he was usually quiet while he slept.

The pasta was so good, and I mentally noted to put it on the menu at the restaurant. After I cleaned up my dishes, I grabbed my pajamas and headed to the bathroom. I did my nighttime routine, which both Tom and I had perfected as a couple, and turned off the lights. I felt my way to the bed, turning on my lamp. Tom's tiny body was curled up under the covers, the comforter just folded over him like a blob, and I smiled. He turned over, and his grey eyes blinked open at me.

"Hey, why are you still awake? I thought you were asleep," I said, climbing into bed.

I saw that his eyes were red, puffy, and he had dark circles and bags underneath them. He looked upset. His voice was weak and shaky when he spoke. "I couldn't fall asleep, and I missed you."

That touched me. I lay down next to him and he snuggled up to me. I wrapped my arm around him, kissing his forehead.

"What's the matter?" I asked him, worried. "You look upset."

He gave me a very tired, morbid look. "I'm sorry that I haven't made a decision about a dog, and then I made you feel bad about babies. I haven't been being fair to you."

"Sweetie, it's late. Why don't we talk about this in the morning? And I don't care. I know you've been working a lot, and I understand. It's okay. We can make a decision later, and we'll make it together."

Tom nodded, and I could see his entire body wilt and succumb to his exhaustion. His eyes closed slowly, and his mouth relaxed to fall open a fraction. I held him as he finally dozed off, and eventually fell asleep myself.

_**-o-**_

We did talk about it over breakfast, and Tom was in love with me again though he swears he never stopped loving me. Our one year marriage anniversary was this month, as was my birthday, but my birthday didn't matter as much to me at least. Though we'd only been married for a year, we'd been together for eleven years. It was incredible. I had the longest relationship out of all of my siblings. Xavier's was second at four years with Sam, and then Nicole while Aaron and Leroy tied for last. Or something like that. None of us really competed for that, but it was still gratifying to know that me, the most promiscuous one in the family who no one thought would ever settle down with just one man, had the longest lasting relationship out of my siblings.

Tom was incredibly eager for sex when he came home that night. The way he threw his keys down and looked at me was enough to tell me to strip or he'd do it for me. It was hot the way his mood had changed overnight from tearful and upset to frisky and playful. He laughed when I banged my knuckles on the nightstand trying to get lube, and he was the one to put his feet on my shoulders while I readied him. He was panting hard, his arousal climbing fast, and I knew that if I didn't do something quick he'd take matters into his own hands. Literally. So he slid his legs over my shoulders, raising his hips a little further off the bed and I took control.

He was usually coy with me, his cheeks coloring anytime something explicitly for the bedroom came out of my mouth or his eyes averting when I tried to get him to make a little more noise, but he must have had something boost his confidence over the course of the day because he was completely open with me. He practically begged me to talk dirty to him, and he was so vocal I was worried he'd hurt his throat. I figured out that if I spoke to him, no matter what I said, he reacted with moans and cries and he became even more aroused.

He dropped his legs from my shoulders, placing them on the bed as far apart as he could stand, and coaxed me to give him more. I stroked any part of him I could reach, my voice never silencing unless he was kissing me. I was pleased with myself when he finally came with a soft cry, his entire body locking up before he wilted onto the mattress.

He was always content to let me finish if he came first, and though it made me uncomfortable to "use" him like that, he always prodded me along until I came as well. His soft, lilting voice that betrayed his exhaustion was music to me, and I craved for him to keep speaking. He wrapped himself around me, and though he was done, rocked his hips against mine to keep the friction going as I moved with him. He smiled tiredly, kissing me, when I came, catching my cry in his mouth.

We forced ourselves up, and showered together. Nothing was better than taking a hot shower after making love to the man of your dreams. I adored the feeling of Tom's skin, though flawed as it was with his scars, it was soft, smooth, and perfectly tan. He had a few birth marks that were lighter than his skin, of which I had too though they were darker than my Irish cream pallor, but that just made him more beautiful.

We usually went to the gym together, working off what sex didn't, but that had ceased as we clashed and drifted apart. After we made up, it was back to the usual routine. We would go to work, parting with a sweet kiss that always left me wanting more, talk on the phone over Tom's lunch break, come home in the evening, eat dinner together, make love (or vice versa), and fall asleep in each other's arms. On the weekends, or if we were both off, we'd squeeze the gym in there somewhere, and it would get me hot and bothered to see Tom sweaty and running on a treadmill. Tom doing anything physical got me hot and bothered. I couldn't help it; he was irresistible.

Our lives went along as usual, and my birthday was spent in bed making love as much as our bodies would allow. We took many naps that day, and Tom gave me a new pair of blue jeans from his store that I'd been eyeing any time I went to see him. He said that they made my butt and legs look amazing, and yet he couldn't wait to be able to take them off of me.

_**-o-**_

We both got off from work for our anniversary, and I let Tom sleep in until nine. I'd gotten up at seven unwillingly. I'd just sat up in bed, wide awake, and decided to just get up and get ready to celebrate the one year I'd just spent with my husband in one day. I left the apartment to get Tom flowers, roses since they always took his breath away and sometimes made him cry, and to get some things for breakfast. When I got back, Tom was still stretched out on the bed, the sheets pushed almost completely off the bed. His royal blue trunks, which he ironically wore on our honeymoon, were the only cloth on his perfect little body. I put his flowers in a vase of water with the flower preservative, and shed my shorts and button down to lie down next to my husband.

He was stretched out on his belly, his back rising and falling with even, slow breaths of exhaustion. I hated to wake him up, but I knew that if I didn't he'd scold me for not waking him up later on. I stroked my hand down his back, my fingers skirting over the curve of his bottom, and my gorgeous husband stirred. His fingers curled and uncurled, and he squeezed his eyes closed tighter before opening them. He smiled, his cheeks flushed from sleep, and I leaned in to kiss his nose.

"Happy anniversary," I crooned, and he smiled drowsily at me.

"Happy anniversary," he repeated back to me, rolling over onto his side to face me.

He shifted even closer to me, his hand going to my hair, and kissed me. When I finally could steal away from him, I told him to close his eyes, and he sat up, doing as I asked. I brought over his flowers, sitting down with them in front of him. I touched his cheek, brushing my thumb very gently over his eyelid. His eyelashes fluttered against my finger, the touch ticklish on the pad of my thumb. His eyes popped open, blinking a few times before they settled on the dozen red roses I held. His mouth fell open, and he looked from me to his flowers and then back at me.

"Oh my, God. Danny, they're beautiful," he breathed, and my point was proved. He could never resist flowers.

I smiled, pleased that I could make him that happy with the simplest gesture, and mentally noted to bring home flowers after work on random days.

Tom took the flowers, set them on the nightstand, and leaned up on his knees to crush his lips to mine. He pulled me down on top of him, and we made out as our desire mounted. Tom was the easiest to undress since he only had one article of skimpy clothing. I barely had to coax him or even to nudge his legs apart so I could settle in between them. He pressed his head back into his pillow as I eased into him. His resulting moan that quickly turned into a soft cry was enough to make me feel good knowing I made him do that. He brought his legs up to my waist, his feet trying to find purchase on my hips as I moved against him. His arms wrapped around my neck, and he forced our mouths together.

It was loud and messy, but that's what sex was. Tom's gasps were sharp and obnoxiously loud, while my grunts and moans were low and guttural. Our lips were millimeters away from each other as we came together, our cries mixing along with our breathy gasps. Tom was panting harder than I was, his chest heaving scarily. It unnerved me, but when he curled up to me, his head cradled on my shoulder, I figured he was okay. It was several moments before we could both breathe and function correctly.

I reached for Tom when he sat up, leaning over to pick my shirt up off the floor. His movements were relaxed and smooth, and I smiled as he shrugged into my button down. He buttoned only a few buttons, and smiled at me over his shoulder as he padded around the wall to the bathroom. His bottom peeked out from underneath my shirt, and I loved that he was mine. He was all mine. When he came back out a few minutes later, he'd rolled the sleeves of the shirt up to his elbows and he was running a hand through his hair. He lay down next to me on his belly, completely relaxed and blissful. He leaned up on his elbows, and our lips molded together for a moment.

"Mmm, you brushed your teeth," I murmured, pressing our lips together for one more kiss.

"Yes, I did. I didn't really enjoy kissing you and then having sex with you when I had just woken up with bad breath," he told me, his legs up in the air behind him.

I smiled, chuckling softly, and stroked my hand down his back.

"Why do you love flowers so much?" I asked him, the question meant to be inquiring and gentle.

Tom smiled at me, crossing and uncrossing his ankles in the air. "When I was little, every Valentine's Day my dad would bring my mom home a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. He gave Jasper and I a little box of chocolates too, just because he loved us too. But I always wanted flowers too. So, my mom would always give me one of her flowers. But even when I was little, I was determined that I would find someone who would bring me flowers. And I have. And he's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

I turned over onto my side, facing my husband, and smiled. "I'm glad I make you so happy just by bringing you flowers. That makes me feel great knowing I can give you so much joy with the smallest gesture." My hand cradled the side of his face, and his lips curved upwards into a breathtaking smile.

We ate a little bit of breakfast, and landed back in bed.

We made love that time. It was slow and sensual, sweet and tender, in a way that our previous session hadn't been. It felt as if we were one again. We were joined in a way we couldn't describe to anyone. We didn't have that connection with anyone else. Our bodies moved as one, in sync with one another, and that feeling of unison was what we craved. The affection that was passed between us, and the warmth we shared, was enough to satiate our need for each other for at least a short time.

As we came down from the incomparable high, Tom's phone rang. He leaned over to the nightstand, giving me a great view of his backside, and retrieved his phone. He lay back down next to me, and with his head pillowed on my shoulder, he answered his phone.

"Hello?" He said, his voice content and almost giddy.

I couldn't hear but a muffled voice from the phone, but Tom grinned, laughing.

"Thank you, Jasper. I appreciate it. And no, you didn't interrupt us having sex. You're safe," Tom joked, his little frame shaking with laughter.

Tom talked to Jasper on the phone for a little longer, I got out of the conversation that he just wanted to call to tell us happy anniversary, and he snuggled up to me when he was off the phone. It was nice to just be able to lay with my husband in our warm, comfy bed with no one else to worry about.


	28. Shock

I was so happy to see my husband one evening when I came home. His Jeep was in the garage of our building, his Army sticker and tire cover ever present, and that had given me a sudden jolt of energy to get upstairs to the love of my life. When I walked through the door though, I dropped all that I was holding that I was bringing home from the restaurant. Tom whirled around, his grey eyes piercing and startled. He'd gotten a haircut, but this was the kind of hair cut I despised. His hair was so short now, as short as it had been those times I missed him dearly, and metal clinked on his chest when he moved.

I couldn't form any words, my lips not finding the purchase of question. I felt the corners of my eyes prick, and brought a hand up to my face. Tom held his breath, his eyes searching mine.

"I'm sorry."

I brought a deep breath into my lungs, feeling that I was losing control.

"Don't be upset. Baby, I'm sorry."

I dropped my hand, not looking at him, and bent down to pick up my things. I had planned to make dinner with my husband, and then curl up on the couch while we watched TV and I got him to help me with some of the accounting for the restaurant. Math had never been my strong subject. Tom didn't try to talk to me, or force my attention to explain. I took a shower, and Tom was setting the table when I came back out. He'd changed out of his fatigues and dog tags, and into a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. He gave me a meek smile, putting a bowl of that honey mustard chicken pasta with peas on the table. As he filled two glasses with sweet tea, I walked up behind him, settled my left hand on his waist, and kissed his head.

We didn't say anything until we were sitting down. I slid my foot over to settle it on Tom's under the table, and he looked up at me.

"Are you thinking about going back?" I asked him, looking at him seriously.

"I'm not sure," he mumbled, looking down at his food.

I swallowed back the one thing I didn't want to hurt him with—rejection—and looked at him.

"Whatever you decide, I'm with you one-hundred percent. No excuses," I told him, and he smiled.

I reached over, smoothing my hand over the back of his head, and pulled him closer to kiss him. We ate dinner, talking about our days, as if everything was normal.

_**-o-**_

Tom came home one day—he'd had the day off—and slid me a sheet of paper while he passed me at the table. I furrowed my eyebrows, looking down at the paper. I read down the paper as Tom took his watch and rings off, sitting them on the dresser, and my eyes widened as my eyes fell on Tom's name on the paper. But part of his name wasn't right.

"What is this?" I asked.

Tom pulled his T-shirt over his head, tossing it into our hamper. "I was at the courthouse and DMV today. I changed my last name. We didn't get to hyphenate our last names anyway, so I thought, what the hell."

"Tom, you can't do this. You should have talked to me first. What are you going to do if someone asks you why your name is different?" I said, looking back at him.

"I'll say that I took my mother's maiden name instead of my dad's. I didn't want to talk to you. I wanted to surprise you, and I thought you'd be happy," Tom's voice was taking on a hysteric tone.

I'd hurt his feelings. "Oh, sweetheart, I am happy. I'm more than happy. You don't know how great it makes me feel that you love me enough to change your last name to mine. I just want to make sure that you're sure and that this is what you want."

Tom came over to me, sitting on my lap. He wrapped his arms around my neck, and I held onto him. He kissed my forehead, and looked down at me. He stroked his fingers through my curls, and left a kiss on the top of my head.

"I wanted us to be a family like straight married couples become when they get married." He swallowed and I knew he was about to say something that would hurt. "And if, God forbid, something happens to me, you can tell them you're my brother. That isn't the reason that I changed it though. I really just wanted us to be a regular couple that's been married for a year."

Our lips found each other, this kiss sharing all the emotions we were feeling at the moment. Tom melted against my chest, and I ended up carrying him to the bed to make love to my newly renamed husband.

_**-o-**_

I was waiting for Tom with a letter addressed to him. I hadn't opened it, but I knew what it was.

"Hey, baby. How was your day?"

He was so happy to see me after being away from me for the day while we worked. When I didn't return his bubbly attitude, which usually rubbed off on me, he set his things down and came to sit next to me at the table.

"What's the matter?" He asked me, touching my hand.

I gave him his letter, and his smile faded quicker than I'd ever seen before. He tore into the letter, repeating, "No," over and over. It had been a few weeks since he'd actually gone and reenlisted, and we hadn't expected this to happen so quickly. His face betrayed what was on the paper. He looked up at me, his grey eyes anguished.

"How long?" I asked, pushing my hair off my forehead.

"Two weeks."

"Well, at least it's not two days like last time."

He put the paper down, getting up, and kissed my head as he passed me. He got in the shower, and I cried harder than I really ever had before. It was an ugly cry. My gasps were sharp and hurt my ears, and my sobs were from somewhere deep inside of me. No matter how many times he had to be taken away from me, it hurt more and more each time. I'd grown so accustomed to having him around each and every day. I didn't know how I'd survive waking up without him curled up next to me. I'd have to survive his birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and quite possibly up to my birthday and our anniversary without him. When Tom came back out, his hair damp, he got me to get up and go over to the couch. I fell apart in his arms, because I didn't care. I only wanted him to stay.

_**-o-**_

_July 13 – Tom Leaves_

I reread what was written on our calendar. It was tomorrow, and I hated it. I wanted to cross those red words out with a black marker as if that would make him stay. As if it would make the Army not take him away from me. I'd gotten a haircut, and my curls were now closely cropped. They were still noticeable, but it wasn't as long as it had been, falling on my forehead. It barely touched my forehead now. I'd done it for Tom, because he deserved it.

Tom was off getting his name patch on his fatigues changed, and I paced around the house, organizing things and trying not to cry. When Tom came back, he showed me his new name patch, which now read 'Smith', and I almost lost it. He was all packed, his bags sitting dauntingly behind the couch. We went over to my mom's house to eat dinner with our families on Tom's last night here. It was difficult to sit next to him while he sat at one end of the table, the honorary guest/whoever-got-there-first chair, but I had to be strong for him. He'd been put into a different troop with men and women he didn't know, and new officers. He'd heard that this was a troop that gays had to be careful with. Tom was scared to death that he'd be sent home just for loving me. He hated to "force me back into the closet," but I didn't care. I just wanted him to be happy. If anyone asked who the Danny was he was writing to, I'd given him full permission to say I was his wife or girlfriend since the name could inevitably go both ways. We didn't care if we had to do video chats while it was late at night for him, which meant it would be around morning time for me. It would work out fine for us.

Jasper got emotional when we had to leave since Tom's flight was leaving early in the morning. Tom had done this before: said those hard goodbyes, left and fought harder than ever before, and stayed strong through the time he was away. I wasn't that strong. Anytime Tom was gone from me for any period of time over a day, I fell apart. I couldn't stand to be away from him. The only reason I had stayed put together last time was because we'd had a daughter, and she'd needed a father while her other one was away. She'd deserved that, so I'd stayed strong for her. But now no one but myself relied on me, and I was prepared to go to pieces as soon as I got home from the airport.

_**-o-**_

I didn't sleep that night. I watched TV, cleaned as quietly as possible, and ate a midnight snack while I perused Facebook and the rest of my Favorites on the computer. I ended up instant messaging Calix who was almost always up until the wee hours of the morning. Tom got up a couple of times to go to the bathroom or eat something, and he'd sit on my lap for a moment, his tired kisses trying to heal the wounds that were opening back up inside of me. But I'd make him go back to bed, once making love to him just to exhaust him enough for him to sleep, and I was left feeling satisfied but empty as I was unable to fall asleep next to my warm, sleepy husband.

It had been four or so years since he'd gone to that place that could only have been described as hell, and I didn't think I was ready for him to go back.

I was exhausted, running on pure adrenalin, when it was time to leave at six-thirty. Tom worried over me, as I was so overly tired that I seemed wide awake but I was literally dragging my feet to the car.

"Sweetheart, are you okay? You looked exhausted. Did you sleep _at all_ last night?" He asked me on the way to the airport.

We were at a standstill in the traffic going into Atlanta. Tom was holding my hand, his wedding band on his finger. He put his engagement ring on his dog tag chain, and if someone asked he was going to claim it was his wife's.

"No, I didn't sleep last night. And I'm trying to be okay," I told him, resting my forehead on my fist with my elbow propped on the window.

Tom squeezed my hand, and I gave him a weak smile.

We finally made it to the airport, and I so didn't want to say goodbye to him. His bags sat at our feet, and he looked up at me. I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly through my mouth. We stood next to a wall, so we could kiss and hug and say our goodbyes without being called names and mocked for loving each other. Tom leaned up on the balls of his feet, and wrapped his arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and our lips met sweetly. I moved one of my hands to the back of his neck, tilting his head back to deepen our kiss. We broke apart when Tom started to press closer, and I kissed his forehead.

"I'll be strong for both of us," he murmured, his grey eyes intent and loving.

"You don't have to. I will make it through this, I promise, because all you need to be worried about is coming home safely," I told him, and we kissed again.

It was coming too close to the time when he had to leave. I left one last kiss on his forehead, staring into his eyes for one more lasting moment. One last peck on the lips was all we could do before Tom had to go. He shouldered his bags, and smiled at me.

"I'm going to miss you so much. I love you." His voice was strong, and yet it faltered on the 'I love you.' He smiled up at me again, trying not to let me see his pain.

I smiled down at him, cupping my hand around his cheek. "I love you too, and I'm going to miss you even more."

He leaned up on his toes, our lips meeting for only a split second, before he walked away and toward security. People let him go in front of them, so he was through in no time. He waved to me from the other side of security, blowing me a kiss, and I waved back. He turned back around, and I watched him walk away, disappearing into a group of people. I waited until I knew he was gone, up the escalators, and at his gate. It was hard to drive home, knowing I was going to be alone for an unknown amount of time until I finally got him back. I hoped I got him back.


	29. Year

_16 Months Later_

I was woken up during the night by a phone call in early November. I was roused prematurely from a fitful sleep, and I wasn't happy about it. Though anytime the phone rang I bolted to check the caller ID incase it was Tom. This time it was. I sat up in bed, answering the phone with a breathless, anxious, "Hello?"

"Danny? It's Tom."

I let out a big breath. It was great to just hear his voice. But there was something laced within his voice that told me not to get too excited.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked me, his voice soft and somewhat pained.

"Yeah, but I don't care. It's great to just hear you talk. Why are you calling?" I needed to know why this time he was calling me, but he hadn't any other time we'd spoken via video chat. I pulled the blankets closer to me, shivering. I'd forgotten to turn the heat on before I'd gone to bed.

He shifted the phone, and sighed a little out through his nose. "I was hurt earlier today, and I was allowed to call you to tell you. I just woke up an hour ago, and I don't remember much, but I remember enough to know that I was trying to help someone and it was my legs that were hurt. It's painful to move them much, and someone's coming in later to tell me what all happened."

I couldn't find my voice for a second, and it faltered as I spoke. "Can you walk?"

"Yes, but it hurts and it's very difficult without someone helping me. The doctors say I'll have trouble walking for a couple weeks, maybe a month or two. After that I should be okay, the pain will be bearable or gone completely and I won't need someone to support me. They say I'll be able to run and everything, but I won't be running anywhere soon. I can barely stand. I have to have physical therapy almost every day, and they said I should try swimming or something easy on my joints once I can move more on my own. Um…I'll be discharged tomorrow, and I'll be home on Friday. I'm sorry, but I can't get out of here any faster."

"Oh, God, don't you worry about it. It's fine. I'm just glad you're coming home," I told him, and I heard him sigh in relief.

It was enough for me to know he was safe and still breathing.

We couldn't talk for much longer, but I relished that time that I got to hear his voice.

_**-o-**_

I cleaned for two days straight. It was a record for me. Usually Tom was the one who cleaned, since he was neat from his days in the Army, but I decided he needed to come home to a spotlessly clean apartment. He deserved that much. The apartment wasn't dirty, it was still as it had been when Tom left a year ago (save for the photos I'd hung up and sat around the space), but I needed to distract myself somehow. So I cleaned. And cleaned, and cleaned. It was enough to distract myself, and exhaust myself to sleep at night.

It was finally Friday, and I couldn't get to the airport fast enough. It was half an hour before his plane came in, and I was so nervous. I tried to read my book, but I was getting distracted by all the people walking past me. I passed the time by pacing, or trying to read, or trying to just think of how exciting it will be with my husband home with me. I got hot in my pea coat that I remember Tom buying for me a few years ago for Christmas, so I laid it and my scarf on a chair, pacing some more.

I walked closer to security when the time came down to five minutes. The pocket of my jacket was big enough to hold my trashy, harlequin gay romance paperback novel that Tom always rolled his eyes at. They were the only thing I read other than the newspaper, so he never said anything. I kept checking my phone, the clock on the wall, and the TV screens that had every flight coming and going until sometime this evening. I started to smile uncontrollably when Tom's flight had arrived, and started to get antsy. I wanted him back in my arms.

I finally, _finally_, caught a glimpse of green behind security. People started to clap, and I knew I was close to getting my husband back. Another soldier was supporting Tom with his good arm, the other in a sling and tucked close to his body. Tom was limping past people that moved aside and applauded. He was looking around, his face twisted in pain, and I knew he was looking for me. I stood up on the balls of my feet, reaching a hand up to shoulder level to get his attention. His face changed completely when his eyes found me. He tried so hard to get to me faster, but I knew that I needed to go to him.

I walked around people, and Tom dropped his backpack when I got closer. He was standing just outside the security overhang I couldn't go beyond, and he let go of the other soldier as I got even nearer. I grabbed him up when I got to him, spinning around in a circle as we hugged tightly and laughed with the joy of it all. It was so amazing to have him back in my arms. We didn't kiss since we were in the middle of so many people, but we hugged even tighter. When I steadied Tom on his feet, he bent his knees to take some strain off his joints. He looked like he was in a lot of pain, but he didn't let on about it. The soldier who had accompanied my husband home was still standing there, smiling at us.

"This is Ethan. He's a good friend of mine from my troop," Tom introduced us.

I was so grateful for him for taking care of my husband when they came home, and instead of shaking his hand, I hugged him. He laughed, hugging me back with his good arm. When I thanked him, he shook his head.

"I don't need thanks. I need to thank Tom. He was the one who helped me. He saved my life, and I'm forever in his debt. I don't care that my arm was injured, but I do care that I made such a good friend in Tom and he was there when I needed him most. You are incredibly lucky to have him," Ethan told me, grinning at both of us.

I felt immense pride swell within my chest for my husband, because he was so brave and willing to help anyone in need.

"I know I'm lucky. I knew that the day he agreed to be my boyfriend, and that was twelve years ago."

Ethan still smiled, but his eyes drifted away from us and his face smoothed over. His face then broke into a grin, and he nodded at us before he walked around us and was swept into the arms of a man in a police uniform. They obviously weren't as worried about the people, because they kissed right there in the middle of everyone. Ethan's bags had been dropped at their feet, and they were seemingly forgotten as the couple reunited. Once Ethan was put back on the ground, the man stroked Ethan's cheek, leaving a kiss on his forehead. Ethan linked their fingers, smiling at him, and then turned back to us. His boyfriend picked up Ethan's bags, slinging them onto his back, and they came back over to Tom and me. We were introduced to Ethan's beau, who we learned was named Nolan and who was a Marines veteran and an Atlanta police officer. He was very sweet underneath his tough exterior.

We promised to meet up again sometime, knowing it would benefit both of our relationships. I slung Tom's bags onto my back after I put my coat on, and supported him as we made our way to the car. He finally let his pain show, begging me to get his pain medication out of his backpack. I sped through a drive-thru to get him something to drink, and he thanked me several times for doing that as his pain started to subside. I drove home one-handed, and Tom played with my other hand, smiling absentmindedly.

I was excited to get him home to my surprise that I knew he'd love. When we finally did pull into the garage of our apartment building, Tom was eager to get upstairs and inside our home. I carried his bags and also supported him as we trekked up to our apartment. The elevator was a very welcome accommodation, and Tom could finally lean against the wall and relax for a moment before he had to walk again. His legs start to shake from the output of energy by the time we got to our door, and yet he reached to touch the yellow ribbon that still hung on our door along with a tiny gay pride flag. The flag and ribbon showed obvious signs of abuse from the door opening and closing and being handled and ripped off. Anytime I found them on the ground or completely gone I had put them back up or replaced them. I didn't care if I'd had to do it several times a day; I was determined to show my pride and respect for my husband.

As I unlocked the door, pushing it open, Tom jumped when our family and close friends yelled, "Welcome home, Tom!"

His face was priceless, and I couldn't hold back my laughter when he didn't recover himself for a full minute. He looked at me then, his eyes wide, but his lips curved up into a smile that was so full of joy it made me grin wider. I put his bags near our bed while Tom hugged everyone, starting with his mom and Jasper. Sam and Xavier held a sign they had spent a long time making. It was black with yellow glitter writing that read: _Welcome home, Tom!_ In much smaller letters on the bottom it read: _We love you :)_ It was sweet, and I'm sure Tom loved it. (We all knew of his unabashed love for glitter and anything sparkly.)

I noticed Tom had put both of his rings on, and kept touching his engagement ring without knowing it. His legs were getting tired, so I made him sit down, telling him that people could still talk to him even if he was sitting. Our friends from Charleston were there, and Calix couldn't help but hug me, kissing my temple, and told me that I had been so incredibly strong. He'd only been gone for three months the second time, the first time when he was dating me, and so a year had been torture. Tom was telling everyone who was crowded around him about Ethan and about the stories he'd been told of Nolan. I just stood to the side, letting him relax and socialize.

"Xavier, your hair! Oh my God, it's so long! It's gorgeous," Tom practically squealed, making my brother blush.

His hair was the same, straight and blond, like it was before he was sick. It had grown out curly, and Xavier had been mortified. Sam had somehow made him accept it, I'd never know how he did it, but as it continued to grow and he got it cut, it became straighter and straighter until it was just as it had been before. He now styled his hair on occasion, never taking having hair for granted again. Sam and Xavier, after giving Tom welcome home hugs and kisses, seemed to gravitate towards me. I held each of them under one arm, and kissed both of their heads. They'd helped me a lot throughout the past year, and I was forever grateful for them.

I was shaken from my thoughts when almost everyone was saying my name. I looked up, and people turned towards Tom. I let go of Xavier and Sam, going over to kneel on one knee next to my husband. I held onto his hand nearest me, kissing his knuckles, and looked up at him.

"What is it?" I asked him, my voice soft and lilting.

He took his hand out from between mine and smoothed it over my hair. He curled and uncurled his hand in my curls, now longer and easier to hold onto.

"I was going to tell everyone what happened, and I wanted you next to me. I haven't even told you, and I don't think I can tell anyone without you there. It's still a fresh memory, and it hurts to bring it up. I just needed you," he murmured his explanation, sincerely anxious and pleading.

"Of course, baby. I'm right here. I won't leave your side," I told him, and he smiled a little, giving me a tiny nod.

He took a deep breath, looking up at his brother and mom who stood right in front of him. Everyone was crowded around, leaving a circle of space between us and them.

"There was an ambush near my base, and a friend of mine, Ethan, was hit so I went out to help him when they opened fire again. My troop was holding them off well, but I was hit with shrapnel from a tank that had been blown up. I had a piece of jagged metal about…two feet long in my calf and another piece of metal, about three inches long, imbedded in my other thigh. My pants were practically rags from crawling through debris and sand and God knows what else, so tiny pieces of glass and metal were all over my legs in any spot they could get through my pants. I was in so much pain, but I knew I needed to get both Ethan and I back to camp. The fighting had moved away from us almost completely so I stood up as best I could, pulled Ethan up onto my shoulders, and tried to get back to base." Tom was breathing a little heavily, as if just bringing it up was inducing a panic attack. Almost everyone, including myself, was gaping at both his bravery and stupidity. No one said anything though. "I couldn't make it, and collapsed about ten yards from the base. Someone saw me, and a medic team came out to help us. A few of the men immediately grabbed up Ethan, his arm looked really badly, but I blacked out before I was even picked up off the ground."

Tom was shaking, and when I touched his arm he jumped. He looked over at me, his grey eyes dark and stormy and filling with tears. He blinked the tears back, determined not to cry in front of all these people, and gripped my hand. When he started to talk again, he said it to my face though it was meant for everyone.

"I didn't remember all of that. Someone came in to tell me all what had happened. They told me everything, because they'd see everything. I only remember that I had been going to help someone, my legs ended up being hurt, and seeing the face of one of my friends who was a medic before I passed out. Everything else was gone."

I squeezed his hand, smiling tightly at him. He was so brave, and I was so immensely proud of him.

"Well that's the most amazingly brave thing I've ever heard, and I was in the Army."

We all laughed at Calix's remark as it lightened the mood. It even got a small smile out of Tom. We all started to talk again, the tension released in the room, and I spotted a familiar, grown-up face behind Jasper.

"Luke!" Tom cried. He reached for the man we'd both taken under our wing after his tragic loss. Luke smiled, stepping around Tom's brother, and leaned down to hug Tom. "Oh my God, you look so grown-up."

Luke laughed, blushing. "Thank you."

"How are you? It's been so long since I've seen you," Tom gushed, so happy now to see him.

"I'm good. Just working and going to school part time," he said, running a hand through his black curls.

"What are you going to school for?"

"I want to be a wedding planner. I work as a receptionist for one, but I want to actually be one so I started going to school last fall," Luke explained, looking happy to talk about his dream.

"I know you'll be good at it. When you helped with our wedding, you were a natural at everything I asked you to do. You were such a great help, and you just seemed to be in your element. I know you'll do great," Tom praised him, which made Luke blush but stand a little straighter.

I felt arms latch onto my waist, and found Xavier leaning against my back. I smiled, touching his hands on my belly, and ruffled Sam's hair as he came to stand next to us.

It was festive and relaxing in the apartment, but I also couldn't wait until the time I could have time with Tom alone, in our bed, just the two of us.


	30. Morning

It wasn't but a few hours after we fell asleep that same night that Tom woke up screaming.

I came flying out of bed, startled and purely frightened. It had been so long since this had happened that I wasn't sure, at first, what was wrong. Tom stared at me from the bed with teary grey eyes. I was on my feet, breathing hard, and it finally clicked. I walked around the bed, sitting down in front of him, and very gently rested my hand on his arm. He didn't pull away or jump, just burst into hysterical tears at my touch. I shifted to sit further up on the bed, and held him against my chest. His sobs were body-wracking, his gasps sharp, and his tears were never-ending. My T-shirt was soaked through with his tears, but I didn't care. I cradled his head in one hand, holding onto his back with the other.

"Shh, shh, shh, shh. I'm here, baby, I'm here. You're safe. You're okay." I tried my hardest to comfort him, to tell him that he was home and that nothing could hurt him. It seemed to work eventually because his sobs dwindled to watery hiccups and he pressed his face into my chest.

Once I'd calmed him more to mumble through his remaining tears what his dream was about and I had soothed his anxiety to almost nothing, he struggled to keep his eyes open. I hadn't lost my touch. For that, I was proud. I leaned back against our pillows after one-handedly stacking some behind me, and relaxed, hoping Tom would do the same. I pressed a soft, firm kiss to his forehead.

"I'm here, sweetheart. I won't leave you. Can you close your eyes and go back to sleep? I'm right here, and I won't let you go," I murmured to him, rubbing his back.

He looked at me for a second before nodding only a little. "Promise?"

That one word broke my heart into a million tiny pieces. "Of course, angel, I won't go anywhere."

He nodded again, and let his eyes droop closed. He relaxed against my chest, his head resting over my heart, and once he was dozing peacefully I let myself succumb to my own exhaustion.

_**-o-**_

When we woke up again at around ten, Tom was more rested and calm. He smiled at me, and we didn't bring up the nights events. I wasn't even sure Tom remembered. He might not have, so I left it alone. I heard him call my name from the bathroom while I was in the kitchen making coffee. I jogged to the bathroom, knocking lightly on the only door in the apartment (other than the front door).

"Are you alright?" I asked him, anxious for his answer.

"Yeah, I just need help walking."

He opened the door, and gripped my arm with shocking strength as we walked towards the kitchen table. He shakily sat at the table, and I brought him some coffee. He took it gratefully and eagerly, obviously having missed our coffee routine in the morning.

"Do you want to go out for breakfast? I think Sam is working this morning at Cracker Barrel," I suggested to him, and he perked up.

"Sure. That would be fun," he agreed, his smile becoming infectious.

We took a shower together, and it felt good to be so close with nothing in between us. I could see the ugly scars on his legs that were still pink and healing. On his right calf, he had about a six inch scar where the larger piece of metal had pierced his skin, and he had a two inch scar on his left thigh where the smaller piece had embedded itself. The rest of his legs were peppered with bruises, healing cuts, and tiny scars. He even had a scar on his hipbone, where someone's knife had nicked him as they'd cut his pants away. I could see his scar on his shoulder, and the scar on his abdomen.

He was covered in scars from his many courageous battles, and yet he wasn't looking forward to his honorable discharge ceremony tomorrow. They even wanted to give him a Purple Heart. He didn't think he deserved it, and he really didn't want it. I didn't try to force it on him, and let him make the decision by himself. As we toweled off and dressed, Tom's hand tentatively settled on my hips, and he kissed my back. I smiled, turning around to face him, and we shed the little amount of clothes we had put on, landing in bed. Our heated kisses turned tender, and our movements slowed. We made love, since we hadn't since he got home, and it was amazing.

We both rinsed off again when we were done, and redressed, content and elated now. I grabbed Tom's wool military-style coat off the new coat rack and held it out for him to shrug into. Tom wore his dog tags since he wasn't emotionally ready to take them off, and he held onto them as we asked for a table. We asked for Sam, and Tom tried not to use me as much to support himself as we walked to our table. Sam was happy to see us, and his joyful mood always rubbed off on me whenever I was around him. Tom noticed something on his left hand, and tugged on it to get him to let go of his tray. He switched it to his other hand, and smiled as Tom admired his new claddagh.

"When did you get this? It's gorgeous," Tom told him, grinning and touching his own rings.

Sam smiled wider, that question about his ring making his mood skyrocket even further. "Xavier actually gave it to me for Christmas. He said he had it picked out the September before last, when he was sick, but he was never able to buy it for me until last Christmas. The way he did it though was so sweet. I'll have to tell you when I come back though because I have tables that need things, and you need your drinks. I'll be right back."

He was such a good waiter because he was always so attentive to who needed what. I knew Xavier was trying to get a job, but no one was hiring for graphic artists. So he was applying just about anywhere that was hiring, including at this Cracker Barrel, but was still waiting. When Sam finally came back, setting our drinks down, he launched into a misty-eyed, enthusiastic story of what my little brother did for him for Christmas last year. Tom sat, listening intently, and watched Sam the entire time.

"I had gone to see my dad on Christmas Eve, which was a horrible idea since he made it clear he didn't want to see me anymore. I came home, close to tears, and Xavier was waiting for me. He knew where I'd been." Sam paused, looking around at his tables quickly, and then looked back at us. He glanced at me for a moment. "Your mom was gone, to Nicole's I think, so we were alone. He sat me on the floor, and sat in front of me. He just kind of watched me for a moment, pushing my hair out of my face, and then he started to sing. I'd never really heard him sing before, even when we were in the car or something, because he was always so shy. But, oh my God, he has got the most amazing voice I've ever heard. He sang "What I Did for Love" to me, continuing to touch my face or my hair, and wiped the tears off my cheeks.

"I swear it was the sweetest, most romantic thing _anyone_ has ever done for me. And once he was done, before I could even say anything, he brought this velvet box out of his jeans pocket and popped it open. And this ring sat nestled in the velvet. Needless to say, I burst into hysterical tears, so overcome with emotion that I couldn't hold it in any longer. We hugged, and kissed, and everything, and Xavier replaced my plain claddagh with this one with my birthstone in the heart. That totally kicks the ass of what I did for him when I gave him his claddagh that summer."

Tom, reverting back to his emotional gayness, gushed over how amazing that was for him. Sam just grinned, his blue eyes sparkling with his usual playfulness, and wrote down our order quickly before he had to bolt again. I listened as my husband talked about how great it was for them, and I just smiled and nodded. He'd missed so much over the past year, and I needed to catch him up. He demanded I do so over breakfast, so I told him all the latest family things that he'd missed.

"Tristan's walking," I said, handing him a biscuit.

"What? Oh my God, it seems like it was just yesterday that he was sleeping on your chest while you were sick. I need to see all of them. Can we get your family together for a dinner tonight?" He asked, his voice so excited and happy I couldn't deny him.

I sent a mass text out to my siblings, Tom's brother, and my mom telling them to get their bags packed for a dinner at Mom's for Tom. I got responses from everyone, agreeing it'd be fun to get together again for Tom and spend some time with everyone. We told Sam about our plan, and he said he'd be there. Tom and I went home, grabbed things for tonight, and headed over to my mom's house. Xavier was sleeping on the couch. He looked so tired and rumpled, so I just placed a soft kiss on his head and left him alone. Sam came home at around two, and had to just change, give Xavier a kiss, and leave to teach three dance classes until five that evening. Xavier sat at the island next to me, leaning his head on my shoulder, and I still loved having him so close. Anytime Sam was away, Xavier wanted me near for company just as good as Sam's.

My siblings started to filter in around three-thirty with Nicole and Kyle coming with their little family. Tristan toddled right over to us, latching onto my shin. I grinned down at him, leaning down to pick him up, and he smiled at Tom, reaching out a hand for him. Tom smiled at him, stroking his wispy hair, and leaned in to kiss his head. I loved holding him, and he loved for me to hold him. He snuggled up to my chest, laying his head on my shoulder, and held onto my shirt in his little fist.

"Oh my God, I have tried and tried to get him to take a nap today, and he would not settle down," Nicole complained, setting the diaper bag down on the kitchen table and pulling off her coat. Kyle took it and went to hang them by the front door.

Tristan was asleep in an instant against my chest, and I could see Tom just watching me with him. He didn't try to hide that he was watching me, only smiling at me when I looked over at him and caught him looking. I eventually took Tristan upstairs to the Pack n' Play my mom kept here, and laid him down to let him keep sleeping. I set up his baby monitors and took one down with me so I'd know if he woke up.

"You're such a dad," Nicole said, making fun of me.

Tom sat at the island, watching me as I washed out one of Tristan's sippy cups, and just grinned at me.

"I think it's cute," he said, winking at me. "I love him like that. It's sweet."

"Thanks, baby," I crooned, leaning over the island for a kiss.

Tom grinned once we pulled back, and I saw his cheeks turn pink. I was glad that he was still my husband that I could make blush and giggle without any effort. I just wish everything I'd worked so hard for over four years hadn't been ruined in only one.

He was still reserved and hesitant to show me affection. I'd seen his eyes dart around before and after kissing me. He was anxious around a lot of people if I wanted to kiss or hold him, even our family. He'd only let me hold his hand at the party because he'd needed me. I didn't like that he'd come home from the Army, spooked and nervous to be around other people and be affectionate with me. I suspected something may have happened while he was gone, something that brought back his cold exterior that unwillingly denied me loving affection when we weren't alone. He would barely even kiss me if we were upstairs and my family was downstairs. He always felt as though someone would come through the door at the moment we started to do anything.

Tom turned his face away when I came to stand next to him, trying to kiss his cheek. "Not right now, please."

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again," I told him, trailing my fingertips down his back before stepping away from him.

The rest of my siblings continued to arrive one at a time, Leroy with Maria since Ashley wasn't off from work yet, and Aaron and Carrie with Jack a half an hour after them.

When Sam appeared in the doorway to the kitchen after the front door slammed, Xavier was off his stool in a second. Sam threw his bag down, and caught Xavier in his arms. It was sweet to see them like that, and I'd content myself to watch them if I couldn't hug or kiss my own husband. Sam was wearing his tight, spandex dance pants that he loved to wear to dance and a baggy T-shirt. His hair was rumpled, sticking up where he ran his hands through it, and yet he seemed upset. Xavier picked up Sam's bag, leaving one arm wrapped around his boyfriend, and walked with him further into the family room. Xavier came back a little while later, a new T-shirt on, and smiled at me.

"Something wrong?" I asked him, giving Tom a glass of tea.

"He's just really tired and a little cranky because some of the girls were being smart-asses to him, but he chilled out on the car ride home so he was just happy to see me. His dad's giving him some trouble too. His dad says that he wants to see him, but he isn't so sure that he wants to go see him. He's just kind of worn-out because he's been working so hard. He's got off tomorrow and Monday. I'm glad he doesn't have to work since I haven't gotten a lot of time with him lately." Xavier bit his lip, noticing he'd started to ramble. "Sorry."

I laughed. "Its fine, sweetheart, you obviously needed to talk. I don't care."

His cheeks turned pink, but he spun around when he heard his name. Sam smiled at him, his hair damp from taking a shower, and he was dressed in black sweatpants and a white T-shirt. They disappeared back into the family room, and we didn't follow them until music leaked into the kitchen. Tom and I peeked in on them, and grinned. They were dancing, obliviously to us and our family behind us watching. It was sweet, because they were smiling and happy. Sam leaned over, keeping Xavier flush against him, and turned up his music. He smiled at Xavier, content with the music now, and twirled Xavier under his arm. The version of "I Want to Hold Your Hand" done by the cast of _Glee_ was playing, and they seemed content and thrilled to be dancing together.

Xavier snuck his hands around Sam to grab his butt while they danced close to each other, and they both giggled softly to themselves. We all tried not to laugh and ruin the moment. When Sam and Xavier kissed tenderly, Xavier peeked out at us and scowled. We all beat a hasty retreat into the kitchen, but we'd been caught.


	31. Invite

Tom woke up every night, at least twice, with nightmares. I didn't sleep much, while I eventually got him to fall back asleep with his head in my lap. I'd stroke his hair and his face, talking to him to give him at least some comfort, and he'd finally doze back off while I was wide awake. I'd taken a few weeks off from work, but I hadn't told him yet. He'd been home almost a week, but I still needed to wait for him to relax around me at home.

I touched Tom's Purple Heart badge in its case, and listened to him in the shower. It was early in the morning a couple days after his ceremony, and he was slowly becoming more like he was when he left. He was still tentative to be affectionate around our families, but he was warming up, giving me small kisses or holding my hand.

I laid my clothes on the bed, picking up some rogue socks and underwear from the floor and putting them in the hamper as I waited for Tom to finish. I drank another cup of coffee by the time he got out. I heard the shower curtain scrape against the bar and muffled movement behind the bathroom door. Tom pulled the door open, his towel hanging low on his hips, and held onto the doorframe. He was flushed from the hot water, his hair damp and messy. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. It was an easy smile, relaxed and unforced. He was genuinely happy again, not just faking it to pacify me.

I walked over, and swept him into my arms. He laughed, settled bridal style in my arms, and leaned up to kiss my cheek. He stretched his toes out, and then scrunched them tightly. I smiled, kissing his forehead, and sat him on the bed.

"I'm going to take my shower. Yell if you need me," I told him, and pecked him a kiss before leaving him.

I was done quickly, because Tom was the one who took a long time in the shower, and Tom was putting on some light blue jeans. He wasn't wearing a shirt yet, and I enjoyed seeing his toned muscles out in the open after more than a year of being alone. He gingerly touched his scar on his calf, and hissed a little in pain.

"Are you alright?" I asked him softly, kneeling down in front of him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It just hurts a little bit. I'm okay, I promise," he told him.

"Okay, okay. I was just asking. Lie down and relax for a minute; we're in no rush," I soothed him, pressing back on his shoulder.

He lay down on the bed, and relaxed. I dressed, and saw out of the corner of my eye Tom watching me. His tongue peeked out, touching his upper lip, and I smiled to myself. I resisted the temptation to push his clothes out of the way and make love to him, and was successful. Sometimes I could resist that urge, but other times I couldn't. When I finished dressing, Tom rolled off the bed, his knees buckling for a moment before he righted himself, and found a T-shirt. We went down to the garage, and were off to see Nolan and Ethan.

_**-o-**_

I could hear Ethan yelling at Nolan to get the door from the sidewalk in front of their townhouse, and made a nervous face at Tom. He laughed and shifted his weight around a little. I let my hand ghost over his waist, leaning down to leave a soft, gossamer kiss on his neck. It had been a while since Tom and I had done anything remotely sexual, and I missed all of him. He hadn't opened up to me in a long time, emotionally or physically. He shied away anytime I tried to initiate anything that went on below our waists. I didn't want to complain or whine to him or anyone. I wanted to deal with it on my own. I needed to deal with it on my own.

Nolan grinned at us when he finally got to the door, and let us in. We walked through the foyer and into the living room. Ethan was standing in front of the TV, an odd kind of Sci-Fi show on, and was standing on a long, green rubber band that looped under his foot and over his shoulder. Nolan watched him for a second as he watched the TV and stretched the rubber band by lifting his left arm. He bit out a groan of pain, and balled his right hand into a fist. I could see Nolan bite his lip and curl his toes against the hardwood floor. It still unnerved him to see Ethan like that. I didn't blame him. As Ethan dropped the rubber band, Nolan looked back at us and smiled.

"What's up?" He asked, pulling Ethan under his arm when he came closer.

"We wanted to invite you to have dinner with our family tonight," I said, and Tom's hand found mine.

I silently praised him, my thumb stroking his palm.

"We don't have anything else planned. I'm off from work from a little while. It's fine with me," Nolan said, looking to Ethan for his input.

Ethan glanced anxiously at his left side, but nodded his consent. "Sounds fun."

Nolan let his hand find Ethan's small waist. He squeezed gently, as if he was trying to reassure the both of them. Ethan pulled away for a moment, leaning over the couch to grab the remote and pause whatever he was watching. He leant back up, holding the remote, and smiled shyly.

"_Torchwood_; my guilty pleasure," Ethan said, his cheeks coloring.

Tom launched in, saying he didn't know what that was and wanting Ethan to explain it. This distracted Ethan and he took Tom over to the stacks of DVD cases. Nolan turned his back to them, looking at me, and I could see straight through his tough-guy façade. I gave him a sympathetic look, and he smiled meekly. He nodded me over to the foyer, and I followed. He sat down at their small dining room table, and I put my hand on his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, knowing he was upset. I sat down next to him, and waited for him to start talking.

"I worry so much about him. I haven't been able to sleep because I'm so wired, ready for him to start whimpering and then finally wake up screaming. I can't eat until he's eaten, until I know that he's full and happy and he's talking while I eat. I don't know how to help him though. We had a very hard time adjusting to being around each other again for this first week. We got into so many fights over tiny things in just one week. I slept on the couch most of the time. I just now went back into the bedroom with him the other night.

"Most of the time, I think it was the pain talking. His doctor has given him medicine and it's helping bit by bit, but he's still in so much pain. It starting to just come and go now, and the time in between is getting longer and longer. It sometimes helps for me to give him a massage or something so he'd have to feel pressure and have feeling in other parts of his body to distract his mind from the pain.

"He gets so upset when I hold him and he can't hold me back. It's especially frustrating when he can't open things or put on certain clothes because he'd need two hands. I went into work for an hour one day to just help one of the officers with something and get some paperwork since I still have off for another week and a half. My boss gave me two and a half weeks off from work so I'd have time to spend with Ethan when he came back. But I was only gone about forty-five minutes when Ethan called me, sobbing hysterically into the phone. I couldn't understand what he was saying until I finally calmed him down. He eventually told me that he couldn't open the peanut butter jar. To anyone else, this would have been the stupidest reason to call their boyfriend, but to us it was heartbreaking. I rushed home, and made it better by making him his sandwich.

"Before then, he hadn't been alone long enough to think about his situation, and it was a bad idea on my part to leave him, but he'd also had me to help him. He was too wiped from his pain meds, they make him so sleepy, so I was always there to make him something to eat. He's been living in T-shirts, sweatpants, and athletic shorts since that was all he could pull on with one hand. He refuses to ask me for help when dressing because it embarrasses him to seem vulnerable and unable. So I let him wear whatever he wants, and don't force my help on him, knowing it'll upset him. I've been trying to keep him happy and comfortable, because that's all I know how to do. That's the only way I can take care of him. I'm a police officer, a Marines veteran, and I really wish I knew how to better take care of my own boyfriend." Nolan was bordering on hysterical tears, his words slurring together in a rush to get them out. His voice sounded different as he got more upset. I thought I could hear an accent coming out, but couldn't place it or be sure I even heard it.

I rubbed his arm comfortingly. "Have you talked to him at all? I know he'll understand."

Nolan shook his head, sniffling. "No, but I need to. I just haven't had the heart to bring down his happy mood. I worked so hard to get him to smile again, and I can't make myself ruin it, even it's only for a day or so."

"Nolan? Baby, what's wrong?"

Nolan jumped, and shoved his hands under his eyes to catch the unshed tears. He muttered something under his breath that I didn't catch, but it didn't sound like English. Before Nolan could come up with an excuse, Ethan leaned down to kiss his forehead. I let Ethan take the chair I'd been sitting in, and he moved closer, cupping his hand around Nolan's cheek.

"We'll go. Call us later, after you've talked," I said, keeping my voice soft and nonjudgmental.

Both Ethan and Nolan nodded, only Ethan looking up at us. Tom held the first season of _Torchwood_, and smiled a little at Ethan.

"I'll bring this back when we finish it. Thanks for letting us borrow it," Tom told him, and Ethan gave another sharp nod.

As we turned to walk away, I heard Nolan mumble, "Thank you." I smiled, and gave him a reply, "Anytime. I'm glad to listen."

"Sweetheart, talk to me. What's the matter?" Ethan coaxed once he figured we were out of earshot, his voice was lilting and gentle.

_**-o-**_

I held Tristan on my hip while I got him a snack. He was fascinated by a freckle on my neck, and I smiled when his fingers tried to grab it. I snatched a bag of yogurt chips and a canister of puff snacks from the counter, hoisting Tristan higher up on my hip. Tom was sitting on the floor at the coffee table, sipping from a cup of Coke, and he smiled at me when I came back into the family room. I let Tristan down and he toddled away only to come back every few minutes for a snack. Tom held my hand, occasionally kissing my knuckles just to make me smile. We both considered Tristan as almost our son. He spent most of the time with us, and I'm sure he thought of us as his parents instead of his uncles.

I answered the door when it rang before getting Tom and I some more drinks. Nolan and Ethan stood on the porch, holding hands, and grinned at me. They were bundled up in jackets and scarves, and Ethan had an adorable golf cap over his short, military-style hair.

"Hey, come in. We're just hanging out in the family room," I told them, letting them in. "We'll be eating in a little bit. There're drinks in the kitchen."

Tom came over, hanging up their coats, scarves, and Ethan's hat and they all got to talking as they went to sit back down in front of the TV that was playing some Christmas movie that I hadn't noticed. I went into the kitchen after grabbing mine and Tom's cups. The kitchen was all hustle and bustle while all the girls were doing their part to make dinner. I leaned down, grabbing a handful of ice out of the freezer drawer, and moved out of the way as my mom went to the stove to drop a handful of spices into a pot. I got four sweet teas, somehow carrying them all out to my husband and friends.

_**-o-**_

Robyn, his dads, and Riley came to dinner, and it was great to see Xavier and Sam so content and happy around their friends. Caleb and Dean were quiet, only speaking to each other, their son and his friends, or someone who spoke directly to them, and they seemed content that way. Robyn kept looking at them, almost anxious, but would relax when he could see that they were fine. Tom sat snuggled up to me, drinking the hot apple cider my mom warmed up for everyone, and I was so happy to hold him like that around everyone. He seemed to have switched over a period of only a few hours. He had been shy and tentative anytime I touched him, but now he was eager to kiss me, touch me, and just about anything, even around other people.

Nolan and Ethan came to sit with us, talking with us about anything and everything. Ethan looked a little tired, resting his head on Nolan's shoulder, and laced their fingers loosely. I knew he was sleepy. He had that look about him, his entire body wilting into his seat and melting against Nolan's side. It was sweet, how Nolan doted on him, kissing his forehead and stroking his face. The issue from earlier that morning had obviously been resolved, and they were completely smitten with each other again. Ethan suddenly jumped when someone dropped something in the kitchen, and Nolan sat forward with him.

"Sweetheart, what is it?" Nolan asked him, touching his back.

"Nothing, it just…startled me," Ethan told him, but he was definitely spooked.

Nolan smoothed his hair down, making him look at him, and I could see in Ethan's eyes that his emotions ran deeper than he let on. I could see his anxiety and fright clear in his eyes. Tom could see it too, because he sat up, and Ethan seemed to shy away from all of our worried gazes.

"We'll be right back," Nolan said, standing, and taking a hold of Ethan's arm. "Up. Come on."

Though his tone was firm, he was anything but angry with his boyfriend. They disappeared outside, grabbing just their coats on the way, and I worried about them. When I got up to get Tom more cider, I saw them out of the window, their breath starting to show as the sun went down, and they kissed sweetly. Ethan was smiling at Nolan, being tugged closer by his waist, and their lips met before they finally came back inside, flushed from the cold and Ethan feeling better.


	32. Couple

Tom gasped, sharp and audible in my ear, and I smiled. My hips gave another hard thrust, and he moaned. He was settled in my lap while I knelt on the bed, facing me with his arms around my neck, and though the position was difficult for me to get any real leverage, it let us be closer and was an incredibly sexy position to have sex with my husband in. Tom seemed to be enjoying it as well, and by his reactions I was getting enough leverage to hit him just right. At his sharp cry, he gripped the hair at the nape of my neck. I had to take long pauses in between thrusts to work up enough energy to continue, but it gave Tom a chance to catch his breath and for his lips to find my face as I held still.

Tom pulled his lips from my forehead when I gave a hard thrust, and a moan caught in his throat. My thrusts started to come in rapid succession as my release teetered on the edge of bliss, and Tom didn't complain. He moved his hips against mine, fast and needy, as if he was silently begging me for his own release. I shifted carefully, stilling for only a moment, and rested Tom on the bed. His legs spread open further, to give me more access and better positioning. My thrusts were deeper now, and our whimpers turned to cries as we crossed the threshold of ecstasy.

I lay curled around Tom, cradling him in the space my body created, and I could tell he was drifting off to sleep. It had been great, those hours of pleasure spent with my husband. It had been since he came home that we'd had sex, so this was a welcome reminder than our feelings hadn't changed. Tom had relaxed almost completely around me and our family. He'd make witty remarks hinting at our sex life in front of our family, and he'd sometimes even climb onto my lap if I was on the couch, kissing me before I could do anything. It was amazing how quickly he'd adjusted back to himself before he left. It had been almost two weeks since he'd gotten home, and we were just happy to be back together. Tom had gotten over his Army training real fast, and was now just as he had been before.

I got up, letting him sleep, and he whimpered at the loss of contact. I covered him up after retrieving a wet washcloth to clean his belly off, and left a soft kiss on his forehead. I grabbed my sweatpants, and settled on the couch with a Coke. I found Tom's laptop, signing in under my account, and turned on the TV. I caught up on _Torchwood_ episodes Tom had watched without me, and was amazed at how good this show was. I found Nolan signed onto his AIM account, and sent him a message. It was a few minutes before he responded, but when he did, I got the gossip of a lifetime.

_I had sex with Ethan on my desk at the police station._

I was kind of shocked, but in awe of our new friends. I told him to tell me all about it, and he did. He'd had the nightshift, and Ethan had had trouble sleeping. So he'd gone to keep Nolan company, and one thing had led to another. Nolan, in a haste to get in Ethan's pants, had swept everything cleanly off his desk to lay Ethan on it. That's what they had spent the last hour doing, putting his desk back together. He said that it had been amazing with the fear of possibly getting caught or interrupted by a call, but it had gone smoothly. Ethan had sat in Nolan's chair, wearing only underwear and his boyfriend's police uniform shirt, while Nolan had cleaned up before they had both fixed the desk. Some things had been broken, but nothing extremely important.

I looked at Tom, sleeping peacefully in our bed, still in the same position I'd left him in. I told Nolan about mine and Tom's passion-filled night, and he teasingly congratulated me on my job well done. I smiled, glancing back at my husband, and thought: _Yes, I did do a good job. He seemed to like it, and he was sleepy afterward so I must have done something right._

_**-o-**_

I answered my cell phone, smiling when Sam seemed to be all aflutter on the other line.

"Sam, sweetheart, what is it?" I said to get his attention.

Tom was making hot tea for the both of us before we settled down for a cold and rainy early morning and a few episodes of _Torchwood_.

"Oh, jeez, sorry. Do you know what kind of flowers Xavier likes? I was thinking roses, since those are the classic flower, but I didn't know if he had a specific flower he liked," Sam prattled, obviously a bit stressed and confused.

I thought for a moment. "I know he loves roses. But he also likes orchids and poppies."

Tom gave me a funny look, but I just shook my head, mouthing to him that I'd explain in a minute.

"Ow, fuck," Sam muttered, before coming back to me. "Okay, thank you so much."

"What's it for? Did you do something wrong?" I teased him.

He snorted. "No, it's our anniversary, so I'm surprising him. I wanted us to have a romantic night together since your mom is in Atlanta for a couple days. I don't know why, but she's gone and I wanted to treat Xavier to a night where he didn't have to do anything but sit there and look cute."

I smiled. Sam was so good to my brother. "Crap, that's right, it is your anniversary. That's sweet, Sam. I'm sure he'll love it. Have a good time, and if you need anything, just call."

"Kay. Thanks again. Bye," he said, and I got out a, "Bye," just before he hung up.

I told Tom what all Sam told me, and he got all mushy over how sweet that was. He really was back to normal, and I loved it so much. We cuddled, watching _Torchwood_, and ended up having sex on the couch while the show continued to play. We occasionally glanced at it, just to know what was going on, but Tom riding me was way too distracting. Even though whatever was on the TV was most likely death or sex, we were too caught up in each other. Tom braced his hands on my shoulders, his hips moving in sinful ways, pulling small cries and pitiful whimpers from me.

When we finally released, our sweat and cries mixing, Tom and I shifted so I spooned him, his tiny shivers coursing through both of us. I drew lazy circles on his belly, feeling the muscles tense and relax under my tickling touch, and grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch, snapping it out over us. Tom snuggled closer, leaving a soft kiss on my hand when he brought it up to his face. I smiled, kissing the top of his head, and he nuzzled against my jaw. The TV wasn't up very loud, only enough for us to hear the characters murmuring about whatever alien happened to be threatening the world at the time.

"Do you remember our first time together?" I asked Tom, obviously knowing the answer, but wanting to talk about it all the same.

Tom chuckled. "Yes, I do. How could I forget? It was your brown eyes that really got me at first. I think it's still your eyes that I love the most. But, sadly, I remember the pain the most from that night. Jesus, I was in so much pain."

I laughed at him, remembering perfectly. "You were. Oh my God, I felt so horrible for you. You were so sore and so uncomfortable after the first time. I had to give you ibuprofen and lay with you to make sure I hadn't hurt you worse. I felt so bad. I was worried sick that I'd hurt you more than just the soreness."

"You didn't, baby. Because, remember, after I started to feel better, we ate something and snuggled until your hands started to wander. You couldn't keep your hands off of me. I remember you woke me up when I started to doze by letting your crotch think instead of your brain," he said, smiling back at me.

"You enjoyed that, except for when you sliced your knee open with the pocketknife after opening the condoms. Although that was hysterical, I could tell you were in a lot of pain though you didn't want me to see. That's a bad habit, you know?" I told him, kissing his head.

He smiled back at me, and got up, finding my T-shirt, and padded off to the bathroom. He was getting a lot better at walking on his own without any help from me, and I was so proud of him for being so tough. His bottom peeked out from the hem of my T-shirt, and I smiled after him as I sat up. I ran a hand through my hair, untangling the curls, and ruffled them back into a little bit of shape. I heard a noise from next door, and furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. No one had lived in the apartment next to ours since the couple that had lived there before had moved while Tom was away. A single mother with two daughters lived on the other side, but we never really saw them much.

Tom and I ate a little early lunch of whatever we could find, and snuggled some more on the couch, kissing and groping whatever skin we could find blindly. It wasn't much, but it was enough to know that we were both still there. It really bothered Tom to see all of the stories about soldiers dying on the news because he knew that it could have easily been him. It bothered me just as much because just thinking about a life without Tom was painful. Just reassuring each other through touch was enough to satisfy that worry.


	33. Spill

Tom looked tired after we snacked on whatever we found in our fridge so I left a kiss on his forehead and told him to take a nap. He nodded, yawning finally, and padded off to the bed. He pulled my T-shirt off before climbing into bed. I blew him a kiss, and he smiled before almost immediately nodding off. He must have been very tired, but then we'd made love earlier that morning, never sleeping off the drainage of energy.

I decided to clean the apartment, though it was never very dirty since Tom's neatness always overpowered my crap organizational skills. I was getting better at picking up things or putting things away when I was done with them. Tom must have been so proud of me. When I was wiping down the table, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and a warm body nestle against my back. I was half bent over the table, and though I would have normally freaked out being like this, I was surprisingly relaxed and actually enjoying it. Tom seemed to get it, because he pulled a hand back to push against my shoulder blades for me to lean over more. I just laughed, obeying him, and he kicked my legs further apart. I only leaned back up to tug off my T-shirt, and Tom unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. I stepped out of them when he jerked them down, the cool air-conditioning of the apartment making my skin break out in goose bumps.

"Stay," Tom whispered in my ear, his breath hot against my skin.

I nodded, and felt him smirk against my ear. He left me, and I shifted my weight around. I was aroused to the point that I was squirming. I finally felt Tom against my back again, and was relieved. He was still naked, completely as I could feel him against my legs, and yet I was still wearing my boxers. His fingers slipped underneath the waistband of my boxers, slowly dragging them down. He kissed my lower back as his hands pushed the material down to my ankles. It had been a very long time since he'd topped me, and now seemed like a good time to start again.

Since I wasn't as used to this as he was, my back locked up and my hands balled into fists when Tom touched the most intimate part of me. He wasn't at all rough or dominating, only loving. He talked to me, telling me that it would get better if I relaxed, and stroked my back with his other hand, trying to get the muscles to unlock. I jumped, gasping, when a jolt of pleasure shot through me, and Tom chuckled. His voice was rough when we spoke to me, but his lips were soft against the dimples on my lower back. He kept talking to me, his voice gentle and encouraging.

I didn't necessarily like being coddled, but it was still helpful. I knew that I did that to him, and he liked it so I'm sure he was just trying to return the favor. I pressed my forehead to the cool wood of our kitchen table, trying to just relax. It would be over soon. The pain would pass. It always did.

_**-o-**_

It wasn't right for me to be pitiful after sex. That wasn't what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to be fulfilled and high on the endorphins. But Tom sat on the bed with my head in his lap, running his fingers through my hair. He smiled at me, his hand finding mine and linking our fingers.

"Don't be embarrassed," he told me. "I know it's been a long time since you've done that, and I'm proud of you. You trusted me, and that makes me feel great because it shows me that you trust me with something so important to you."

I squeezed his hand, not meeting his eyes. "You're my husband. I'm supposed to trust you with that. You trust me, so I had to do the same."

"No," Tom said, smoothing my curls off my forehead. "You don't. Many couples only go one way. Tell me, how many straight couples do you hear of that the woman do the fucking? None that we know of. I'm sure it happens, but I've never heard of it happening very much. This is something completely different. Many, not all, gay couples only go one way too. One man is the top, and the other is the bottom. We only know of a few couples who are versatile. I'd love for us to be like that, for you to trust me that much on more than one occasion. But unless both of us are comfortable with it, we will remain as we are. I have no problem with that. But I just want you to be happy."

It was right there in front of me. Just how much Tom had changed over the year he'd been gone. He was a different man. His personality was similar but it was also so completely different. I'd changed as well, but it wasn't necessarily a good change on my part. I'd pulled away from many people. I had become so depressed, that I didn't spend time with my family unless they came over to see me, and only spoke to my friends if they happened to be on Facebook or some other networking site. I had lost a startling amount of weight, which I hadn't told Tom about yet, and the only thing that stayed the same was my job. I still worked, but it was difficult. I was very easily frustrated and felt as if I was losing control of my life while Tom was gone. I'd regressed, and couldn't seem to survive without my husband. Sam, Xavier, and Nicole had been the only ones to keep me sane and keep me around. They'd seen my problems as they'd appeared, but didn't act until I'd become dangerously depressed.

I sat up, ignoring the pain it caused, and looked at Tom. He looked worried, and opened his mouth to say something. I shook my head.

"I need to tell you something," I said, and he nodded, his grey eyes flickering anxiously.

I shifted on the bed to where I held Tom in between my legs, against my chest, and wrapped up in my arms. Though I was the one who needed to be held, I felt the unmistakable need to hold my husband.

"I lied to you," I sighed, not looking at the one person I trusted my life with. "I wasn't okay while you were gone. I didn't go to see Laura like you told me to. I struggled to get up in the morning. I just didn't have the strength to get out of bed. It wasn't until almost a week after you left that everything really got worse. I didn't see my family, and I didn't talk to our friends. I barely left the apartment, and I didn't take care of myself. I lost about thirty pounds while you were gone, and I still haven't regained it all yet. I didn't have the appetite for food, and I just couldn't make myself eat. I was depressed, to put it lightly, and it wasn't until I could barely go to my mom's house without bursting into tears that my family finally saw it and got worried. Xavier and Sam stayed with me a lot, almost never leaving me alone in the apartment. They were so overprotective of me that they stopped their lives just to make sure I could survive. Nicole really helped me by bringing Tristan over. She told me that I seemed to be just fine when I had my nephew with me.

"I'd sit with him and we'd play for hours. Nicole told me that my face would just light up when she'd bring him over. I'd act as if nothing was wrong, because I had a distraction. And that's why I did so well the last time. I had Emily as a distraction. She needed me to be strong for her, so I didn't fall apart as I did this time. My world stopped turning when you left, because you are my world. I got so easily frustrated and upset, so work was hard for me. But I made it to work as much as I could. I got many of the evening shifts for dinner, so I didn't have to be up in the mornings. I knew I had to have money for us at all times, in case you got to come home early. God, how I wished you'd just show up at the door, ready to pick up where we left off."

I was crying, my tears soaking into Tom's hair, and he was quiet.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I'm so, so sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reenlisted. It was stupid, and I knew, deep down, that it would tear you apart. I was selfish, and you had to suffer," Tom said, self-hate laced in his steely tone. He changed his tone quickly though, knowing that I needed help to pick up the pieces of myself. "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

He shifted around, sitting up on his knees to hold me. I clung to his waist, my façade crumbling as each sob was pulled harshly from me. Tom stroked my hair, hushing me with soothingly warm tones, and I told him that I was sorry over and over again between my cries. He kept up his constant string of comforts and soft apologies. Never once did he falter and accept one of my apologies. He wasn't ever going to put the blame on me. My cries eventually reduced to soft breathless sobs that turned into whimpers and the occasional watery hiccup. Tom smoothed my hair off my face, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs, and kissed my forehead softly. He moved to lean against the headboard of the bed, and opened his arms for me. I settled in his arms, my head on his chest, and curled up. Tom cradled my head in his hand, kissing the top of my head.


	34. Soothe

_Tom_

"Honey, you need to at least drink something."

Danny just looked at me, his brown eyes dull and sad, and it broke my heart. He pushed himself up, sighing heavily. He was still so depressed even though I was home. Having just poured his defeated, damaged heart out to me, he was feeling hollow and weak and unable to pull himself back together. I felt so horrible that I'd done this to him, caused him to be so lost in our own little world.

I sat down on the bed in front of him, waiting for him to take the cup from me. His hands shook almost violently as he took the cup from me, and I watched him as he drank almost all of it down in only a few sips. I needed to be a better husband to him, especially when he'd just trusted me with something so special to the both of us, and I'd neglected to take care of him and be sure he was alright. I smiled when Danny realized he had drunk all of the tea I'd given him. He gave me a pitiful look, sympathy written plainly across his beautiful face.

"Its fine, sweetheart, it was for you. I'll get you some more," I told him, taking it gently from him.

He didn't move as I kissed his forehead, and I saw his eyes follow me as I walked away. I caught his eyes multiple times as he continued to watch me, and smiled at him. He pulled his legs up underneath him, sitting cross-legged now on his side of the bed, and I saw a ghost of a smile appear on his lips. I knew we still had a lot to figure out, since I was just now being told that my husband had been severely depressed while I had been gone, and I needed him to know that I was here for him and anything he needed. He eagerly accepted his drink, and I sat with him, holding his hand. I kissed his knuckles, feeling the softness of his skin against my cheek when he brushed the back of his hand against it.

"Why don't we go see Laura tomorrow?" He suggested, finally speaking after almost an hour of one-sided conversation on my part.

Laura was our couples' therapist that specialized in military couples. She worked separately from the military, so we were safe going to her as a gay couple. She helped us a lot with the stress of me being in the Army and Danny being left as an Army spouse. We hadn't been to her since I'd decided to reenlist. I had begged Danny to go see her while I was gone, but he'd been too depressed to bring up his loneliness to another person. He'd pulled away from everyone around him, refusing to acknowledge is heartbreak. I didn't blame him, knowing how hard it was when you were depressed, and I knew that it was a good thing for him to be asking for help now.

"Of course. That would be a great idea," I told him, and he ducked his head, smiling shyly.

I reached up, stroking his hair away from his face, and leaned in to kiss him. He was hesitant at first, but when our lips touched, opening a fraction to allow space for the others', he grabbed onto my waist. I gasped into his mouth when he pulled me onto his lap, and I held onto his shoulders. Our bare chests pressed together, and the soft material of Danny's boxers brushed against my leg. Danny rolled us over, and laid me on the bed. He pulled away, smiling down at me, and I grinned. He must have been feeling a little better because he was nudging my legs apart with his knee, kissing his way from my collarbone to my bellybutton. I ran my fingers through his hair, earning a soft noise that sounded close to a purr from him, and smiled.

"We'll go see Laura first thing tomorrow," I said, just to clarify.

He nodded, his teeth catching a hold on the waistband of my trunks. Once they were off, he left a kiss on the sensitive skin of my inner thigh, and crawled back up to look me in the eye.

"But right now," he murmured, his voice husky, deep, and smooth. "I'm going to make mad, passionate love to you. Would you like that?"

He said the last words close my ear, his lips pressing to the hollow underneath my ear and his voice dropping to a rough whisper. I gasped quietly at the sudden surge of arousal through my belly, and let my lips pull up into a smile.

"I'd love that."

_**-o-**_

_Xavier_

I squealed as Sam chased me through my mom's house. She was in Atlanta with a friend of hers, and we had the house to ourselves. I was only wearing a pair of bright turquoise trunks, and Sam had on a pair of hot pink trunks. We'd stripped in my room, but when Sam started to think that he could just have his way with me, I'd bolted. If I could somehow lose my trunks, it could turn into a game of naked hide-and-seek. I slid into the kitchen, darting around the island just as Sam ran in. He grinned, panting, and gave me an adorable scowl.

I giggled when he mimicked my movements around the island. It was as if he didn't want to catch me. So I ran into family room, shrieking when Sam's footsteps got closer to mine as I bounded up the stairs. He caught the back of my trunks as I made it to my room, jerking them down and tripping me at the same time. I tumbled to the ground as he pounced on me. I squirmed, laughing hysterically, and he trapped me under his body. He became gentler with me, in means to calm me, and I let my body relax onto the soft carpet.

We eventually made it to the bed, and I let Sam have his wicked way with me. The sheets, I noticed, had been changed from my normal cotton sheets to soft, slippery silk sheets. I brushed my hand over them before gripping them in my fist as Sam pulled a loud cry from me. He knew just how to manipulate me in the most amazing ways. He knew where to touch me, how to touch me, and just how I'd react. His memory for these things was amazing. I knew what he liked and didn't like, but it seemed that Sam outdid me in that field.

I got up myself, though Sam didn't want me to leave, when we finally fell into a panting, sweaty mess on my bed. I cleaned my stomach off, and couldn't help but just look at myself. Everything was blurry since I didn't have on my glasses, but I didn't need to see my face. I knew that my hair was sticking up in every different direction, sex hair is what Danny called it, and that I blushing furiously from the things I'd just done with my boyfriend. I hurried back into my room when I heard Sam calling for me. He'd put his knee brace on, having taken to sleeping in it some nights when he was in pain, and he was sitting up. He looked worried.

"Is something wrong?" He asked when I padded over to the bed.

"No," I lied, sitting down with him.

He chuckled once, the sound rueful. "I'd like to think I know you better than that, Xavier." His eyes met mine, so blue and clearly full of love for me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me in between his legs, and held me there, kissing my shoulder.

"I feel like I'm not being fair to you," I told him, laying my head on his shoulder.

I felt him kiss my forehead. "You don't have to be fair to me. You've done enough, and all you need to do is love me. That's all I need from you."

I looked up at him, his hand touching underneath my chin, and he kissed me. It was a tender molding of our lips, and the suddenness of it took my breath away. Sam cradled my head in his hand, and his other hand went to my waist. Sam coaxed my lips open, his tongue seeking the warmth of my mouth. He was reassuring me with a kiss, telling me that I'd given him enough and that he needed nothing more. When he gently pulled away from me, I tried to lean into him to keep the contact. He chuckled at me when I tried to keep his lips locked with mine, trying to steal his tongue back into my mouth. I pouted at him when he pulled away totally, and he grinned, tracing my bottom lip with the pad of his thumb. He kissed my forehead again, holding me closer, and I left a kiss on his collarbone.

"Are you okay now?" He asked me, stroking my sweaty hair off my forehead.

I smiled at him, nuzzling against his shoulder. "Yes, I am. But I need to ask one more thing of you."

"And what is that?" He wondered, his fingers dancing across the sticky skin of my back. He leaned down when I motioned for him to do so, and shivered at my hot breath on his ear.

I closed my eyes, just after seeing Sam close his, and leaned in just a little closer. My voice was sweet and I made sure it caressed his skin, giving him a little start.

"Make love to me."

Sam let out a little gasp and shivered. He captured my lips with his, flipping us around to lay me on the bed, my head cradled in his feather pillow that was now sheathed in a silky pillow case. The sheets were hot pink and warmth seeped into my back from where we'd been sitting earlier. I yelped happily when Sam jerked my legs up around his waist, and we grinned at each other, kissing sensually as our bodies found a natural, easy rhythm.


	35. Lift

_Tom_

Danny was feeling a little better after we saw Laura. She gave us little exercises to do with each other to gain a little more trust in each other since we'd been separated for so long and we'd both changed so much. It was almost sweet how shy and tentative he was with me. But then again I worried about him. I took him to lunch, paying since I wanted to take care of him more often, and made sure to hold his hand in the car as I drove us to his mom's house. We were pulling off coats and scarves when Sam and Xavier chased each other past the front door. Xavier squealed when Sam almost grabbed his waist. Danny laughed at them, and his smile made my heart flutter just like the first time we met. He caught me watching him, and his smile shrank a little bit, but still remained timid and cute.

I laced our fingers together, squeezing his hand, and we both smiled as his mom yelled at Xavier and Sam to not break anything. She never told them to stop, and for that I was proud. She'd accepted him, and I knew that it hadn't been her all along. Danny even agreed that his and Xavier's problems growing up gay were mainly their father or their father through their mother. Once their mom was free of their dad, she accepted her sons as they were, and never looked back. Even Sam and I, especially since I shared their last name now, were welcome additions to their already big family.

We went to see his mom, who finally showed quite a bit of concern for Danny. It seemed to comfort him some, seeing his family worry about him. I could feel his hand find the small of my back, pressing me closer to his side, and I smiled to myself. He kissed my forehead, and I felt my cheeks heat up even though they were still flushed from the cold outside. I vaguely heard Danny's mom laugh softly at us when Danny coaxed my face up for a soft kiss. I was lost in the sweet taste that lingered in my husband's mouth from the sweet tea we'd had with our lunch as well as the warmth I felt from the heat inside the house and his natural furnace-like body heat. I pulled away when I felt as if kissing in front of his mom was weird, and Danny chuckled softly, nuzzling against my face and leaving a kiss on the top of my head.

Xavier pouted as Sam dragged him through the kitchen. He'd been caught. Sam brushed his cheek against Xavier's and whispered something in his ear. Whatever he said seemed to make Xavier feel a little better, because he leaned his head back to capture Sam's mouth in a kiss. Sam settled in a chair at the kitchen table, Xavier perched in his lap, and they finally greeted us. They both expressed their concern for Danny's timidity and scarce appearances at the house. Though I was glad his family was caring about him, I had to wonder why it had taken them so long to see this. I didn't say anything, just smiled, and coaxed a soft, reassuring kiss from my husband.

_**-o-**_

"I can't wait for Christmas," I said the next morning, my hand stroking Danny's curls.

His head rested on my chest, and I knew he was still struggling with our new found role reversal. He refused to talk much, his tall frame still trembling slightly, and I empathized with him. I knew just how your first couple times like that made you feel. He was still feeling vulnerable, and I understood completely.

"I love winter," I continued, trying to distract him a little. "I love summer too, but winter is when we get to snuggle up with blankets and hot drinks and sit in front of a fire. It's when we get to dive into bed because it's so cold in the apartment, and cuddle up together so the sheets will warm up faster. But right now, near Thanksgiving, is when I get to be even more thankful that I have you in my life."

My hand cradled Danny's cheek, my thumb brushing over his cheekbone. He looked up at me, his brown eyes so feeble and innocent, and it broke my heart all over again.

"I love you."

It was all he said, and had said since his soft agreement when I'd propositioned him a few hours earlier. I smiled down at him, and smoothed his unruly curls off his forehead.

"I love you too," I murmured, and I could see his cheeks turn pink.

He sat up, and I followed. He leaned in for a tentative kiss, his hands finding my waist. Danny pulled away though when my tongue started to wander, and I knew that it was hard for him.

"I just… I'm sorry, sweetheart. I—" He broke off, his hands coming up to his face to hide his embarrassed blush.

"No, baby, I understand. Don't worry. Do you want something to drink? Or a snack?" I asked him while I got up, tugging on my underwear and his T-shirt.

He shook his head, finally smiling at me when I gave him a cheeky wink, and I knew that he was getting better. Soon, he would be comfortable around me like that, and I'd be so proud of him when he was. I coaxed him into the shower, and we washed each other off, stealing sweet kisses from each other all the while. We decided to go see if Nolan and Ethan wanted to get a late breakfast or an early dinner, and so we headed to their townhouse.

Danny rang the doorbell, rocking back and forth on his feet while we waited in the chilly air, and looked up at the sky. "It's gonna rain soon."

"Looks like it," I replied to his comment, taking his hand and linking our fingers. His hands were warm, when mine were freezing, and he wrapped his long fingers around mine to share his warmth with me.

We'd never seen Nolan so disheveled and dressed down before as when he opened the door wearing dark grey sweatpants and a blue, long-sleeved Life is Good T-shirt. He looked exhausted, stubble sprinkled along his jaw line, and his dark hair was sticking up in several different directions. He smiled at us meekly, stepping back to let us in, and rubbed at his face.

"Did we wake you up?" I asked, touching his arm.

"No, not at all, I was just upstairs with Ethan. He was sleeping, but we were just watching _Torchwood_. I was trying to sleep, but it just wasn't happening. Anyway, what's up?" He explained, rubbing tiredly at his eyes for a second.

"We wanted to see if you guys wanted to go to a late breakfast," I suggested, squeezing my husband's hand. Nolan shut the door, throwing the lock back into place, and shivered at the rush of cold air into his warm house.

"Or an early lunch. Either way, it works," Danny joked, and I smiled up at him.

Nolan grinned. "That would be great. I'll go get Ethan."

"You two don't have to come. You said Ethan was sleeping, and that's just cruel to wake him up. We just wanted to see if you wanted to come, but you don't have to if you'd rather just stay home," Danny quickly told him, and Nolan smiled at him.

"Ethan won't mind. We've wanted to spend time with you two again anyway. It's fine. We can just come home after, and maybe I might be able to sleep after I've eaten. Thank you for inviting us," Nolan told us, and quickly jogged up the stairs to get his boyfriend.

It was only a few minutes before Ethan and Nolan came down, both dressed in jeans and sweatshirts. Ethan looked sleepy, but he just brushed it off when we tried to apologize again. He smiled at us, and laughed when Nolan tried to fix his messy hair. Nolan licked his palm, flattening Ethan's hair successfully. Ethan tried not to laugh, embarrassing himself further, but a few giggles escaped and Nolan grinned cheekily at him.

"Alright, after _that_, everybody seems to be in a good mood, so let's get going," I chirped, and everyone laughed and nodded.

Ethan and Nolan pulled on jackets, grabbing scarves and Ethan's hat, and we decided to take just our Mazda. Danny drove, and I sat in the back with Ethan so Nolan could sit up front and talk with Danny. They'd bonded quite well when Ethan and I came home, considering they were in the same situation. They talked happily, and Ethan and I just watched them, loving how relaxed they were. I hadn't seen Danny so content in such a long time, and it made me slightly sad that I couldn't make him that happy. But my happiness for him overpowered my worry, and I was alright again.

Danny grabbed the door of the porch they put up in the winter for all of us at the Cracker Barrel in Alpharetta. He followed me inside, and Nolan held the door to the actual building for us. We asked for Sam, knowing he was working, and he was darting around like crazy before he actually came over to us. He smiled at us, looking flustered and very tired.

"Morning…I think," he said, looking at his watch. "I don't know what time it is. I've been here since six. I'm exhausted."

"When do you get off, sweetheart?" Danny asked him, always worrying over his brother and his boyfriend.

"Noon," he said. "So in about an hour. Xavier said that he'd make me lunch when I got home and let me sleep. I'm very much so looking forward to that. What can I get you to drink?"

The meal passed in a flurry of breakfast and lunch foods and never-ending conversation. Nolan looked very drowsy by the time we were getting up to pay and leave. Sam was getting off from his shift, and he leaned his head on Danny's arm as he stood next to him in the line to pay. I swear he almost dozed off there, and so I let him lean against me while Danny paid. Nolan insisted that he pay for his and Ethan's meals, and Danny let him. Sam split off from us to go to his car outside, wrapping a scarf around his neck while he went, and I worried if he'd be okay getting home. Nolan sat in the back with Ethan on the way back to their townhouse, and he almost started to snore on Ethan's shoulder. Ethan smiled at us sympathetically after shaking his boyfriend's knee a little.

"He snores, so I constantly have to hit him in the middle of the night. It embarrasses him for other people to know, so don't say anything," Ethan told us, giggling at his boyfriend as he snorted a little in his half-sleep.

"We won't. I snore occasionally, and Tom won't admit it but he mumbles in his sleep. It's adorable, but he's convinced he doesn't do it," Danny said, teasing me. I knew I mumbled in my sleep, Jasper would never let me forget it when I was younger, but I did try to hide it from Danny in the beginning.

Ethan woke up Nolan as we pulled into their driveway, and he drowsily thanked us and shuffled up the sidewalk to their front door. Ethan laughed and thanked us as well before jogging to catch up to Nolan who was struggling to unlock the front door.


	36. Engage

_Danny_

It was a week before Thanksgiving that my phone rang at around seven in the evening. Tom was lying on top of me on the couch, curled up in only my T-shirt. Our previous activities had wiped him out, and he sat up slowly when I reached for my phone on the floor. I collected him back into my arms, answering my phone.

"Hello?"

"Danny, its Ethan, I didn't know who else to call." His voice was tearful and weary.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" I asked Ethan, smoothing Tom's hair back. He looked up at me, the crease between his eyebrows forming at my tone.

"Nolan's been shot. He left about an hour ago on a call, and he just called me from the hospital. Could you meet me at the hospital?"

"Of course, honey. We'll be right there," I soothed him.

Tom jumped up, grabbing our clothes as I got the name of the hospital, and told Ethan that we'd be there in fifteen minutes. We dressed in a hurry, grabbing coats, shoes, and scarves on our way out the door. My Mazda was fast, and we were there, sprinting through the automatic doors of the emergency room, in no time. Ethan, holding a jacket in his hands, grabbed us and led us to a bed with the curtain drawn around it. He pushed the curtain back, and Nolan opened his eyes to look at us. He smiled weakly, and sat up a little. His shirt was gone and his shoulder was bandaged, his entire arm tucked close to his side in a sling like Ethan's had been a few weeks earlier. His broad chest and arms were decorated with black tattoos, and Ethan's left hand, trembling, found one on his bicep.

"Hey," Nolan said, voice shaking a little.

"How are you feeling? Do you need me to get a nurse?" Ethan fretted, smoothing Nolan's dark hair off his forehead.

Nolan smiled at his boyfriend, reaching over to catch Ethan's hand in his. "No, sweetheart, I'm fine. I promise. I'm just tired. The adrenalin is wearing off. But can you do just one thing for me though?"

"Of course," Ethan said, itching to do anything to help Nolan.

"Can you ask someone when I can go home? Because I really want to leave," Nolan pleaded, and Ethan nodded, bolting for the nearest nurse.

Nolan sighed, smiling drowsily up at us. "Hi. Thank you for being here for Ethan. He's been freaking out since I called him to come over."

"No problem, we weren't doing anything, and we knew he needed us," I told him, hoping to soothe him some.

Ethan came back just then, and Nolan was pleased to know that he could go home once a doctor checked him over one more time. Tom and I stepped outside the curtain when the doctor came, and I blushed when Tom whispered a proposition in my ear for when we got home. I smirked down at him, knowing that he had changed so much in the past year he'd been away, and I loved him so much because of it. When the doctor left, nodding at us, Ethan pushed back the curtain as Nolan sat on the edge of his cot. Ethan was holding the extra jacket out to Nolan who, as he stood up, took it gratefully. He pulled a scarf out of the pocket, and leaned over to kiss Ethan's cheek. He didn't have a shirt, since his police uniform shirt had a bullet hole in it and blood stains. When Ethan went to sign some papers to discharge Nolan, I caught Nolan staring at his butt as he left.

"You want him?" I asked, smirking at him.

Nolan gave me a pitiful look, biting his bottom lip. "You don't even know. All I could think about while I was on call was getting home to him. I got the call right as we started to…you know."

"I see. Don't worry. I'm sure he's been thinking the same thing. You two can have at it when you get home. It'll also make him feel better, knowing that you're still alive," I told him, and he nodded quickly.

"If I do get him in bed tonight, it'll only be our fourth time together," Nolan confessed, biting his lip again.

Both Tom and I gave him confused and slightly shocked looks. He laughed once.

"It's sad, right? Our first time was right before he left. Then I had to go those sixteen months without him; it was torture. When he came home, we left a trail of clothes up to our room. But we've only done it two more times after he came back. Once…on my desk at work." Nolan was blushing hard, embarrassed to have told us that.

"It's not sad. It's sweet. You both held off until you met someone you truly cared about. Shit, Danny and I did it on the first date. We barely knew each other. Our families were convinced, once they found out, that we weren't going to work. Because flings like that usually don't work. But here we are, twelve years later. We still love every minute of every day with each other. I kind of wish that I'd waited to do it after I knew the guy a little better, but he was just so damn sexy. I couldn't say no." We all laughed at Tom's choice of words.

"So, if you don't mind me asking," I prodded, smiling at him. "Who's on top and who's on bottom?"

Nolan, if it was possible, turned an even brighter shade of red. "We don't really…have a set top and bottom. I mean, I'm usually on top because I'm naturally more dominant, and it's easier on Ethan. He likes to top, and I'm all for bottoming for him, but it's hard for him. I usually have to…" He paused, trying to work out a way to say it without embarrassing himself further. "…I have to be on my knees, not facing him, so he can use my back to support himself a little but his arm is getting stronger. He can't be leaning over me with his hands on the bed because it hurts his bad arm and it just doesn't work. But he does like it when I can be on my back facing him because then he can see my face and…everything. It'll get easier for him as he heals more, but we're really cookie-cutter with sex right now since we just…started I guess you could say." He laughed nervously, tugging on the hem of his coat.

"That's understandable, sweetie. You two are just getting your bearings with it. It's something special, and you really don't want to mess it up," I soothed him.

He nodded silently, his eyes desperately searching for Ethan to rescue him. "It's just me that's getting my bearings. Ethan had a serious boyfriend before me. I've never been in a relationship before this one. I keep thinking that I'm going to screw up and Ethan's not going to want me anymore."

"Nolan," I coaxed. He looked up at me, worrying his lip again between his teeth. "He loves you. Don't think otherwise. It's obvious that he cares for you, even if you don't see it right away. If you need to talk to us, or ask us something, don't hesitate to, alright? We will tell you anything you want, or need, to know about this stuff. I know it's confusing, and it's even a little scary. We will not keep anything from you if you just ask us. I really want you to be able to talk to us. I was there for all of my younger siblings when they started into their relationships, so I'm used to giving tips on this stuff. Don't be shy about it, because it's nothing to be ashamed of."

He smiled then, finally deciding that he was safe talking to us about his sex life. I left a kiss on his head, and Ethan finally came back. Nolan confessed what he'd told us, and I was surprised that Ethan was a lot less embarrassed that Nolan had been. He just shrugged it off, and wrapped his arm around Nolan's waist as we all walked out of the ER doors.

_**-o-**_

_Xavier_

Sam and I were watching the recording of a _Glee_ episode. It was later the same night it came on, but nearing midnight. I was leaning against Sam, swaddled in a blanket and fighting sleep, and listened to the silence of the house while Sam fast-forwarded through the commercials. My mother had been spending less and less time at the house, and I worried a little bit about that. But the only thing my mind at that moment was sleep, my warm boyfriend, and the TV show that I'd become addicted to. Sam kissed my forehead softly when he played the show, pulling me closer and nuzzling against my hair. The fireplace cast a flickering glow on us and the family room. It was warm, and I was becoming increasingly drowsy. I sat up a little, trying to stay awake through at least the show, and caught Sam looking at me.

"I think you're getting sick, sweetheart. You haven't been sleeping and eating well lately. And you feel a little warm," he said as he pressed his hand to my cheek. "You've been kinda sniffly too."

I smiled a little at him, making his lips tug up at the corners. "Why do you always know what's going on with me?"

I saw his cheeks turn bright red, and I couldn't help myself from laughing. He watched his lap, and I felt bad for laughing.

"I always had to remember all of this stuff for when you got depressed. I was the one who made sure you slept, ate, and had anything you needed because I knew if I took good enough care of you that you'd feel better faster."

I looked at him, his tough exterior falling away from his tender heart. I linked our hands, and he bit his lip. I stroked his hair away from his face, leaning in, and his lips parted just as mine touched his. I found myself beginning to reassure and comfort Sam more often than he had to do those things for me. I didn't mind, and liked having someone rely on me. Though I was exhausted, I collected the love of my life into my arms, still kissing him. When I pulled away, I covered the rest of his face in sweet kisses, making his smile and giggle. I was happy to make him feel better and make him smile or laugh.

I smiled while the cast danced down the aisle at a wedding, singing "Marry You." It was cute, and I liked the song. Sam fidgeted a little, and I looked over at him, worried. I held his hand, but he gave it one last squeeze before getting up. I watched him, and noticed his hands were shaking. The song was still going on, and Sam seemed to gain some confidence. I was still wrapped in my blanket, and I sat forward when he moved closer. Being mindful of the coffee table, he got down on one knee and pulled a ring out of his pocket. My heart started to beat faster, and my breathing was close to a pant. I was trying not to smile too widely, but I'd always wanted this. I'd dreamed of marrying Sam, but I was going to settle for being his boyfriend for the rest of our lives as long as it was him I woke up to every morning. I didn't say anything, and just waited for him though I was having a hard time sitting still.

When Sam looked up at me, his blue eyes flickering uneasily, I grinned at him. He smiled back, and we both laughed at our different reactions. The fireplace cast a changing glow on his face, and I just wanted to touch him, to kiss him, and tell him that I would love to marry him. He swallowed, and took a deep breath.

"Xavier, you are the only person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. You don't care that I'm actually shy or that I fall apart every time I see my father. You just take these flaws, these imperfections, and turn them into something that you can love me for and help me love myself more. I believe you when you say I'm perfect, nothing compares to me, and that you'll love me forever. Because of you, I believe in myself. Because of you, I believe in us. And I really believe in you. We may not be very old, but we're old enough to understand that what we have isn't just the everyday relationship. We battled two divorces and then cancer. I don't think there is anything we can't overcome together. When you're down, I try my hardest to lift you back up. I pick up the pieces, and do my best to put them back together. When I fall, you do everything in your power to help me repair the damage that has been done. Nothing is stronger than us when we're together. I listened to you every time you spoke about us possibly getting married sometime. I know I didn't acknowledge it much, but I heard you. God, did I hear you. I knew how much you wanted us to be together forever. I want to give you forever, but I can only do that if you'll marry me."

"Yes, I'll marry you, Sam," I cried, and he grinned.

The new claddagh with my birthstone, the peridot, as the heart fit perfectly on my finger, and I threw my arms around my new fiancé. We laughed, pulling back from our hug to kiss each other. It was the sweetest kiss we'd ever shared. Sam climbed back up onto the couch, and as he crawled over me, I laid down along the couch. He moved the blanket to drape it over the back of the sofa, and I grinned eagerly as he winked at me.

Sam pressed a soft kiss to my damp forehead, and I blinked drowsily, my head nestled on his chest. I lay against him, only in my tight red briefs and wrapped up in the blanket again. We'd had to restart the show, and fast forward to the part that we left off on. I smiled when the cast performed "Marry You" again since that song now held a new significance to me. Sam sat on the couch in his green trunks, his skin still a bit sticky with sweat. I'd been cold though I was sweaty, the fireplace still heated the room, and I had a warm body next to me. I ached deliciously, and I wasn't complaining. Sam ran his fingers through my hair, leaving tender kisses on the top of my head or my forehead. I leaned into his hands and kisses, begging for more. He collected me closer, whispering to me sweet nothings and the occasional term of endearment. My eyelids were becoming even heavier as his words, delicate and soothing, seemed to help my body relax and succumb to the most beloved dreams I'd ever had.

_**-o-**_

I woke in my bed, Sam still sleeping peacefully on his belly next to me. I was warm and comfortable, still only in my underwear, and I didn't want to get up. But my bladder had other plans, and so I slipped from the bed as quietly as possible. I left a soft kiss on Sam's forehead, stroking his hair momentarily, and found some pajama pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt. As I brushed my teeth, I noticed what shirt I'd grabbed. It was a T-shirt from the Sam's dance studio. He loved it there. He and I had multiple shirts since they were soft and just baggy enough to be comfortable but not sloppy. I smiled to myself, and made sure to grab my ring off the nightstand before going downstairs.

The Sprite I was pouring fizzed and popped in my cup. I was still tired, and I was comfortably sore from the best sex I'd ever had last night, but my excitement came back full force at the sight of my ring. I sang "Marry You" under my breath, bobbing my head to the words. I was so caught up in my song and thoughts that I didn't see my mom come in until she put something on the island near me. I jumped, and she laughed at me.

"Did you just get up?" She asked, going about the kitchen to put away the groceries she'd just placed on the island.

"Yeah. I take it you came home earlier but then went to the store?" I said, pouring more Sprite and trying to will my blush to go away.

"Yep." She was quiet for a while I continued to finish pouring my Sprite. When she stopped in the middle of putting something in a cabinet, I looked up, worried and a little scared. She smiled at me, sitting the box of sugar cubes back on the counter. "Where did you get that ring, Xavier?"

I looked at my hand, splayed on the counter, and felt my face heat up. "Sam gave it to me," I finally mumbled, wondering why I was timid.

"It's beautiful. When did he give it to you?" Mom asked now, knowing she had to gently extract information from me.

"Last night," I said, keeping my voice low. "He, um— We were watching _Glee_, and he, um…" I couldn't make myself say it, and I didn't know why. I closed my eyes. "He proposed to me."

"Xavier, that's great. Why are you so reserved about it?"

Once it was out, the flood of emotion came back and I grinned down at my ring.

"I don't know, but I'm over it now. He _proposed_, Mom!"

She laughed, and hugged me. I felt like a girl that her boyfriend had just proposed to, but I didn't care. I was beyond ecstatic, and I needed someone to gush to. My mom was more than willing to listen to my long, drawn-out story of what Sam had said and how nervous he'd been. I left out that'd we'd had sex on the couch, but I'm sure I left enough bashful glances away at the end that she knew what we'd done.

"Please don't tell anyone else. I kind of want this to be between Sam and I, and now you. I know if we just come out and say it so soon that everyone will blow it way out of proportion and it won't be as enjoyable," I pleaded with my mom, and she just nodded.

"Of course, honey. I would never say anything. You two aren't as open with your relationship as Danny and Tom are. They practically screamed it from rooftops when they got engaged. But I know you and Sam are much quieter when it comes to your relationship. And, yes, your siblings would blow it out of proportion. I'm glad I had you, because you at least try to balance them out with your shyness."

I smiled, and looked up when I heard someone clear their throat softly. Sam grinned at me from the doorway. He wore a pair of pajama pants with snowflakes on them, and no shirt. He looked gorgeously rumpled from sleep. He looked from me to my mom then.

"I take it you know everything?" He teased.

"Yes, and I'm very happy for you both. I always wanted Xavier to find someone that would treat him right, and now that he's found you, I think I'm the happiest I've ever been. He was always so lonely, and then when he brought you home, everyone could see that you two were going to be together for a long time," my mom explained, and I blushed, but smiled shyly at my fiancé.

Mom set about to toast bagels for all of us for breakfast. Sam got something to drink and sat at the island with me, holding my left hand and continuing to make me blush and smile with his easy conversation. It was unimaginable how my life had changed. I had gone from lonely, abused teenager to a young man engaged to the love of his life for six years. I couldn't have been happier, and Sam was the only thing in the world that I needed to survive.


	37. Give

As the day progressed, I started to feel worse. I hated that I was feeling bad after Sam proposed to me and on the day before Thanksgiving. Sam and I laid on the couch, watching _Dirty Dancing_ and swooning over Patrick Swayze. I was snuggled up against my fiancé, his body pressed against mine and keeping me warm. It was almost lunch time, and my mom was getting Chinese for us all. I could hear Sam's heartbeat underneath my ear, and it was soothing. I closed my eyes, feeling Sam's hand come up to run through my hair, and he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

"Are you comfortable?" He asked me, tugging the blanket closer around me and smoothing it down.

"I'm perfect," I sighed, content with my position against his chest.

He stroked my hair, his lips barely finding my forehead for a soft kiss, and he shifted down a little to better situate both of us. I was just dozing off when my mom came home. I groaned a little at being roused so prematurely from my beginning nap. Sam rubbed my back, and I looked up at him. He smiled at me, leaning down for a kiss, and I noticed that the credits were scrolling on the screen. I'd make it up to him and watch it again later. I curled up on the couch after getting some food, but only picked at what was on my plate. I persuaded Sam, quite easily, to watch the episode of Glee from the night before. It had been so much fun to watch it so late at night and for Sam to propose to me while the cast sang. It was exciting, and I wanted to watch the best episode of Glee again with my new fiancé.

Sam and I cuddled, wrapped in the same blanket, and kissed all the way through the wedding scene. My mom passed through the family room, but never said anything to us. I was thankful for her being so accepting now, and letting me be the love struck teenager I never got to be. Sam pulled me onto his lap, his tongue finding its way into my mouth. Our kissing seemed to have more of an effect on him than on me. When we pulled away, he was panting hard and I could feel his obvious excitement pressing against my thigh. He looked flushed and ruffled. His pupils were dilated, blown to cover almost all of his irises. He was gorgeous, and he was all mine. I pushed back his hair, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead, and he closed his eyes. He knew I didn't feel up to sex, and I was glad he didn't push me.

He sighed quietly and his arms wrapped more firmly around my waist. I smiled, running my hand down his arm. I followed the curvature of his muscles underneath the long-sleeved T-shirt, and he hummed in appreciation of the contact. We kissed softly then, my fatigue catching up to me, and Sam shifted us so that we lay stretched out on the couch, the blanket still around both of us. He let me use his arm as a pillow, and rhythmically stroked his hand up and down my side. It was soothing, and my eyes got heavier as he continued. He stopped for only a moment to peel my glasses off and put them on the coffee table. His hand then found my back instead of my side, and, as best as he could, he rubbed my back. He kissed my head, his hand smoothing over my shoulder, and I finally let my eyes close completely.

"Go to sleep, sweetheart. I'll stay here with you," he whispered, kissing my ear.

I tried to nod, but it didn't work out. I hear him whisper, "I love you," just before I had to succumb to the warmth and exhaustion of sleep.

_**-o-**_

_Danny_

Thanksgiving was relaxed and pleasant. Xavier and Sam spent most of the day talking to Robyn on the phone as Riley had broken up with him a few days prior. We all wondered how Riley could do that to Robyn, with all Robyn had given and also given up for him. We learned that Riley had moved in with a friend of his, and not Robyn's, when they'd broken up. So Robyn was left with his dads, who were worried sick over him because they'd never seen him this depressed and heartbroken before, with almost no answer as to why Riley had really broken up with him. We released Xavier and Sam from our festivities to go check on Robyn, since Tom and I were also very worried about him.

It was an hour after they left that Xavier and Sam came back, Robyn and his dads in tow. Robyn hadn't wanted to come, settling on the couch after giving us polite, yet slightly tearful, hellos and happy thanksgivings. His dads fretted over him, and it was sweet to see him being taken care of at a hard time in his young life. When Caleb asked me to take something to him, I gladly agreed. He looked up at me when I came in, and I leaned down, kissing his forehead. He smiled at me, accepting the drink from me, and looked down at his lap briefly.

"It's pathetic, isn't it? My dads are worried I'm not gonna eat or drink or that I'll do something worse. They've never seen me this upset, because Riley was my first relationship so I've never broken up with someone before. _I'm_ pathetic," Robyn muttered unhappily, pushing tears from his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Sweetheart, you're not pathetic. You're heartbroken and trying to heal. You'll just have to work through it at your own pace. But you do need to eat and drink, and don't do something you'll regret. If you need anything, or need to talk about something you don't feel comfortable going to your dads with, call me. I've done this before, so many times, and I'm always willing to help you," I promised him, and he nodded, looking back up at me with hopeful brown eyes.

I knew I was promising a lot of people a lot of things, but I was willing to do whatever I needed to help my friends. Robyn was twenty-three, coming out of his first relationship with a broken heart and still healing scars, and he needed help with it. I didn't know if he was comfortable talking to his dads about it, and I wanted him to have options in case he needed a third party opinion. Xavier and Sam sat on the couch with Robyn, keeping him company and trying to stop the tears from flowing. He and his dads had forgone Thanksgiving due to the palpable tension in their house, so they were all happy to have hot food on the table to eat. When his dads were done eating their share of the food, they took Robyn a plate, but he wouldn't eat much.

It was cruel almost; beat Robyn down just as the holiday when we were supposed to give thanks for our lives came around. It couldn't have been Riley's plan, but it still must have hurt Robyn deeply. He seemed to be lifeless, just letting his dads dote on him and allowing Xavier and Sam to attempt conversation. He stared off into space, occasionally nodding and inserting a 'yeah' or 'uh-huh' where expected. I met his eyes once from my spot in the armchair across the room, Tom sitting on the floor in front of me, playing with Tristan. Robyn's brown eyes were full of pain and his soul seemed to be so broken. I gave him a small but encouraging smile, hoping to ease some of the anguish he felt. He finally smiled back; a genuine smile that I saw gave his dads a little hope that he would survive the heartbreak of his life.

_**-o-**_

We went Black Friday shopping with Nolan (whose shoulder was healing well), Ethan (whose arm was healed almost completely from the damage done overseas), Xavier, Sam, and they dragged poor Robyn along with us at his dads' orders. Robyn finally perked up when we all had coffee and he found "the perfect present" for his dads. Ethan's migraine that he'd had since the day before got worse from being up so early with such little sleep due to his and Nolan's new found love for getting each other naked in bed. We were all sitting in the food court at the mall; Tom was pushing me away from peeking in his bags. He'd found me a present, and refused to let me ruin it.

I saw Nolan move to kneel next to Ethan, digging through a bag and murmuring in a language I couldn't understand. He finally pulled a pill case out of the bag, popping it open and pulling out two pills. He was still speaking to Ethan, the vowels rolling off his tongue and lips in a way that could only be described as beautiful. He smiled up at Ethan as he took the pills, purring something else before kissing his cheek and moving back to his spot across the table from his boyfriend. He looked at me, his cheeks turning pink, and grinned.

"What," I said, surprised, "were you speaking?"

"Welsh," Nolan said. His grin was still in place. "I was born in Wales. I lived there until I was fifteen and we moved to Savannah. And, yes, it is ironically like _Torchwood._"

I laughed. "That's cool. Why don't you have an accent?"

"I've worked years and years to get rid of it. I only learned how to cover it up though. I still have it though." Nolan smirked, and he continued with his accent. "It comes out occasionally. I slip into my accent or full-blown Welsh when I'm tired or upset. It's just easier because it's my native language that I grew up speaking and hearing it for fifteen years of my life. My grandparents, on both sides, still live in Wales. Very close to Cardiff actually. My grandmother on my mom's side lives in Cardiff since she and my grandfather split up."

His voice was lilting and strong with the accent we'd heard so much of on _Torchwood, _and I was mesmerized. Ethan made a face when Nolan let his accent slip, and Nolan grinned at him. I could see Ethan didn't exactly like it when Nolan spoke with his accent or in Welsh.

"I don't exactly like his accent. It freaks me out a little since I know Nolan as an American. Truth be told, I only like his accent when it's really dark and we're alone." We all laughed, and Ethan winked at Nolan before continuing. "I know a little Welsh. Just from him speaking it a lot or he actually taught me. I only know basic words and phrases, the cuss words, and pet names. But it's hysterical because he has to force himself to say the American terms for things."

Tom was now intrigued with the conversation, while Xavier, Sam, and Robyn were having their own bonding time.

"What kinds of words are different?" Tom asked, his curiosity one his most endearing traits.

Nolan smirked at Ethan for a moment. "Snog is the term for kiss-or more fitting 'make-out'. I prefer snog, since it just sounds more interesting. And quite naughty."

I laughed. "I love it."

**_-o-_**

I practically had to carry both Tom and Xavier when we all finally left for home. Ethan and Nolan, who had relaxed around us enough to speak with his accent, gave us hugs before getting in their car. Robyn and Xavier both laid their heads on Sam's shoulders in the back, but they all three dozed on the way home. Robyn's car was at my mom's house, and he'd go back home to his dads from there. Tom held my hand while I drove to my mom's, and he eventually nodded off. I was exhausted as well, but I was better at fighting sleep than anyone else in the car.

When I dropped Robyn, Xavier, and Sam at my mom's house, I left Tom in the car, still running, to sleep while I helped them carry their bags into the house. I helped Robyn get his few bags into the backseat of his car, and gave him a hug before he got in. He thanked me for a fun morning, and I just laughed, telling him it was no problem. I waved to him from the driveway as he drove down the street, turned on his blinker before he turned, and was out of the neighborhood. I hoped he got home safely, and then went to tell everyone goodbye. I checked on Tom, who was still snoozing peacefully in the warm car, before going back inside the house. Sam and Xavier gave me hugs and kisses, and I told them to get some sleep before I finally left. Tom didn't wake up until I had to kiss him awake in the garage of the apartment building. He smiled sleepily at me, giving me another sweet kiss while he unbuckled himself.

We both put our pajamas back on, and climbed in bed once we made it to the apartment, shedding layers as soon as the door was open and the bags were down. We watched a little TV, but it wasn't long before our exhaustion was too much to fight.


End file.
